This morning a friend took me to breakfast before she had to be at school, and we played catch up. I now know all the news, shared while we laughed and ate together. She brought me some things from school staff, including a card signed by all of them and a gift card - how appreciative I am of those who are reaching out to me. They are all so busy and things are so hectic right now so I am doubly blessed.
So after all this there is no conclusive evidence to point to what happened to me. I can't believe that my insurance company is going to pay Wesley tens of thousands of dollars and there's not an answer to why I lost consciousness. I am relieved, but am puzzled. Thankfully, I am going to back to work January 4, however it seems I'm always thinking about it, hoping that it won't happen again.
We had our family Christmas gift exchange yesterday. The old man and I so much enjoy watching our kids and kid in laws interact as friends. Much of the time, we just observe them and marvel that they all get all so well. The gifts that were given were thoughtful - they have truly learned the art of giving. Of course, the "star" of the show was our grandson, who certainly knows how to rip paper off of packages. That was almost more fun than what was contained in the box. He enjoyed playing with his first remote controlled vehicle - a little train that wheeled around on grandma's kitchen floor.
Speaking of Christmas, have you given yourself time to think about and ponder the meaning behind our celebrations? The Eternal Son came wrapped in human flesh, born helpless and dependent - His life exemplifying sacrificial love from day one. In my class at church yesterday, we "pondered" the entire chapter of Luke 2, and discussed the only record of Jesus' early years recorded in the gospels. Several times Luke says, "Mary pondered these things in her heart."
We need to spend more time pondering and less time pontificating. More time praying and less time stewing about what we can't change. More time thinking about how we need to meet God on His terms and less time about what our rights are. The life we choose to lead when we choose obedience and adherence to a holy calling is difficult and not for the fainthearted. Following up on commitment takes time and energy, and an understanding that it's not about self, nor about what we gain. It's about what the kingdom of God gains when we give it all up for Him.
Monday, December 21, 2015
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Mom
Thirty years ago this December, my mother went to heaven to be with Jesus. I think about her a lot, even daily at times, in spite of the fact that this event happened in 1985. She was stricken with a stroke in June of 1984 and appeared to be able to benefit from rehabilitation, however, another stroke occurred a few weeks later which caused so much damage that she never again would speak, walk, sit, eat, or take care of her own needs. She communicated with eyegaze and at times could squeeze your hand, but this depended on the day. A vivid memory I have is on a day that my sister was here to visit, and came to say goodbye. As Linda walked out the door , mom turned her head to follow her, her brow furrowed, and tears flowed from her eyes. I hadn't at that point seen her turn her head, but I had from time to time seen moisture on her face. At times, she was so aware of people around her but so unable to communicate - however, I think in this instance, she willed herself to try to express what she was feeling.
So today, I woke up and thought of her. I was already bemoaning the long day which stretched before me - I am here pretty much alone from early morning on - and I wasn't looking forward to it. But then, thoughts of mom came to the surface. For more than a year, she laid in a bed, totally dependent on others to help take care of her every need, even moistening her mouth with swabs because it became very dry and she was not able to swallow anything. (The last food I saw her eat was some green beans from her garden I brought her in the hospital after her first stroke. "These are good!", she told me. I remember thinking I was so glad I brought them for her - she loved garden green beans.) So from first stroke to her homegoing, it was a few days more than 18 months. My dad faithfully visited her two and sometimes three times daily, and others visited as they could, so I would imagine that every day she had at least one person from the family and community who came to see her, however, I still think of her lying there, day after day after day, night after night going by slowly with no one around except for an occasional nursing staff member to check on her, every day just like the previous one, with no end in sight. And here I am, a daughter of this mother who suffered so much, impatiently waiting at home for the ok to return to life as normal. Mom never had that.
