A Challenge

Is this the time of year that I write about all the resolutions people make and break? Yes, yes, I believe it is. You people and your resolutions. Has anyone reading this blog ever made a New Year's resolution and kept it? Let me know by commenting below. More later.

I love my vacation

The days are flying by, and soon, I will be heading back to work. I have really really enjoyed this vacation, and am convinced now, more than ever, that a job in the school system if you can live on the pay, is the way to go. Today I'm being Miss Susie Homemaker, and just rattling around by myself trying to get some mundane things done. The job is never far from my thoughts, however. I have an intense week scheduled after coming back to work and had to bring stuff home to work on so I could be ready. Now WHEN exactly I'm gonna feel like working on these reports is the big question.

If you're in western Kansas, you're coping in blizzard like conditions right now. Unfortunately, it's not coming this way-I'd really like to see some snow. However, my middle son, (you remember him, the one who slid down the big pile of sand in my dream on his knees, taking the hard way) is moving out today and tomorrow. I'd hate for a few little snowflakes to stop his progress.

Christmas Musings

It's Christmas morning. I'm up, sitting here with my coffee. The radio is tuned to KLOVE, 99.99 FM. What great Christmas music they are playing this morning! The poinsettia is soaking up the sunlight which is streaming in the east window and it promises to be a great day weather-wise.

Our kids are grown up and we have no grandchildren. This means several things where Christmas is concerned-I slept in until 8:00 today! There's no wrapping paper strewn about, no excited yelps, no bodies sitting on the floor of our small living room. We did not even, gasp, have a Christmas tree this year. No outside lights. I didn't get out any decorations-but to quote a green fellow we all know, Christmas came - it came just the same.

In our family of "adult" children, we drew names and shared simple gifts on Christmas Eve. We had soup and chili, and cheese and crackers, and pie for dessert. Today we will go to my brother's place and enjoy Christmas dinner, and yakking, and more dinner, and more yakking, and play cards, and, well, just be together.

I enjoy decorations, lights, and trees just as much as the next person (unless that person happens to be my husband.) But keeping it simple this year, and noticing everyone else's lights and decorations was just fine for me. While I'm napping, you guys will be taking all that stuff down.

Keeping it simple. In this world of $800.00 PlayStations, and Wii's, and new IPODs, and big screen TVs, that's a concept that intrigues me. Maybe that's why I am striving to get my financial business in shape so that in 2 or 3 years, we can move out of the city and enjoy a simplier lifestyle. We've already started to do that in several ways.

Prosperity preachers and their concepts of "blessings" grate on my soul. There's nothing wrong if God chooses to bless you materially. But my oh my, our purpose on this earth is not to acquire things and more things. And forgive me if I sound a little scroogy, I don't mean for it to, but more than once when our kids were growing up, Christmas didn't happen very substantially. We were blessed at times by those who knew we were struggling, but we didn't ask for help. I didn't apply to charities for assistance or stand in line for a free turkey. Nothing wrong with that. But I wonder, I just wonder, if the meaning of Christmas is lost when a kid opens his 20th present and plays with the boxes. I realize when I have my own cute grandkids, I'll be one of those doting grandma types, no doubt about it - that's a perspective I haven't experienced yet.

I think Christmas gifts mean more when there is more of yourself IN the gift. For example, before my mother went to be with Jesus, she knitted several small Christmas bell ornaments for her grandchildren. Those simple red knitted bells mean the world to me-in fact, my daughter asked for hers to hang on her tree, but I couldn't quite give it to her just yet! (Sorry Rebekah.) I had a fleeting thought to pick up this tradition as we've had several additions to our family who don't have a knitted red Christmas bell ornament. I think mom would be pleased.

Whatever you do today, celebrate the things in your life that mean the most. For me, that's saying, Happy Birthday Jesus. In answer to my question of what Jesus would want us to give him on His birthday, my friend Candice commented - "I think Jesus would be delighted if we'd all just spend a little time with him. At least 1/2 as much as we spend waiting in line to check out at the mall or Wal-Mart. Merry Christmas!"
Well said Candice. Merry Christmas to you too.

Birthday Gifts

Today is the FIRST day of my new life...at least my temporary new life. I'm off for the holidays, and don't have to think about things until January 3, although, I probably will end up thinking about things...I know how this works. Anyhow, since I don't have to go to work today, what am I doing up so early? My youngest son's birthday was yesterday. We have a tradition that on his birthday, he gets to go to his favorite breakfast place in the world, "The Good Egg". We couldn't go yesterday, so I get to take him today. And so early because he goes to work at 8:30. The things I do...

After breakfast with Daniel, I get to stop by the grocery store and buy some things for dinner tonight, then come home and try to be domestic. Oh my goodness, the things I have to do to clean this house up. It's amazing. I was telling my sister last night that we couldn't eat Dan's birthday dinner on the table because it's so full of stuff. Help is around the corner however-starting the second week of January, I get to hire my daughter to come in and do some light cleaning once a week. She needs the money, I need the cleaning, it's a good deal for everybody.

I'm really sorta dragging my feet about Christmas this year. We do not (gasp) have a tree, and we drew names in our immediate family, so I'm not buying for everybody. I refuse to join the frantic mobs at the malls and stores-you couldn't pay me to go into a WalMart. I really try to not get sucked into to all the materialistic aspects of Christmas, but unless you live in a cave for two or three months, it touches you somehow anyway. But, it's all in your persepctive. A couple of lines from the little musical our choir did at church last Sunday go like this: "A gift for a King should be a simple thing...I will give to this King...my heart."

What does Jesus want us to give Him for His birthday?

Sunday PM Musings

The wonders of chocolate milk apparently didn't aid my youngest son enough. He still is not feeling very well from his minor surgery a week ago, but at least the swelling is going down some. He doesn't look as much like a chipmunk as he once did.

It's a 3 and 1/2 day work week coming up. I have a staffing first thing tomorrow, where I will explain to some parents that although their kid is wonderful, bright, funny, and a marvelous human being with lots of talents, there's nothing wrong with being average in intelligence. What is intelligence anyway? There's all kinds of theories and all kinds of ways of measuring it, but all in all, you have what you have, and it's up to you to do something with what you have no matter what number on an IQ scale you happen to achieve. Let's hear it for the average kids of the world-of which I am one of. I was never a scholar in elementary school, in fact, I was told that I was "slower" and certainly not in the same realm as my older siblings. And my older siblings ARE smart people, as are my younger siblings-I think any and all of them would achieve pretty high on a Wechsler scale-higher than me. And, I actually married a pretty smart person as well, so it's all around me. But into college, I sorta came into my own and found myself no longer living in the shadows of all those smart siblings who had gone before me and after me. That was probably the best thing about my college years-they were uniquely my own. Here's the moral of the story: An average kid with motivation can accomplish much in life. Moral # 2: You learn more from failures than successes.

Congratulations to my friends Candice, Kris, and Alisyn, recent graduates of the School Psychologist program at WSU. Way to go guys! I wish the best for all three of you-it has been my privilege to know you. You'll all make great school psychs.

The wonders of chocolate milk

My youngest son's surgery went okay yesterday. I got to stop off at the grocery store on my way home from WSU and get him some jello (which was all he asked for.) But while I was there, I saw other things he might like, and first thing I knew, I had accumulated several things in my cart for him, including chocolate milk, which I rarely buy. I got home and unloaded the 5 or 6 bags. He came downstairs and started rummaging for the jello, but appeared pleasantly surprised at the other things I got for him, mumbling something about, "I oughta get sick more often..." It was nice that this little carton of chocolate milk was helping him be thankful. This procedure was not a pleasant one for him but the drugs he's taking is making it more pleasant. Here's a good thought for a quick healing, Dan.

I'm desperately needing a caffeine fix to help me get going, and I didn't make any coffee at home, so it's off to QT I go. THEN I can think about school psych stuff. Have a good Tuesday.

Creative Folding

I'm not a craft person. I don't have a creative bone in my body when it comes to arranging things, painting, scrapbooking, or decorating. But yesterday, I learned about iris folding. Check out this website: http://www.irisfolding.circleofcrafters.com

Have you heard of this? At the "Annual Handmade Christmas Craft" session at our church, we made the bell (click on "free pattern of the month, then scroll down to the November pattern, the Christmas bell.) To get the instructions about how to do this, click the word "Heart" under "Free Pattern with Step by Step Instructions". I can't believe how simple it is, at least, the bell was simple. It looks like there are more complicated patterns available. Try it and let me know what you think. Jay, I was thinking your girls would enjoy this craft, and Rebekah and I will volunteer to have a session and teach it to them, maybe the end of January.

Tomorrow will be sort of a weird Monday. I'm taking my youngest son to the surgical center for a minor procedure first thing in the morning, I have a training session in the afternoon, a meeting with my mentor tomorrow after the training, then going to an internship meeting in the evening. I'll try to stay awake through everything. Nothing like getting up at 5:00am to get your day rolling.

Did ya catch that Shocker win yesterday? WSU is 7-0. Take THAT, Michael. KU STINKS!