Mom, you are after all these years still teaching me, still giving me an example of faith, of hope, of perseverance, and of longing for heaven and all that awaits us. Your daughter at 61 years of age is still learning from you, and what precious lessons they are! How grateful I am to be your child, and that you raised me to be someone seeking to know God and to be a part of His family. And now I can see that my own children are continuing in this faith, and participate in this legacy. There is no greater joy for me.
"Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee.
Thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not.
As thou has been, thou forever wilt be.
Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning, new mercies I see!
All I have needed thy hands have provided,
Great is thy faithfulness! Lord unto me."
-Words by Thomas Chisholm
-Music by William Runyan
_
So today, I woke up and thought of her. I was already bemoaning the long day which stretched before me - I am here pretty much alone from early morning on - and I wasn't looking forward to it. But then, thoughts of mom came to the surface. For more than a year, she laid in a bed, totally dependent on others to help take care of her every need, even moistening her mouth with swabs because it became very dry and she was not able to swallow anything. (The last food I saw her eat was some green beans from her garden I brought her in the hospital after her first stroke. "These are good!", she told me. I remember thinking I was so glad I brought them for her - she loved garden green beans.) So from first stroke to her homegoing, it was a few days more than 18 months. My dad faithfully visited her two and sometimes three times daily, and others visited as they could, so I would imagine that every day she had at least one person from the family and community who came to see her, however, I still think of her lying there, day after day after day, night after night going by slowly with no one around except for an occasional nursing staff member to check on her, every day just like the previous one, with no end in sight. And here I am, a daughter of this mother who suffered so much, impatiently waiting at home for the ok to return to life as normal. Mom never had that.
Mom, you are after all these years still teaching me, still giving me an example of faith, of hope, of perseverance, and of longing for heaven and all that awaits us. Your daughter at 61 years of age is still learning from you, and what precious lessons they are! How grateful I am to be your child, and that you raised me to be someone seeking to know God and to be a part of His family. And now I can see that my own children are continuing in this faith, and participate in this legacy. There is no greater joy for me.
"Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee.
Thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not.
As thou has been, thou forever wilt be.
Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning, new mercies I see!
All I have needed thy hands have provided,
Great is thy faithfulness! Lord unto me."
-Words by Thomas Chisholm
-Music by William Runyan
_
Monday, December 14, 2015
Day 14
I'm starting my 3rd week of being off work. I feel pretty good almost all the time, and would like to go back, but am waiting on the doctor to look at all of the slides from the tests I had at Wesley and tell me what he thinks happened. I hope to hear from him today. In the meantime, I wait.
I could be all mature and tell you what I've learned so far, but it's a work in progress. One thing I know - I'm an independent person and it's been hard for me to ask for rides or other accommodations. I would much rather be the person that gives to someone else - not that I'm so altruistic but because frankly, it's easier I think. The other thing is that I have to work hard at staying in a routine and on a schedule. I find it difficult to find "meaningful" work when I'm here at home, so having things planned to do, even though I don't necessarily WANT to do them, helps.
My study through the Psalms is continuing. We're studying David's life in my class at church and knowing the background for some of the Psalms he wrote is interesting. Lots of honest sometimes gutwrenching emotion there, lots of painful plaintive crying out to God is present in his writings. Thanks be to God these writings were preserved for us today and are so meaningful to so many.
Today I think of those I know who are in far worse circumstances than I find myself in and my prayers are for them.
I could be all mature and tell you what I've learned so far, but it's a work in progress. One thing I know - I'm an independent person and it's been hard for me to ask for rides or other accommodations. I would much rather be the person that gives to someone else - not that I'm so altruistic but because frankly, it's easier I think. The other thing is that I have to work hard at staying in a routine and on a schedule. I find it difficult to find "meaningful" work when I'm here at home, so having things planned to do, even though I don't necessarily WANT to do them, helps.
My study through the Psalms is continuing. We're studying David's life in my class at church and knowing the background for some of the Psalms he wrote is interesting. Lots of honest sometimes gutwrenching emotion there, lots of painful plaintive crying out to God is present in his writings. Thanks be to God these writings were preserved for us today and are so meaningful to so many.
Today I think of those I know who are in far worse circumstances than I find myself in and my prayers are for them.
Tuesday, December 08, 2015
Verse for Today
"Praise be to the Lord,
to God our Savior,
Who daily bears our burdens. "
Psalm 68:19
to God our Savior,
Who daily bears our burdens. "
Psalm 68:19
Day Seven Post Brain Reboot
Recovery is going slow but well - it's baby steps every day. This never happens at a fast enough pace no matter what the injury - and part of it is to just learn to be patient and wait for healing to come.
I'm walking ok except for some veering in other directions and some balance issues. Speech/commnication is still a bit odd and not quite "normal" - sometimes it seems to take me awhile to find words particularly mid sentence just in social conversation. I'm also having some sensory issues but not to the extreme - I've found that taking naps when my body is tired helps with that. All in all, it could be worse and as I said yesterday, I am profoundly grateful.
Doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm going to try to see my district supervisor to discuss work related issues. Also I will try to make it to church for Wednesday night dinner, so it'll be a full day.
On the schedule today - playing the keyboard and just doing some housework. I'm trying to work the crossword puzzle in the paper and just practice walking. It's such nice weather that I might try to walk down the sidewalk to the end of the block and back.
Encouragement for today comes from Lamentations:
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail,
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him."
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
It is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord."
Lamentations 3:22-26 NIV
Monday, December 07, 2015
Why me?
Dear God, I just want to ask you a question, which is, why me? Don't misunderstand, not why me in the sense of, why is this happening to me, but - the opposite - why did this brain thing happen to me in just exactly the right place at exactly the right time?
Why was I not careening down Kellogg at 60+mph going to or from a school or downtown? Why was I not babysitting my grandson alone, or why not a million and one other scenarios that are so dreadful and so tragic that I can't even think about them without my heart breaking?
Why did you look down on your millions of children and know what was going to happen to my little brain, and then orchestrate this event in such a way that there was no trauma to anyone else, nor was there worse injury to me?
I am overwhelmed with grief and sorrow at what could have been - it washes over me in waves. The words "grateful" and "thankful" do not begin to describe my heartfelt gratitude to the Almighty Maker of heaven and earth, to the Creator of all and the Author of my redemption - how amazing and wonderful you are. I know You know me. I am reminded of an Old Testament passage - of Hagar saying, "I have now seen the God Who sees me." Hagar gave God this name - El Roi - the God who sees.
In recent events, there's so many people who have been innocently going about their life's responsibilities when suddenly, out of nowhere, because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, there is gut wrenching agony for those who loved them. Most of the time, life doesn't make sense.. And so, what choice for me but to rest in your unchanging grace no matter what happens to me, my family, or my brothers and sisters around the world. Your faithfulness is great, you are a God who keeps all your promises. My best and only recourse is to trust in You no matter what happens or doesn't happen. This place is not my home, but you are the God who sees.
"His oath, his covenant, his blood,
Support me in the whelming flood,
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay."
Verse 3, "The Solid Rock", by Edward Mote
Why was I not careening down Kellogg at 60+mph going to or from a school or downtown? Why was I not babysitting my grandson alone, or why not a million and one other scenarios that are so dreadful and so tragic that I can't even think about them without my heart breaking?
Why did you look down on your millions of children and know what was going to happen to my little brain, and then orchestrate this event in such a way that there was no trauma to anyone else, nor was there worse injury to me?
I am overwhelmed with grief and sorrow at what could have been - it washes over me in waves. The words "grateful" and "thankful" do not begin to describe my heartfelt gratitude to the Almighty Maker of heaven and earth, to the Creator of all and the Author of my redemption - how amazing and wonderful you are. I know You know me. I am reminded of an Old Testament passage - of Hagar saying, "I have now seen the God Who sees me." Hagar gave God this name - El Roi - the God who sees.