Our Kids

The meeting I was dreading yesterday didn't go too badly. AND, I got to leave early, so that was a bonus. I toured a school here in our district which is, as the principal put it, the last bus stop. Kids who have been expelled from their schools for "zero tolerance" violations need to be going to school SOMEWHERE. Otherwise, these little darlin's would be out on the streets 24/7, going to the classes that criminals and gang members hold every day. There are about 100 middle and high school aged kids there now, and the system which is in place to correct behavior works pretty well. Every good choice is positively rewarded. Every bad choice has consequences. There are levels of behavior to earn. Security guards and cameras are a visible presence. The class sizes are small, about 10 students per class. No extra curricular activites. No sports. No leisure time. 15 minute lunch. 2 minute passing period. No exceptions. Most kids are there for a semester, but some could be there for the whole school year. However, there are limits to what will be tolerated, even in this place. The limit is 3 major infractions. Then there's a hearing. Then, you can be expelled from this school. And you serve your sentence on the streets. Or in jail. Almost every kid they have in that school has been arrested at least one time. The student body is disproportionately male and African American, although there are more girls there now than ever before.

Always, it seems after touring a place like this, everyone is thinking the same thing. Why? How do we have kids that are so messed up? The answer is complicated. A combination of factors. Because I'm working with a special population at school, I can see some things that might contribute. I know of a second grade student who already has violent tendencies. A cute little guy that could charm the socks off of anybody when things go well. But he's a pistol waiting to go off. Everybody that works with him sees it. We've taken some steps. Put some strategies in place-for example, he's not allowed recess, it's too unstructured and he's too volatile. Tried to get the parent more involved. Then, he revealed this last week his favorite thing to do---you read it here first---he plays "Mortal Kombat" with an adult uncle.

Potpourri (Is that how you spell that?)

Brrr! It's a little chilly out there today. At least we are not in a situation like some Missouri residents are dealing with today. From last week's snow/ice storm, many in the St Louis area still do not have electricity. I emailed my friend in St Louis who says she's doing ok, but they have much damage-this is the second time in two years this city has been hit with a storm severe enough to knock a million people flat on their behinds.

Closer to home, how 'bout them WSU Shockers! Ranked 10th in the polls last week, this little team with the odd looking mascot (truly, how many of you think a shock of wheat is an intimidating presence?) has soared to new heights. Mark Turgeon is a coach you can define pretty well by using words such as intense, driven, and focused, and, his team shows it. You probably won't find me at Koch arena cheering the guys on, but I'm an avid follower of their successes and failures. KU and K-STATE, your Jayhawkers and Wildcats don't hold a candle to our little wheat guy.

Time to get the car warmed up and get going. Big meeting today-let's hope we can put our personalities and past histories behind us and made a good decision about one of our students-she's counting on us.

Blah

I'm sorta feeling blah today. I don't know where the time has gone. I was at the church several hours working on a missions display for tomorrow and that was my day. Blech. It's cold and wet. The snow melted some yesterday and today so that was nice, but what's left is mud and dirty water. My house is just so...blech. Carpet is dirty. Everything is dusty. I need to really really clean. Rebekah, you wanna earn some money? I'll pay you to clean my house...

My youngest son is home from work, having a lively conversation on the phone. I can hear him laughing upstairs. What's so funny? I'll never know. Maybe I shouldn't know. The less you know about your adult kids, the better.

Unexpected surprise

Ok, see, THIS is why I work for the school district, however, I must say, that this large of one rarely closes. Hardly ever. Some winter days every district within 50 miles of here will be closed, but we'll still be open, sloshing through the ice and snow. But today, we are in the center of a bullseye of a storm that's heading up here through the Texas and Oklahoma panhandles. POW! So, while my husband trudges off to his job at the state office building downtown, I'll be here at home, enjoying NOT getting out. The coffee is perked, and so am I. To top things off, it's PAYDAY. You get paid once a month, you get an unexpected day off-and they fall on the same day-life does not get better than this! (Unless it happens to be your birthday too.)

The staffing that was scheduled for today will be rescheduled. The testing that was scheduled for today will be rescheduled. And I'll be a day or more behind. My schedule, so carefully written in my calendar last Monday, is outta here, like a school psychologist at the end of a mandatory training session on a Friday afternoon.

Ok, I'm done. All the rest of you hard working people, who have to report rain, shine, snow or no snow, ice or no ice, get out there! {And have a GREAT day. (Ducks to avoid blows raining down on my head.)}

What to do with lemons

I just want to say that I LOVE hearing from all of you who are checking in to read this trivial blog, and to comment. Patzoo, it was nice to hear from you, and yes, you ARE a talented writer! I know you are a little skittish of publishing for everyone to view, but you are creative and have a lot to offer. And Fraser's Girl, well! Thanks for letting me know that things are just "heavenly" with you-especially since you're married to an angel...how was the Prime Rib for T Giving dinner? Jessica, good to hear from you as well, I hope to get to know you better. My friend Candice-are you feeling better? I have fond memories of classes with you-you made me laugh and not take myself too seriously. You are too cool. For those of you who read this blog and have invited me to read your myspace, I really like blogspot better because you don't have to sign in. If you'll send me a link where I could view your blog without having to sign in to myspace, that would be great.

I haven't said too much about my job, but hope to as time goes on. I can tell you that I really really like what I do. It's a challenge, it's rewarding, it's interesting, it's different every day. Although school psychologists are trained to do more than assess eligibility for students to be served in special education, that's really what I do most of. I also enjoy meeting with parents (for the most part) and visiting with them about their child's needs. I'd like to do more consulting work-that's where I feel school psychologists can be more useful than people give them credit for. This week I have 3 staffings scheduled-the one today was a "happy" staffing-the child was doing quite well so we dismissed him. Another staffing tomorrow may not be so happy-I tested a child for eligibility in the "gifted" program, and although the child is functioning well at a high average level, they just don't meet the qualifications for gifted. I think parents will be ok with it, but it's always tense to explain that "Although your child is WONDERFUL, and BRIGHT, and CREATIVE, blah blah blah..."

Thought for the day: When life hands you lemons, chunk 'em down your reeking garbage disposal and get a bowl of ice cream and a bottle of chocolate syrup.

A Dream

Because I'm sort of a practical person, (my siblings would disagree, but I really am), I don't place a lot of stock in dreams. We all have them, they can be kinda weird, but I don't look for hidden meanings. Mine are usually too entertaining to be deeply philosophical. However, last night, I vividly dreamed about my oldest son. I had taken him to a place I used to play as a child and we stood at the top of a high berm looking down a very steep side. It was made entirely of sand. My instructions to my oldest son were to "slide down". Then I turned and walked away. Keep in mind that he's an adult now, (albeit still living at home), but in this dream he was maybe 6 or 7. I went home, and forgot about him. Later, I realized he had not come home and and went looking for him. When I found him, he was several years older. I asked him if he made it down the hill ok. He said, "Yeah. I went down on my knees, and it HURT, but I made it." I stood there thinking, I would have gone on my rear end, but you, of course, chose the odd way to do this that no one else would have.

That's my oldest son. He chooses to learn life's lessons the hard way. He will be 25 in December and I'm ready for him to slide down the mountain once again in pursuit of a life that doesn't use my washer and dryer. His latest plans are to move in March. Looks like it may happen, and I couldn't be happier about it. Get going son!

Sunday PM

It's a nice Sunday afternoon. Dishwasher is running, my daughter is dinking around on my keyboard, I've had lunch, now I'm getting ready to take a little nap before choir practice. I'm thankful for a job with weekends off, for children who I have good relationships with, for a spouse who works many hours a week at 2 jobs, and for my old car, "Hoss", who starts for me every time (except for once when I ran out of gas).

Hope your Sunday afternoon is going well. I have a lot of work to do this week, but I'm not thinking about that just yet. Monday will be here soon enough.

Just Drivel

Happy day after Thanksgiving...for those of you going shopping today, well, good luck with THAT. I refuse to go shopping the day after T Giving, although, I confessed to someone a couple of days ago that back when my kids were kids, in the late 80's I once stood in line at a Target store at 5:00am in order to purchase Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys and figurines. It was crazy then, and it's crazy now. Here in Wichita, people were camping outside a Best Buy here last night in order to be the first in line when the store opened at 4:00am to nab the latest electronic whaddya call it. It's crazy, I tell ya.

So, a nice day here. Sunny, maybe 60 degrees. I'm finally working on my little piece of earth in the front of my house that last spring, I tried rather unsuccessfully to turn into a spot for "eye-catching beauty". The cannas I planted grew about 10 inches and quit, never blooming-it was too hot and dry for them. The petunias perished in the heat. But the ornamental sweet potato vines did fairly well. I was hoping they would choke out the weeds, but no such luck. After Round-Up, black plastic, digging, and more Round-Up, sticker plants STILL grow there. I can't let them win, but I don't know what else to do to kill them off. I may try a "pre-emergent" some sort of weed-i-cide early spring.

I'm thinking next summer, since it's in the sun, perhaps, just perhaps tomatoes would do ok there, but who grows tomatoes in the FRONT of your house, and not only in the front, but out by the curb? I guess I could. Somehow I have the false notion that veggie plants belong in the BACK of the house. The front is for, well, flowers, and bushes, and nice looking things.

"Count your blessings, name them one by one..." They are old words, but timely. What are you thankful for?

Relief

I cannot descibe how I felt after getting this blog up and running. I mean, I KNOW there's not many people who read it, but my goodness, I almost felt what could only be described as relief. I think I have just missed writing. My friend Julie tells me she's taking a creative writing class at the college she works at. I've never done that, but I've thought about it. I think I didn't take the class when I was going back to school because I was afraid I would fail it. Plus, there's a certain vulnerability when you let people read your stuff.

I looked back at this blog and read from the very beginning. There were one or two entries I thought maybe could possibly approach what a real writer might say. If I can pull you in and help you experience a little of my emotions when I write about Kansas sunsets and supper on the stove, then I've met my objective.

I'm here...

Well, I haven't post since June. That's right. Almost six months ago. I've updated my headings and all that stuff. Hey, I'm like a real psychologist now, and (do real psychologists say "like"? I'm sure we don't, but oh well) so I will begin posting once again for those who care to read.

We're almost ready for T Giving break-tomorrow's the last day of school this week. Most everyone on staff at both my schools is looking forward to this vacation-and I am too, sort of, but I know what waits for me when I get back. Yeah. What waits? Well, let's just say that the job will be there when I get back.

I am at two schools, as opposite as you can get-but that's a good thing. My days are always interesting, always varied, and, one of these days, when the pressure isn't quite so great, I'm hoping the job will be fun. It better be. My school loans are now in repayment status-I knew this day would come. You won't believe how old I'll be when they are all paid back. IF I take as long to pay them back as the Academic Loan Group wants me to. Let's just say that when I write the check for the last payment, there probably won't be paper checks anymore and I'll be fortunate if I'll even remember what I went to school for.

Catch the Baton

I'm waiting for my youngest son to finish getting ready so that we can go eat breakfast. Every two weeks or so, Dan and I have a breakfast date. It's pretty cool that he actually still wants to do this, and he even picks up the check every once in awhile. We have a good time, and even talk about "important" things sometimes. Within a year or so, he'll be making more money than me, so I hope we can continue this tradition of breakfasts out after he's out of school. By then, he'll be carrying a briefcase and looking so very-business-like and grown up, making his own way, like young men have been doing since the beginning.

In 30 years, or so he'll grow nostalgic for "home", and drive past the old home place, telling his wife and children, "That's where I used to live. There's my school. There used to be a Braums there, and a hardware store there, and, oh, my friend Michael used to live there...did I ever tell you what good times we had back then?" And his children, like children have been doing since the beginning will roll their eyes and listen to stories of his youth. "Oh daddy, things aren't that way anymore. That was back in the olden days." And there will be a knot in his throat and a catch in his voice as he says, "Yeah, you're right. Things aren't that way anymore." Looking at his kids, he will feel like parents have felt since the beginning- that his kids have somehow missed out on something important from his generation. And so he begins another story, this one about how he threw a bat in anger one summer day because he missed a ball being pitched to him by his brother. And the bat hit a window at his school and shattered it. And about how he ran home, and his mom marched him back up to the school to view the damage. And how she made him confess to the principal that he broke the window, and how the prinicpal and his mom decided he should learn a lesson, and how for the next week, he worked after school doing chores-like sweeping the parking lot. His children look at him incredulously. For breaking a window? Accidently? You had to sweep the parking lot in the 104 degree heat? A life lesson learned. And passed on to the next generation. Mission accomplished.

Making Life Easier

Monday morning-so nice to see ya! After the weather man on channel 12 said there would be no rain last night, I woke up at 4:00 am to lots of thunder and lightening, and...would ya know it, rain. It's cooled things down and kept me from having to drag the hose around this morning to water the little plot I have planted some things in. I have decided that I really must invest in one of those wheel thingys that hang on your house that you can roll your garden hose on. I spend about a year untangling and unknotting it before I can turn the water on.

It's one of those things that makes life easier that you wish YOU would have invented. My son was telling me last week about "fingertip pens and pencils". Have you seen those? They fit on the end of your index finger and that's how you write with them. No more gripping those writing utensils between your thumb and finger. One of the school psychologists I worked with last semester always commented about a kid's pencil grip in his reports and described it. "Hortense uses a 'fist grip' to hold onto her pencil and her writing appears laborious."

So maybe I should invent something this week and make a fortune. Nah, I think I'll have my coffee first.

I have been remiss in posting these last few days. First of all I want to wish my “baby” brother a happy birthday-he turned 46 yesterday. Although he can be stubborn and obtuse at times, I greatly appreciate him. We live fairly close, and are in frequent contact. He’s intelligent, funny, compassionate, and a great husband and father. I’m proud of him!

I didn’t get any responses to my query on the last posting regarding what goals you may have in life, except, this brother aforementioned sent out an email to some of us siblings asking us to write down 10 things we would most like to accomplish before we die. Well. You talk about taking stock in life-that little assignment will do it for you. Once I got started, I had no problem coming up with 10 things. I’m thinking about sending this question to my kids. I’d like to know what they think.

I’m taking Ms. Pancreas to the doctor today. Started on an additional med to help with the fasting (first thing in the morning) blood sugar numbers. I’ve taken it for a week now and I’m noticing some side effects, but my finger sticks in the mornings are looking a little better. And actually, Ms. Pancreas isn’t in this rebellion herself. She has recruited Mr. Liver to help her dump large quantities of glucose at night while I’m sleeping. so this new med is to help counteract that. I thought about my dad today-he passed away several years ago. He had type 2 diabetes and the only thing available for him at the time was monitoring sugars by checking urine. Certainly not very accurate. Diabetes is a progressive disease, and I often wonder just how well it was controlled with him. I know he watched his diet extraordinarily well and was active. I think that helps a lot.

I thought today I need to change the name on my blog. I’m no longer a practicum student. I’ll be an internship student starting August 1. That’s coming up quicker than I realized.

What do I want to write about today? I dunno. Let’s start with this: I’m really enjoying being out of school. In addition to working 20 hours weekly, I’ve got several projects started, all of which, if I told you about them, would have you bored to tears within seconds. One thing I’m really liking about this part time schedule is that I get to practice the piano almost every day. My son, who is a better classical player than I am, is giving me “lessons”. He’s assigned me a couple of pieces to work on, plus I also have dragged out my scales book “The Complete Book of Scales, Chords, Arpeggios, & Cadences”, “Includes all the Major, Minor (Natural, Harmonic, Melodic) & Chromatic Scales-Plus additional instructions on music fundamentals"...just in case you were asking WHAT scales book…and am playing scales every day. One of my life’s goals is to be able to play a piece by Beethoven called “Sonate Pathetique”. The adagio cantabile portion of this piece is some of the most beautifully written music I’ve ever played.

Do you have any life’s goals that would involve you learning something new? I’m not necessarily talking about climbing the Andes Mountains (unless that indeed is your goal, then more power to ya), nor am I really talking about ethereal intangible things (that’s another topic for another day). I’m just asking if any of you would like to share on this page any specific goals you have, and are working towards in this life. Maybe you would like to learn to knit, or to run a mile without collapsing, or give up one meal a week in order to spend time meditating, or learn about stars and planets and constellations. I hate to own up to some of these (knitting! really!) but all of these plus many more are on my to learn list. Maybe you’re a busy mom, a student, and an employee-or you do all three of those jobs, like several people I know. Believe me, I understand that. But I would encourage you to take a little time for yourself, if to do nothing more than to think. To ponder. And to dream. You’re worth it.

Saturday, way too early

It’s early.  I woke up at 5:30 am – that’s what I get for having that schedule the last 5 months. Through my open bedroom window, a light morning breeze stirred the air.  The birds were beginning choir practice, and I could hear a train in the distance.  Normally, I can snooze right along with all the first light awakening sounds, but today, for some reason, I just couldn’t.  Even as I type this my sleepy brain is struggling to wake up, but I tell you, if I went back to bed I’d just lay there and think about things-and thinking does me no good this time of day.  The “I wonder whys” start.  At first, they are somewhat insignificant.  “I wonder why my middle son is such a slob.”  “I wonder why someone would pick OUR car to steal a license tag from.”  They progress in significance to, “I wonder why I can be disciplined in SOME things but not others”.  Then the “you oughts” begin.  “You ought to test your blood sugars more often.”  “You ought to get more exercise.”  “You ought to practice the piano every day.”  And then there’s reminders of obligations, and of things to be done and checked off a list.  And finally, if I let my brain go there, I can then progress to reminders of mistakes in the past, and moments I wish I could take back, and bad decisions, and all kinds of things it does me no good to mull over. I got up to avoid all that…now I’m writing about it.  Great.  

Stemming the tide

Today, I’m going to do a public service announcement.  Are you ready?  Here we go.  

I know it may come as a great shock to people, but those forwards you get in your email may not necessarily be true.  I know, I know, it’s just difficult to understand that not everything you read on the net is true, and, it seems a little odd that I’m using that very medium to inform you of that, but, so it goes.  Case in point:  I received from a person (by the way, this person is none of you reading this, he is someone who is affiliated with WSU and has my email address for other reasons), a forward about Bill Gates and Microsoft offering a refund of 245.00 for each person they sent that email to.  This man, who is known by graduate students and has a fairly public position at the university actually took the time to read the forward, then to send it to at least 300 people in his address book.  

I responded back to him as follows:    
Don't be sending out crap like this.  This is a HOAX.  Please check out:
 http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/nothing/microsoft-aol.asp
 This website addresses this rumor.  You need to send an email out to every single person you sent that load of crap to and apologize.  And next time, check out any internet rumors by going to www.snopes.com and using their search feature.  Are you really that naive that you believe this?

Amazingly, I have not heard back from him.  I would encourage you today that when you receive any kind of internet rumors in your mailbox, that you delete them, or, if you want to be in public service, check them out by using one of the better internet rumor sites, www.snopes.com.  They have search feature that works quite handily-you just have to put in a keyword from the rumor.  Then when you get the real scoop, email the sender the information back.  I realize I’m only plugging up one little hole in the dike of internet hoaxes and rumors, but hey, at least I’m trying to do my part.  