In recent events, there's so many people who have been innocently going about their life's responsibilities when suddenly, out of nowhere, because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, there is gut wrenching agony for those who loved them. Most of the time, life doesn't make sense.. And so, what choice for me but to rest in your unchanging grace no matter what happens to me, my family, or my brothers and sisters around the world. Your faithfulness is great, you are a God who keeps all your promises. My best and only recourse is to trust in You no matter what happens or doesn't happen. This place is not my home, but you are the God who sees.
"His oath, his covenant, his blood,
Support me in the whelming flood,
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay."
Verse 3, "The Solid Rock", by Edward Mote
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Little Square
In the mornings while we eat breakfast, we look out our front window and notice the sunrise. Now don't get me wrong, we don't actually see the sun rise nor do we ever see the sun set. We live in the middle of the city, and there are buildings and trees all around which limit our views of either horizon. I should say that we see the colors streaked across the sky so we know the sun is close to either going to bed or getting up.
So in the morning, as we either look out the window or we sit on the porch swing with our coffee, we can see the sky in a square, framed by trees on two sides and the roof of a building at the elementary school across the bottom of the square. In this square for a time in the morning, the sky is orange/pinkish and if there are clouds, the picture which is painted is amazing.
Although I can be a little unhappy that this is all I get to see, (and in the evening the view of the sunset is even more obstructed), I still get to see what's happening in my square every morning, which draws me to think of Him who upholds the order and functioning of the universe every second of every minute of every hour of every day. The view of my square is a view of a Creator who invites me each day to trust in Him and to follow His voice, to be still and know that He is God.
I have many concerns this day. I have much to fret and be anxious about but the square is a gift to me to remind me of Him who is faithful to keep all His promises, and this reminder is all I need.
So in the morning, as we either look out the window or we sit on the porch swing with our coffee, we can see the sky in a square, framed by trees on two sides and the roof of a building at the elementary school across the bottom of the square. In this square for a time in the morning, the sky is orange/pinkish and if there are clouds, the picture which is painted is amazing.
Although I can be a little unhappy that this is all I get to see, (and in the evening the view of the sunset is even more obstructed), I still get to see what's happening in my square every morning, which draws me to think of Him who upholds the order and functioning of the universe every second of every minute of every hour of every day. The view of my square is a view of a Creator who invites me each day to trust in Him and to follow His voice, to be still and know that He is God.
I have many concerns this day. I have much to fret and be anxious about but the square is a gift to me to remind me of Him who is faithful to keep all His promises, and this reminder is all I need.
Thursday, September 03, 2015
Heart cries
The first few days of August, I injured my lower back wrestling with a heavy potted plant. It's a month later and I still have pain - however - there's hope on the horizon as I'm getting a nerve block Friday. I am so looking forward to this and am trusting that it will work.
But you know, what I have is minor compared to others I know who are suffering greatly. It is almost overwhelming for me to think of people in my circle who are truly needing an intervention from our God. I know He knows all, sees all, and works in ways we cannot even imagine to care for us, His children - I know He knows our sorrows.
I am going to be brave and try to put into words something I have not shared with many but if you know me well, you will understand. I have always been tenderhearted, with a tendency to cry during coffee commercials, movies, TV shows - you name it. When I tell people goodbye I choke up. When I look at my friend and she's sharing her heart and I see tears, I'm there. I've actually gotten to the point where I could not speak at a couple of memorable staffings when talking with parents about their kids. When I have to deliver hard news to a parent, particularly that my findings are that their child is intellectually disabled (used to be called mentally retarded), I practice for days before ever meeting with them so that I can make it through that difficult conversation and maintain composure.
Today at school a friend needed someone to talk to. As she shared a very difficult situation with me regarding her family, she apologized for "burdening" me, and I heard myself say to her as I hugged her: "It's ok, I've got room for you to give it to me".