Here's a pic of me - just so you know I really graduated. This was taken at the reception after graduation. The rest of the group has been cropped out as I wasn't sure THEY would like to have their pictures posted online...

Boom!

Well, I’m sitting here listening to the 1812 Overture, as only the Wichita Symphony Orchestra can play it.  BOOM!  There go the cannons…awesome!  Usually I’m down at the riverbank with my brother, enjoying the last night of the River Festival, which includes a gigantic fireworks show, but this year I elected to stay at home and listen to the Twilight Pops Concert on the radio.  I can see some of the fireworks from my house, but the show is really spectacular from downtown.  

Thanks to all who made my graduation a memorable experience, to all who emailed, called, sent cards, and emails.  Scott, it was good to hear from you!  Now that I’m out of school, I’m not going to end the blog, but I’ll keep it going for awhile.  I’m going to see if I can find where I misplaced my sense of humor…..

It's over, it's done...

Yes, graduation is over. I am awarded the Educational Specialist degree, now I can put some letters after my name-Ed.S., in case you were wondering. I have three more days at my practicum site-and may work also on Thursday and Friday if they have anything for me to do. In that little town I'm working in, school is out Tuesday the 16th, so Wednesday will probably be my last day.

I told someone that now that I've graduated, and had a wonderful day with family and friends on Saturday, I've got to come down off that high sooner or later, and I'll probably be cranky and depressed this week. I don't think it's really hit me yet that it's over. And really, for me, it's not really over. Not only am I working in the office at WSU all summer, but, I will be on a year long internship in the fall. This will require me going to classes at WSU every other week, and preparing a case study to present at the end of next spring. So I'm not done yet. Some School Psych programs have the internship before graduation. WSU has you do it afterwards. I don't know the wisdom behind that, but it works for me.

I hope to blog more this week. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I didn't do really well at writing last week. BTW, my son took some pics of me at graduation. I'll try to figure out how to post one on here. I'll see if I can find one I'm not embarrassed to post. And, more words of advice, if you want something important videotaped, find somebody who knows how to do it well. Don't ask, say, oh, I don't know, for example, don't ask your spouse to do it. Even though you love your spouse, and are so grateful for your spouse's love and support, and your spouse means the world to you, don't ask them to videotape something if they really can't do it very well. There. That's all I'm going to say about THAT.

Monday Musings

We had intermittent internet service yesterday-I called our internet provider. A nice young man came on the line to assist me. We had just gotten started, and I noticed the tone of his voice took on a sort of patient “I know I’m talking to an older woman who probably doesn’t know where the ‘enter’ is on her keyboard” quality as he began asking me questions. Fortunately my younger son came in the room so I immediately asked him to intervene. Well. In about 30 seconds they were discussing routers, connections, and alphabet soup, you know, ISP, and all that. Turns out our router, (one of four box type structures on the top of our computer desk) is not sending a good signal. Works sometimes, doesn’t work other times. I don’t really know about this stuff. But I’m glad I have a kid who can converse fairly intelligently with these people - he’s always sorta functioned as our own inhouse tech support.

Next to the last week of practicum. Two more weeks of spending 50.00 a week on gas just to get to work. It’s been a bummer to do that, but it has been a valuable experience. We’re wrapping up some evaluations this week and I’m also going to give the “Test of Visual Perceptual Skills” for the first time. I hear it’s not too bad. I brought it home to practice on my oldest son but didn’t catch him to do it.

Graduation this Saturday! There are only 4 of us graduating in the school psychology program this semester, but I think that's probably a bit more than what they generally have, which is 2, maybe 3 graduates a semester. We'll be walking with the College of Education, and will be called to the platform after the doctoral candidates and before the master's degree graduates. I was asked at church yesterday if it was about over, I replied rather enthusiastically, “oh yes!” The questioner stated, “I could see it in your face! You look great!” That, my friends, is what going back to school at 45 will do for you, once you’re finished six and a half years later. People start telling you how “great” you look. By the way, I need to let you know that I saw proof finally, on Thursday, that my incomplete grades were finally changed, and now, I don't have to hang on by fingernails anymore. I'm feeling much relief. Barb, Deb and Sylvia-see you Saturday on a milestone day for us. In case I don't get to say it Saturday, it's been a privilege for me to get to know you. You are all going to be great school psychologists. Congratulations!

Just rambling

Well, I can see these jokes went over big time.  I can hear your uproarious laughter from here.  You’re welcome.  I’m glad to add a little levity to your day.
*****
I just heard a peal of thunder.  I guess it rained last night but I wouldn’t know-I slept pretty soundly-only woke up twice-for the first time in many nights.  
*****
I’ve got 3 weeks to go working on practicum, and 10 days before graduation.  I’m feeling a little nervous and pressured, but am thinking, if I can just HANG ON, I’ll make it. If I can just HANG ON, I’ll make it.  HANG ON.  There’s quite a bit of work to do on practicum yet, but not overwhelming.  I think the most stress is coming from not having two incompletes changed to grades yet.  I’m nervewracked waiting on the professor to do so and thoughts of getting up there and not being able to graduate because the grades weren’t changed are racing through my head.  She assures me they will be changed-just HANG ON.  Sigh.
*****
If you’re human, this has happened to you -you’re living your life, ambling along, not bothering anybody, doing your job-when all of a sudden, a situation you were blissfully unaware of rears its ugly head and upsets the tranquility of life.  This happened to me on Tuesday evening.  A very messy situation came to my attention, and even though I was involved in it in a minor way several weeks ago, now it seems that I’m involved in a major way because my minor involvement was gossiped about by several people which then, mushroomed into major involvement a couple of weeks ago.  How’s that for confusing.  This gossip and talk really hurt a third party and now we have a mess.  Here’s the life lesson:  Don’t talk about others when you don’t know what you’re talking about.  And don’t talk about others even when you DO know what you’re talking about-more often than not, it’s a hurtful thing.  
*****
That’s all.

How about some doctor doctor jokes...

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a set of curtains!
"Pull yourself together, man!"
Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.
"Don't let people push you around."
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.
"Who said that?!"
Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.
"What do you mean by that?"
Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me!
"Next!"
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
"I'll deal with you later."
Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly!
"Lay on the couch, face down."
Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive.
"Calm down. Cheer up. Calm down. Cheer up. Calm..."
Doctor, doctor, I feel so short!
"No problem. Hop up on the couch."
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket.
"You do look a little pail."
Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
"Wait a minute please."
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.
"Don't answer!"

Let's hear it for "Colie" and "Shelee"

Hey, at least I’m not writing about TOES like my brother is on his blog.  However, he did have something momentous happen with his toes, he dropped a heavy table on them.  Ow, Ow, Ow.  That’s gotta hurt.  

When I asked in the last blog what people were reading, one of my nieces replied that she’s reading Jane Eyre.  Again.  For the 2nd or 3rd time.  I’m so impressed with this young woman-she’s going to K State and having the time of her life.  She’s always struck me as a balanced person-someone who wants to try everything, but yet maintains perspective and a focus toward life goals.  It’s been a privilege for me to watch her and her equally charming sister grow up.  You girls are terrific!”  

Not much here...

Well, what do I want to write about…work?  Work’s work.  Wrapping things up.  School?  School’s school.  Wrapping things up.  There’s a lot going on, and the next three weeks will be both exhilarating and exhausting.

How about if I write about stuff that doesn’t matter much to anybody else…let’s see. Need to plant some canna bulbs my brother gave me-maybe Saturday afternoon will work for that.  The yard is a mess-it needs raking, mowing, trimming, all that good stuff.
Got my car outta the shop again today-the gas line had to be replaced.  It was leaking and I lost 18 gallons of gas in 2 days.  Ouch.  My son has a job interview tomorrow at a bank.

For what it’s worth, that’s all there is.  What are you currently reading?  Looking forward to reading this summer-I’m all for getting lost in a fiction book on a Saturday afternoon.

Talk to you all later, and thanks again for “tuning” in.  

    

30 years of marriage

Well, April 24 is a special day for me- I’ve been married, let’s see, I’ve been married 30 years as of tomorrow.  Is that a long time or what?  

I was going to try to write something elegant about this, but words are sorta failing me.  I don’t see my husband a lot - the main reason is because he works two jobs in order to support me as I go to school.  He has never complained about doing that - I’m so grateful for his support and encouragement.

What’s it like to be married for 30 years?  Well, it’s comfortable.  It’s a good routine.  It’s secure.  And, you’ve got the whole issue of taking each other for granted, but that’s another subject for another time.

For right now, this Sunday evening, I just want to say that I’m blessed to have him here with me.  Thanks, dear, for all you do.  

Baby steps

Hey!  I turned in the last report yesterday.  To celebrate that I finally have completed the work for that class, I bought my graduation “regalia” at the bookstore.  What a deal.  Now the only thing I have to do is make sure I get in all the practicum hours I need to, but at least I won’t be trying to do class work as well.  

I’ve got an interesting sort of project to tackle at work.  The small town I work in is seeing a rise this year, and a dramatic one at that, in the number of teen pregnancies. A state BOE member has proposed an “abstinence only” based curriculum be taught in public schools in Kansas.  In a meeting I was attending, someone asked if there was any scientific research which points to an abstinence only curriculum in human sexuality being more effective in curtailing teen pregnancy.  Stunned looks all around, no one knew, so I was asked to see what I could find.  I wonder if this board member has any researched based information to back up her assertion that this type of curriculum has had a better result.  I hope so. I may have to email her and ask, but until then, I’ll look for myself and see what’s out there.

Well kids, time to get going. Now that I’m not so busy with school work, I may have time to write in here once in awhile.  See ya later…

Stay tuned...I know I haven't written recently, but I may have news tonight. I've been working, working, working on reports for Personality Assessment, I have one to go, and there's a good possibility I'll get it done today. Yee haw, I will keep you informed. This may be the best day I've had all semester.

3:00 am musings

I’m up at almost 3:00am.  Normally at this time, I’m doing what most of us are doing, however, I’ve got two (only two??) problems.  I’m coughing, and, the neighbors are up.  The neighbors are up rather noisily although it sounds as though they are getting ready to call it a night.  

It’s been warm, but I’m not turning the air conditioner on in April, sorry.  It was 96 here on Thursday.  I think yesterday it was only 89.  But I’m NOT turning on the AC.  The windows are open for breeze, and besides letting in a little air, they let in the sounds of beer bottles clinking into a paper bag as they are being picked up, slurred voices, and people who shouldn’t be walking across the street getting into cars and driving away.  The party over, I hear sirens in the distance heralding a life changing moment for someone.  

I’m a simple person of the soil (SPOTS), who lives in the middle of a large Midwestern city.  I have a 50 foot by 75 foot plot of land with a house sitting on it, and neighbors all around.  It’s noisy and it smells funny when the wind blows just right -the meat packing and rendering houses from the north and the sewer plant on the south remind me I’m really close to, well, close to “things”.  My dad summed it up once while visiting my house soon after I bought it, “You can’t even pee in your backyard without anyone seeing you.”  (He was really a SPOTS.  For many years he lived on the edge of a small town on a couple of acres-just enough to say you owned some land, but not enough to say you have to “farm” it.)  And for him, you have enough land between you and the guy who lives next to you if you can have enough privacy to pee outside if you want to (although you don’t just stand out in your field and do it, you find a tree or stand in an outbuilding with a dirt floor, you always do these things with decency and decorum, you weren’t born in a BARN for heaven’s sake…)

The coughing has subsided somewhat, my head is clearing, and the neighbors have called it a night at least outside, so I’m thinking about going back to bed.  Come on breeze.  It’s muggy and warm.  If I were a SPOTS truly in a SPOTS’s home, I’d go sit on the porch in my nighclothes in the dark.  Can’t do that here, the porch is lit like a beacon.  If I turned the light off, I’d get robbed.  I get robbed anyway, but…did I tell you that someone came over the fence into my yard and helped themselves to a 20 foot aluminum extension ladder we had back there leaned up against the back of our house?  It was a nice one.  It held my rather portly self quite nicely as I painted trim on the house, or hung Christmas lights up.  Oh well.  Time to call it a night.    

No whining allowed or "aloud" as the case may be...

It’s gonna be 90 degrees today!  Is it summer?  It feels like it.  I am enduring a second round of coughing, sneezing, and congestion-I just got over it, now here it is again.  And I know it sounds weird, but I can tell you exactly when and where I was when I first noticed that scratchy tickle in my throat- I was in a meeting at a school where we were discussing a preschooler’s readiness to enter kindergarten.  Shortly after that my sinuses filled up, shortly after that the sneezing started, and within two hours, I had a full blown problem.  Yesterday evening the body aches started, and by 10:00pm I was miserable.  HOWEVER, I must state that there are others who battle physical illnesses every day of their lives so much worse than a bad cold.  I should not devote blog space to whining about that when others are dealing with far worse.  I’m thinking of you, G., and of someone I know who has liver cancer, and someone else with severe heart problems.  God bless you today, if you are reading this and are suffering a debilitating illness.  You’d probably exchange your problems with my cold malady any day of the week.

This is my last day to work this week at my school, but I’ll be working at home tomorrow on some things.  It seems there are a lot of things for a school psychologist to do at the end of the year-finishing up evaluations would rank pretty high.  In talking to some in this field, there isn’t enough time left in the year to complete those evaluations that were requested in February or March, so those will have to wait until next fall.  

Next week I’m doing a Functional Behavior Assessment (look that up on the net) and am going to try to get to more of those benchmarks that are required in my practicum but which I haven’t done yet.  There are like a million indicators you have to fulfill.  Well, not that many, but it seems like it.

Gotta get going.  The end is near…

Good Monday Morning

Good morning!  6:00am on a Monday…and I’m sorta chipper.  (Isn’t coffee an amazing drug?)  I’m on the downhill slope to completion.  I have, let’s see, six more weeks of practicum.  Five weeks until graduation.  Two weeks before all reports need to be done.  Deadlines, deadlines.  They don’t call ‘em “dead” for nothing.  Sometimes by the time you reach a deadline successfully, you feel like you COULD be dead…

I haven’t said much about work at the practicum site recently. Last week I finished screening kindergarteners to ascertain readiness for first grade.  This week I’m helping finish up evaluations, and in fact, need to do some testing.  I think I’m going with a special education class to the zoo on the 21st-that’ll be an adventure.  And, I’m hoping in doing that, I can check off a few more of those practicum requirements.  Did I mention  that for practicum there are 11 standards, and each standard has anywhere from 3 to 10 indicators that must be met in a semester?  It takes like 2 hours just to check off what you’ve done for the week on the evaluation form.      

On another subject, I didn’t get around to wishing my oldest child a happy birthday last week on the blog.  We did take her and my son-in-law out to eat to celebrate, but I thought I should give her a line here.  She was born on Easter Sunday 26 years ago, and her birthday has never fallen on Easter since.  I looked it up one time on the ‘net, and she’ll be like in her 50’s before just the right combination of equinox, Sundays, and birthdays all roll around to be on Easter again.  

I think that’s about it.  Time to get rollin’.  

I really don't hate everything-Part 2

It’s been said that life turns on a dime.  Yes, yes, it does.  This past week I was reminded again that God indeed can put puzzle pieces together and make them all fit perfectly.

On Tuesday I received word that I passed the licensing exam.  Yee Haw!  On Wednesday I received word from a school system I applied to that they wish to hire me as a school psychologist beginning Fall 2006.  Woo Hoo!  And, on Thursday, I was offered a summer job.  Without even getting started on my job search, my phone rang, and opportunity knocked.  I couldn’t have worked it out better myself.  Ya Hoo!

So, let me encourage those of you who read these words, there’s hope.  Some of you have big big struggles, bigger than exams and bigger than jobs.  Some of you struggle with issues you’ve never told a soul about-but I’m here to tell ya, where people have failed you, God won’t.  

Well, graduation is almost here…can you guys believe it?  Congratulations to my fellow students, Barbara, Deb, and Sylvia.  I appreciate you guys so much, and I’ve learned a lot from you.   Those of you coming up to graduate next year-Crystal, Candice, Judy, Kris-thanks for your friendship, support, and listening ears as I’ve vented from time to time.  You all mean the world to me.

Hate everything? Nah...not me...

Do I really hate everything as I stated in my last blog entry? No, no, I don’t really hate everything. I was just venting, letting off a little, oh, maybe negative energy. And I felt so much better after I posted it…posted for the world to see…which caused G, a lifelong compadre and devoted friend, to send me an email. After apologizing for her words, and saying, “I know you’re going to hate me for this , but here I go again…” , she writes, “Where is the joy and the gratefulness and the thankfulness, for the way God has provided, sustained, and walked you through everything to get to this point? Where is the realization that without God you can do nothing and that He has it all under control?”

Well said, G. And, if you don’t mind me saying so, “Ouch”. But see, I’m a person who pretty well lets it all come out verbally, I don’t hold back a lot. I am getting better in my old age-I sure don’t put my foot in my mouth clear up to my knee as much as I used to. But if you were to ask my family, they’d probably tell you the same thing. I have brothers, a sister, and many in-laws who can testify that yes, I’m a transparent person, and there’s usually no guessing how I feel about a subject. I’ve heard it said, “I don’t get ulcers, I GIVE them.” That’s the way “venters” are. We just have to get all the frustration out, then we feel great. Everyone else is in shreds, but, hey, we’re doin’ just fine-what’s YOUR problem????

So, every once in awhile, my frustrations surface, and out it comes. I’m not making excuses, and it’s not what I should be doing. But it’s all about perspective, and that’s why I’m grateful to G and everyone else who helps me balance. There are days I feel like I’m walking a pretty thin tightrope of sanity, but if I can just put one foot in front of the other and walk on, I’ll be okay.

This week and part of next I’ll be screening kindergarteners to determine if the little buggers are ready for first grade. I hope I can keep the germs and viruses at bay while I’m testing. Have a good week all.

Stupid Everything

I’ve been sick with a cold and cough the last two days, and haven’t gone to work.  And, I don’t feel well enough to really “enjoy” being at home-it’s a real bummer I tell ya.  I have a lot to do at work in terms of wrapping up evaluations and testing, and writing reports, but when the body doesn’t cooperate, you can’t do much about it.  

When I think of everything I must complete in the next 30 days, I get anxious and then the stress comes.  Reports for Personality Assessment (stupid reports) are coming along, and I think I can make my April 15th deadline, but I also am concerned about passing the licensing exam (I still haven’t heard if I passed it or not, and they said I would know in 4 weeks, and it’s BEEN 4 weeks and I STILL don’t know, stupid Educational Testing Service) and , I’m a little concerned about getting all my practicum hours in (an impossibility so I will have to work after school is officially out).  I also owe the office at WSU some hours as they let me take a few weeks off to get caught up.  That’ll come after school is out too.  THEN, I get to look forward to trying to find some sort of job for the summer to make money until I start my real job in the fall-I’d hate to file bankruptcy all because I had a job but I just wasn’t going to get my first paycheck until 60 days after my start date, which puts it at, oh, not that I’m counting, but it will be the END of September. Stupid payroll system.  Speaking of jobs, I interviewed for one with a large school district (wink wink) on March 16, but I STILL haven’t heard if they want me or not, and I was told I would hear the first of this week (stupid red tape).  

Yeah.  I hate the way things are right now.  I feel like socking something.  Maybe I should go over to my brothers and hit the punching bag.  

Good morning

Good morning!  Spring Break is officially over.  Time to get back to work.  Hope all my fellow students reading this enjoyed a few days of not thinking about school or work.  The NASP (National Association of School Psychologists) Convention is going on right now-consider your colleagues who are workin’ hard in Anaheim California.  (I’m sure.)   NASP delegates, make us proud.  Come back with information we can use-and position statements we can adopt in the practice of school psychology.  Try to address these issues between catching a few rays, sightseeing, and shopping.  Here’s to you!      

Supper on the stove

Driving home from Missouri a few days ago, I traveled a stretch of highway here in Kansas that I wasn’t familiar with. From Independence Kansas to Winfield, US 160 meanders west, and meander is the right word. It takes its own sweet time as the speed limit along this 80 mile portion is 55 miles per hour.

At first, I was impatient. 55! It’s so slow you feel as though you could run down the road on two legs faster. But, the question comes loping around like a happy dog coming to greet the master: Why are you in a hurry? Why do you want to get back to the madness of living in the middle of the big city? The time it took me to drive this 80 miles at 55 miles an hour was indeed, a gift, bestowed on me by Someone who decided I needed to just take an hour or so and let it all go.

The road slopes up and down rolling hills-yes, there are hills in Kansas-and it snakes along curves. There are ranches and farms along the way, sometimes few and far between. I was traveling about sunset, and at the end of the day, the red and orange hues in the horizon guided me onward, westward.

I noticed calves and colts in pastures staying close to moms. Sheep and goats were grazing contentedly. Hawks flew above, and birds sitting on fence posts greeted me with cries of, “There she goes! There she goes!” Around the curve. Up the hill. Down the hill. And around another curve.

This sunset reminds me of times long ago, when as the sun was setting, I’d walk into the warm kitchen at home. The smell of fried potatoes would waft past me, oh, how this delicacy could soothe the soul! There was Mom standing at the stove, stirring warm, delicious things in pots and pans. The TV was on in the living room, and Walter Cronkite’s deep voice talked to me of things I didn’t understand, events which were happening way around the world in a little country he called South Vietnam. Grainy pictures on a black and white screen informed me of disturbing things far, far away from home.

But somehow, someway, I was assured by the scene of a mom cooking up fried potatoes in a warm, cheery kitchen, with a big table set to serve hungry diners. It helped make everything right in my world. If you would have stood outside my house and gazed in the window above the sink, you wouldn’t have seen anything special. No fine china, silverware, or coffee service. No linens or matching glasses. And you sure wouldn’t have seen cherub faces saying, “thanks mom”, or a father who looked like Ward Cleaver. But you would have seen the best thing that was gonna happen for me on that day - supper on the stove.

Spring break is OVER

It’s Saturday, the day before the day before spring break ends. I just spent a restful two days in the Branson area with family, arriving back home last night. Restful? Those of you who know Branson, with all the billboards, signs, traffic, and eye pollution as far as you can see might wonder how anyone can even remotely think about “resting” in such an environment.
Depends on where you are. We have discovered a little place to stay tucked down on the end of Indian Point road-it’s not a Hilton Hotel, a Hampton Inn, or even a Best Western, but it suits our purposes for relaxation quite nicely. And the price is right as well. Once you get down there, you can just stay there, and not venture out much. You can cook your own food, or get food to eat at the little grocery across the street, which also serves hot meals. It’s within 300 yards or so of Table Rock Lake, and if you like, during the summer, you can rent a boat or skis. You can make coffee in your room, and in nice weather, there are places to sit outside and visit. We discovered a nice little “Irish” pub within walking distance, maybe a ½ mile or so away. Went inside, and enjoyed the Irish ambience. The proprietor invited us back for lunch the next day, he was serving Mexican food. Ok. Just so I know how THAT works.
We did see a show on Thursday evening, the first one I have been to since I lived in that area 30 years ago. I am a graduate of what is now the College of the Ozarks, having finished school there in 1976. Don’t get me started on what dreams and ambitions I had 30 years ago, and how we end up differently than we ever think we will. That’s a blog for another time and place.
Now I’m back home and it’s early on a Saturday morning. I took my laptop and material to work on reports while I was there. I endured some teasing from a brother who said to me, “Oh, come on. You aren’t going to work while you’re there.” He was right. I did review some things but didn’t type one thing! So today it’s unpacking, laundry, going to the store, and working on reports. AAUUGGHHH.
It was good to visit with Paul and Melissa and Julie as well. Lifelong friends you met in college are fairly rare. Although there have been times that we have gone awhile without corresponding, we have always remained in touch and I am grateful for their friendship. They SOMETIMES read the blog, and I was gently reminded that I need to write in it oftener so that they WILL read it…I get the hint guys!
If you’ve made it this far in this blog, I have other news…my beloved Shockers lost to George Mason last night. I love it that they even made the Sweet Sixteen, and what a deal if they would have gone on. But I’m so proud of them anyway. I’m not a rabid fan, but I sure do cheer them on. Now I don’t care who makes it to the Final Four and onward. I’ve lost all interest!

I'm here...

See, this is what happens when you have a bad week. The last thing you want to do is update your blog.  Then, people talk to you about it.  Barbara, I love ya like a daughter…thanks for the reminder!
     I said in an email to someone that I feel pulled in about 14 different directions, and part of my energy always goes to creating plans B,C,D, and E just in case Plan A doesn’t work out.  It’s a survival strategy and one that I see far too few “young” people doing these days.  My kids don’t.  And they’ve even watched me do this for years, yet, they are invincible.  “Who, me?  I need a Plan B?  Not me…”
     Things are going forward at work.  I am evaluating a couple of children who may unfortunately, have disabilities which are relatively rare.  This surprises me, considering how small the district is I’m working in. This week, I have also visited with a couple of parents of other kids being served in special education and as always, am struck by their commitment to always want the best for their child, and also, see the best, when others do not.  Parents who have been called to raise a child in these most difficult circumstances have my admiration.  
This weekend and next week during spring break, I will be toiling on reports for a class I have an incomplete in.  But for fun today, I’m making chili, and chicken noodle soup.  It’s a gray, rainy day and those comfort foods seemed to fit well.  They are like, well, like “home”.  
       
     

Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep those dogies rollin'...

I don’t know-I don’t have a good feeling about the test I took Saturday.   I won’t know how I did for four weeks, but I’m going to register to take it again April 29 - just in case I didn’t pass it.  It was a great example of a difficult multiple choice.  I eliminated two answers on every question almost immediately, then the two that remained were sometimes both correct so you had to pick the best one.  I HATE those.

It’s time to get going I guess.  How come Monday always comes around so fast?  I’m sure people have been asking that ever since we’ve had calendars and the concept of a “weekend”.  Some professions don’t offer weekends.  I’m thinking  (since I live in Kansas), of farmers.  Can you imagine…Farmer Brown takes a weekend off.  The cows don’t get milked, the tilling doesn’t get done.  Machinery doesn’t get fixed, and the wheat stands in the field another two days before it’s cut.  I think not.

As my Grandpa used to say, “Hop to it!”  Time to get rollin’…

  

Friday Fun

Another week has gone by without one blog entry since Monday!  I’m beginning to figure out that I may lead a boring life…either that, or I don’t have time to sit down and write.  Yeah.  I like that excuse.   “I don’t have time”…it’s a handy generic excuse which causes sympathy to well up in the reader, (please let me stay in my fantasy world).  

Tomorrow morning I’m taking the licensing exam for School Psychology.  I’ve been reviewing some but I really need to go over some things this evening.  I want to pass it the first time so I don’t have to cough up another $135.00 to take it again.  And it’s EARLY.  It starts at 7:30am.  Does anyone’s brain work well enough to take an important exam at 7:30 in the morning?  I don’t think so.  Tip of the day:  Drink your quota of water.  A well-hydrated brain works better.  

Work is going well, and I’m feeling pretty good, now that Ms. Pancreas is settling down.  I am again amazed at how very little I know about the practice of school psychology, even after almost 6 years in school, earning two degrees.  There’s nothing like practical experience to help you realize how little you know.  I am grateful that I work with three school psychologists who have between them, I would guess, at least 50 years of practice.
But, the field is always changing, and “young” people like me are being trained in new ways of doing things, so maybe on some level, I’m contributing something.  

My advice to all of you about to go on practicum:  Learn all you can in Diagnostics, and in Personality Assessment.  You’re gonna need every scrap of knowledge you can possibly accrue in both of those classes.  It’s important to not only have the book knowledge of facts (How is a Learning Disability defined?), but also to know the broad concepts that undergird assessment, test interpretation, and evaluation.  I think the information gathering is fairly easy-interviews, observations, the review of school records, and the testing.  The hard part is taking all those individual pieces and putting them together to create an accurate picture of the child.  Your hypothesis concerning what’s wrong may or may not be true, and if you say it’s true, you better have empirical evidence to back it up.

G, thanks for the email.  She emailed me recently in response to my musings regarding God allowing evil to exist.  She recently has come through a spiritual awakening, so to speak, and has a fire in her soul I’ve not seen in the 30 years I’ve known her.  She’s been in a life-long search for God, going down all kinds of different paths, and some of them, quite dangerous. But she now knows the meaning of the words spoken by Jesus, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No one comes through the Father except by Me.”.  I’ve been a witness to her remarkable journey and someday, she’s gonna write a book.

To all who are getting ready to take the licensing exam-may your #2 pencils hang in there with you.  May you think clearly and remember well. And may you never forget that there is no such thing as a “standard battery”.  (ha)

Ours is not an exact science...

Well, it’s gonna be 70 degrees today… this has got to be the weirdest, warmest, winter I can recall.  Not that I’m complaining, but it’s also very dry.  We could use a lot of rain, or even a nice snow to help us catch up.  

Today I’m working on writing a report for the first evaluation I’ve done “in the field”.  Reports “marry” all the information together that you’ve collected on a kid - information gained through observation, interview, testing, review of school records - and hopefully, help explain why this child may or may not have a learning problem.  Unless the school district has a standard report form, every psychologist does a report differently.  Some are 20-30 pages long.  Some are 2 pages long.  Even different professors at school have different ways they want you to do reports.  But whatever kind of report you do, the bottom line in any report is, does this kid have a problem, and does this problem affect the kid’s academic efforts.  

A bright, engaging student I worked with recently has problems visually processing information.  One of the consequences of that is that he’s a poor reader – but I know once we can help his very capable teacher figure out ways to help him adapt, he’ll shine.  I thought about what might have happened to this child had he been in elementary school back in the 60’s when I was.  Kids then were often labeled everything from lazy to mentally retarded, if not “officially”, then certainly unofficially by classmates.   One student in my 3rd grade class was relegated to the back of the classroom by the coat closets for a whole year and socially ostracized because he was unable to read, and thus, unable to perform well in school.  We assumed he was “stupid”.  I’ve always wondered what happened to him.      

Post Flu

I got the flu, I got over the flu, and I’m just now getting around to doing another blog entry-  I’m getting gently “nagged” about it from my sis.  “I go to your blog EVERY DAY,” she says.  Ok, ok.  I’m all over it.

I’ve been wrestling with “mysterious” things this week.  As you may know if you live in this area, there have been several cases of rather horrific child abuse making the local news recently. This tends to bring about contemplation of God’s sovereignty and how He can allow what happens in the world.  There’s another situation I’m aware of in which there is some intense suffering (this is not a child abuse situation) and, the appearance of God’s unwillingness to do anything to relieve it.  In yet another situation, also this week I heard of someone whose grandchild died and now, this person has cut off all relationship with a Creator, and won’t allow anything having to do with God spoken of in their home.  

I think every person since the dawn of time has struggled at some point with the question of evil and of God allowing it to exist.  It’s a mystery, but in our humanness, we want answers.  We want to get it figured out.  If you’ve always wondered about these things, be cautious of those that would like to enlighten you.  Chances are, they don’t know either.  They’ve just found something that fits neatly into their framework of thinking and they may become frustrated with you if it doesn’t fit as neatly within yours.

Work is going well.  I keep saying that I’m learning a lot, and really, that’s my number one goal in this job.  This week I learned that different school buildings have different “personalities”, so to speak, mainly due to the decisions, goals, and even personality types of the top administrators within the building.  I learned that not everyone plays by the same rules, and that some either ignore the rules, or invent their own.  And the other thing I relearned, even though I’ve already had this lesson several times in my life, is that you learn more by listening than you ever do by talking.  Just listen.  Observe.  Think.  Question.  Then listen some more.          
    

Ta Dah!

I’m back among the living!  Did ya miss me?  I’ll spare you the gory details, but for the last 4 days I’ve been battling the effects of a stomach virus.  I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing like a good old-fashioned stomach flu to help you find your priorities in life.  At one point my priorities were focused on a single feat:  to lay as perfectly still as I could, without moving not even an eyelid muscle, with the bedspread pulled over my head.  I had hoped (in vain) that this meditative posture would help quell the rising tide of…

Well, I digress.  After 3 days of water and broth, and one day of the BRAT diet, I am embarking on my first day of “real” food, and will go to work for half a day.  (BRAT = bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast. It was great.  Thanks for asking.)  A complicating factor is getting used to a new regimen of diabetes meds, but I think I will survive that too.  Ms. Pancreas should be extra happy.  I haven’t really made her work very hard the last 4 days.  It doesn’t take much insulin to digest water or broth - admit it, Ms. P!  
Candice commented that I shouldn’t spend so much blog time yelling at a body part.  She’s right!  (If you just ignore the behavior of the alleged body part, it will “extinguish” itself.  Whatever works…)

So it’s back to thinking more like a school psychologist and less like a flu victim.  On my schedule this week, besides another funeral to attend, is to get some information about a “baffling” student no one can quite get a handle on, a little one on one counseling with a student from a situation you can’t imagine anyone surviving intact from, and some time spent learning to give a test I’ve not given before.  Fortunately, my first victim of this new test is a young child – I have discovered they are most forgiving when it comes to working with adults who are unsure of themselves.

It’s good to be up and going today.

  





  

A Public Apology to Miss Pancreas

Apparently, my pancreas reads my blog.  It (she?) became upset about the entry where I expressed my frustration toward her, and, admittedly, I blamed her for not producing enough insulin for me.  I believe I called her “lazy” and I did state (not on this blog, but at other times) that she hasn’t known a good day’s work in several years.  I also insinuated that she put my metabolism in a wheelchair.

Well, I’m SORRY!  SORRY SORRY SORRY!  Little Miss Hoity Toity Pancreas informs me that it isn’t HER fault.  It’s the cells of my body.  She’s producing insulin, (she says, but how can I believe her), but that the cells are not accepting it.  They are “resisting”.  They are stubborn and rebellious.  They are closed-minded and have their gates shut tight.  They passed the Patriot Act a long time ago and not only are they keeping out the terrorists, but they are also keeping out the insulin good guys.  It’s the cells’ problem, not hers.  So, Miss Particular Prissy Pancreas would like an apology.  

Well whatever.  I still think it may be because she’s not producing a quality insulin.  If it were Sterling Silver Grade A Prime Cut Quality Bar None insulin, they’d probably take it.  So now we have an internal war - Miss Pancreas says she’s sending the troops, but the troops are unable to penetrate the borders.  Great.  I gotta make med changes.  It is such a serious situation that I’m being told to increase it four fold.  So now the reinforcements are coming in.  They’re gonna kick down walls, penetrate barriers, storm gates, and open up those bunkers.  And this war will never be over!  Great!

Good Morning

Driving to work is always an exercise in appreciating Kansas sunrises. However, now that the day starts earlier, I can see the fulfillment of what the Painter is creating on His sky canvas And the last few days, the words to a hymn going all the way back to the 18th century come to mind. They are:
“When morning gilds the skies my heart awaking cries:May Jesus Christ be praised! Alike at work and prayer, to Jesus I repair: May Jesus Christ be praised!”
You might think the word “repair” is an odd word to use in the text, but one of the definitions of this word is “to go frequently or habitually”. I like that. But I also like thinking of it in a more modern way-to Jesus I go for repairs! Because, man, do I ever feel broken. And, you notice the hymn writer specifically mentions “at work”. They didn’t have school psychologists in the 18th century. So how did HE know I was going to need to think about this text while driving a machine down a highway at speeds he’d never gone in his life?

He didn’t. But I would imagine upon awakening in the mornings, he might have felt broken too. As he began his chores early in the day, he marveled at the sunrises of the Painter - and more than 200 years later, his words live on. They speak to someone who is experiencing a life he could never in his wildest dreams imagine.

There are 14 verses in all to this hymn. See them at: http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/w/h/e/whenmgts.htm

Trying Times

What day is this?  I feel like I’ve neglected this blog for several days now but it was a difficult week.  A close family friend went to heaven and her service was last Saturday.  It was my honor and privilege to play the piano for the service but a little stressful.  There were more than 200 people crammed in our little church sanctuary.  

Besides doing the work of a practicum student, I’m trying to clear up two incompletes, or else I won’t graduate in May.  Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants…I am making progress on reports I owe but it feels like a whole mountain of work is ahead of me yet.  I have a test for licensing coming up on March 4 and haven’t begun to prepare for it.  But what’s happening to me isn’t unusual - it’s just life.  Everybody has stuff to take care, to deal with, to worry about.

I observed students of varying degrees of disability last Friday in a special education classroom.  There was a student with Downs Syndrome, other students with MR diagnoses, and one student with severe multiple disabilities.  I came to the swift conclusion that we do not pay our special ed teachers enough, and, we certainly do not pay the paraprofessionals commensurate with the responsibilities we give them.

I think every politician that talks about education reform should visit schools, and not only visit general education classrooms, but look in on classrooms where students with special needs are being served.  I think they’d be amazed at the work that goes on in our schools.    

Problems Everywhere

Problems Everywhere

I work in a small town, in a small school system. It seems that everyone in the office has grown up there, lived there many years, and knows everyone and everyone’s business. Even those that commute to work in the office and don’t live in that town know a lot of information about the residents and the political workings. I’m a real outsider, going there during the day to learn job skills which I hope will transfer to any school system I choose to work in when I do so for “real”.

I’m not naïve, but what I’m a little surprised at is that the children who live in this area have many of the same catastrophic problems that kids in large cities do. I knew I wasn’t going to experience a “Mayberry” culture but I truly wasn’t expecting to come across so many kids who have been exposed to horrific acts of violence. An eight year old girl, cute as a button, with freckles and an easy smile told me about her aunt’s boyfriend. “He shot her in cold blood” was her assessment of the situation. I’ve also learned of a couple of students who have witnessed parental suicides and others who have been the collateral victims of their parent’s domestic assaults. And because this is a rural area, the production of meth is a big problem. There are several children who have been exposed to this hallucinogen, compromising academic potential. Poverty is an issue there as well, with some single parents not making enough money to pay the rent.

It was said to me this week, “If I hear one more time about how we are doing this all for the kids, I won’t be able to stand it.” Maybe I’m truly naïve, but I thought that’s what I was doing this for. It sure isn’t for the paycheck, the prestige, or the Hollywood acclaim.
No matter where you live or work, there’s always a need for someone to be an advocate for children. Someone who can help give them the best chance they’re going to get in life to make it in this world. You don’t have to be a school psychologist to do that. You just need to be a concerned citizen with a 30 minute time frame during the day to volunteer at a school. Once a week. The same amount of time it takes to watch one rerun of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” And immensely more productive.

Happy Birthday KANSAS

My home state, Kansas, celebrated a 145th birthday yesterday, January 28. I realize the first thing people don’t necessarily think of when describing Kansas is “beautiful” or “breathtaking”.  Words like “flat” and “boring” are much more often used, even by those who claim this state as home.  But not by me.

I unabashedly, unashamedly, and unequivocally love Kansas.  Kansas and the people who live here are home to me.  Even as a child, I loved seeing the golden wheat fields waving in the wind, complimented by a blue sky so beautiful Crayola can’t make a color for it.  I love the flatness of the land and how you can see for miles.  Until you get to the rolling Flint Hills - there’s a place just west of Salina along I-70 that is breathtaking.  The sunrises, the sunsets, the patchwork farmland, the smell of alfalfa, the fields of sunflowers, the clear night skies-Kansas is a treasure to me.  One of these days I’d like to own a patch of Kansas soil-I’d be happy with an acre or so.  Give me a little John Deere tractor and some bib overalls, and I’d be living in heaven on earth!

Wednesday, Wednesday

Wednesday, Wednesday, so good to meeee…..Wednesday, Wednesday, it was all I  hoped it would beeeee….

So, yeah.  Mid week.  Things are picking up.  I am working at 2 elementary schools, 1 middle school, an alternative school, and a high school.  I have 4 people I work for directly, and 2 people I answer to sort of indirectly.  I feel extremely disorganized because I’ve met so many people I can’t remember who works at what school…I’m doing good to be at the correct school on the correct day, let alone remember who goes where.  I am now called “Mrs. ****” on a regular basis, by both kids and staff, which is sort of odd for me.  It makes me feel old because it reminds me that I called my mother-in-law “Mrs. ****” many years ago when she was still living (I never got around to the informal first name basis with her, or the even more casual, “Mom”).

I have some scheduled assessment appointments to help with both initial and re-evaluations, and it looks like I’ll be working in the after school program as well – I may have an opportunity to provide some counseling there to a couple of children who, it was explained to me today, have “issues”.    

The schedule isn’t any easier, but I surely do enjoy the drive.  It’s an opportunity for me to plan my day on the way there, and to unwind on the way back.  What I learned today:  Even a school psych who is an “old hand” at her/his job makes mistakes.  And after becoming an “old hand”,  I will too.  

Time to head to church.  Changing hats completely, I’m heading up a committee meeting to plan our spring women’s retreat.  Then choir practice.  Then home.  Tomorrow it’s up at dark-thirty to do it again.  

"Monday, Monday, so good to meeee.....Monday mornin', it was all I hoped it would beeee...."
If you know that song, you're at least within 10 years of my age. THAT should make you feel better!

Anyhow, yeah. It's Monday. Finished my day still sort of in the "I'm the new person at work" mode. I hate that mode. It's hard to feel part of a group when you can't remember everyone's name because you met like a million and three people already, and you don't want to ask AGAIN for the upteenth time. And, like every other work place, there's the cliques. I was at a lunch Friday where I was sitting between about 4 conversations and didn't participate in any of them, still feeling like an outsider. Those of you who know me well probably don't think I ever feel uncomfortable and out of place in a social/workplace setting, but that's a wrong assumption. I was glad to get back to WSU today because it feels like "home" (that's kinda sad!!)

I'm doing some testing this week, and some observations. It promises to be a little busier than last week. I'm working with two field supervisors who are about as opposite as two people can be and still do the same job. I think THAT will be the most interesting observation I make this entire practicum...how two competently trained professionals can have such a different approach, not only to work but to LIFE.

Greetings to all who read, and may you have a good week.

Oh. Oh. Groan. I'm not young anymore! I've been on this working schedule for three days, and because I'm not getting to bed earlier, I'm really tired. Tonight's the night. I'm really going early. Really I am.

Did you know that if you line up the "B" key on your computer keyboard with your belly button, it will reduce wrist strain? That was one of the first things I learned this week, having received this information from my supervisor in an email. (!!!) But thankfully, I learned other things as well. I learned I can function with half my brain cells asleep, but I also learned you should remain alert while driving the turnpike. I learned that Kansas sunrises are spectacular. I discovered that I have a lot to learn before I can competently provide psychological services to children. And, I'm learning once again, as we all have to at various points in our lives, how to prioritize. Some lessons must be taught more than once.

The First Day

Let’s see.  I’ve had my bran cereal.  My coffee is standing at attention, ready to perk me up.  I’ve packed my lunch.  Retrieved my cell phone from the charger.  I’m ready.  No, I’m not ready.  I recall the words of the writer of the Proverbs, perhaps in answer to the question:  “How do I achieve success?”  He explained it this way:  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

May these words encourage and strengthen you for whatever tasks lie before you, whether you’re starting a new job, or going to an “old” job in a rut that’s been worn deep in many years of daily routine.  Perhaps you are struggling with decisions that must be made, critical, serious, decisions.  My best advice for what it’s worth, (from this middle-aged person walking through new doors today), is to make them while NOT “leaning on your own understanding.”  If you are able to do that, then what follows is certainly true:  “Then you will understand what is right and just and fair-every good path.  For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.  Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard your ways.”  Proverbs 2:9-11 NIV
Have a great day!

The Flu

The last few days have crawled by in a haze of Kleenex, coughing, body aches, and fatigue.  When you’ve got the flu, time is warped.  It either goes by slowly, when you aren’t able to rest, or it fast forwards by when you DO rest, and sleep during the day.  You wake up and squint at the clock…is it really already 4:00pm?  It feels like it should be the next morning.  Or the day before.  Or something.

I’m SO looking forward to feeling normal again.  Today I kept a 9:00am appointment, but by the time I got home around noon, I was exhausted.  What did our ancestors do when they had the flu?  I’m sure there were times my grandmother and great-grandmother did not feel well, but yet, they kept on going.  There were no sick days, no vacation days, no leave time, no “calling in sick”, no doctor’s offices to call, no Nyquil, no Advil.  They continued to fix meals and wash clothes.  They cared for children, tended gardens, milked cows, cleaned chicken houses and barns, and just kept going.  I am inspired by these hardworking women.  As I sneeze and reach for another Kleenex, (a Puffs PLUS, no less), I wonder if I could have made it.  Am I made of the same stuff as these prairie women?  I don’t think so…  

Encouragement-the breath of life

I still hate my pancreas.  It’s just SO undependable, lazy, and uncooperative.  Well, maybe I can be that way too, sometimes…(my pancreas and I are one…)…I begged my doctor to give me three months before making changes in medication, and before going on insulin.  He agreed.  SO, if I’m very very very good, maybe I can stave off facing the needle.  However, I do know some people who are doing quite well on insulin, so maybe most of it is in the attitude.  They feel good and look good…they just have to think about poking themselves 4 times a day.  

My nephew was married Saturday, yes, the very nephew who not very long ago was playing with transformers and collecting insects, rocks, string, and other boy toys.  I wish Scott and Laura well and welcome to our family, Laura!  You’ll be a tremendous asset in Scott’s life, just don’t make him give up the transformers yet.

I received a call from the school district I’m working in, and a very warm voice extended a welcome to me, and a timely word of encouragement to not be nervous because “we are all crazy as loons.”  THIS makes me feel better!  Seriously, it does.  I so much appreciated the thoughtfulness of this person to call and assure me that things will work out fine and that they are looking forward to me working and learning in their district.  Breathe in, breathe out.  I feel better.  

I hate my pancreas

Doc visit this afternoon.  Unplanned for until the office called.  “Could you come in?  There’s a problem with your lab work…”  Just what a Type 2 diabetic wants to hear.  Come on pancreas!  Get that insulin pumping.  Could THIS be why I’ve been feeling so tired, sluggish, and depressed?  Ya think???  I hope to be in better shape in 30 days without going on insulin.  I’ve cheated far too much the LAST 30 days - that’s enough of that.