Tonight, it seems the weight of the world's sorrows are upon me. My heart is broken for police officers affected by violence and for racial tension which is ever present. I am sorrowful for those I know who are suffering from cancer, those who have been recently widowed, and those who are living with mental illness. It is overwhelming.
And then, two days ago, I ran into this you tube video which someone posted on Facebook, of a flash mob singing Every Praise in downtown Birmingham Alabama. I have viewed it several times. I have sung it all day at work. I have listened to it tonight again. And I STILL cannot make it through without tears. It for some reason, has resonated deeply within me, teaching me, reminding me, and comforting me that God is our Savior, He's our Healer, and He's our Deliverer. Every praise, every word of praise, every hallelujah, is to our God.
A lot of the burden I feel is for our world today. I have no solutions for the mess we're in, and we people living in these United States - we are truly in a mess. No politician will save us. No leader who arises will save us. No government will save us. Our only hope is to trust in the living God, who brings to power rulers and authorities as He wills and just as easily dismantles them. What I'm longing for is a wind sweeping over the land, a holy wind, a Spirit of healing, hope, and of conviction - a Spirit who will turn our hearts toward our God so that every praise and every hallelujah is to Him.
I long for the Church to arise, and to boldly proclaim truth with great power. I long for people to hear that truth, and to hear the voice of God who loves them so dearly and who wants them to come into His family. And as much as people would like to blame the Republicans for the mess Kansas is in, and the Democrats for the mess Washington is in, the truth of the matter is that the mess we're in is because we as a nation have strayed far from Truth. We have not bowed our hearts to Him and thus, we have sinned. We have proudly and boldly proclaimed error as truth and God as a fairy tale. We have decided for ourselves what is right and what is wrong, and we are complacent and compromising, putting our trust not in God, but in those who lead us astray.
Every praise is to our God. Every word of praise is to our God. Every hallelujah is to our God.
If you believe this, then I challenge you to live it. Here's a link to the flash mob at 5 Points South in Birmingham. Copy and paste, or go to You Tube and search for it using that title.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRnMGWBa7Ko
But you know, what I have is minor compared to others I know who are suffering greatly. It is almost overwhelming for me to think of people in my circle who are truly needing an intervention from our God. I know He knows all, sees all, and works in ways we cannot even imagine to care for us, His children - I know He knows our sorrows.
I am going to be brave and try to put into words something I have not shared with many but if you know me well, you will understand. I have always been tenderhearted, with a tendency to cry during coffee commercials, movies, TV shows - you name it. When I tell people goodbye I choke up. When I look at my friend and she's sharing her heart and I see tears, I'm there. I've actually gotten to the point where I could not speak at a couple of memorable staffings when talking with parents about their kids. When I have to deliver hard news to a parent, particularly that my findings are that their child is intellectually disabled (used to be called mentally retarded), I practice for days before ever meeting with them so that I can make it through that difficult conversation and maintain composure.
Today at school a friend needed someone to talk to. As she shared a very difficult situation with me regarding her family, she apologized for "burdening" me, and I heard myself say to her as I hugged her: "It's ok, I've got room for you to give it to me".
Tonight, it seems the weight of the world's sorrows are upon me. My heart is broken for police officers affected by violence and for racial tension which is ever present. I am sorrowful for those I know who are suffering from cancer, those who have been recently widowed, and those who are living with mental illness. It is overwhelming.
And then, two days ago, I ran into this you tube video which someone posted on Facebook, of a flash mob singing Every Praise in downtown Birmingham Alabama. I have viewed it several times. I have sung it all day at work. I have listened to it tonight again. And I STILL cannot make it through without tears. It for some reason, has resonated deeply within me, teaching me, reminding me, and comforting me that God is our Savior, He's our Healer, and He's our Deliverer. Every praise, every word of praise, every hallelujah, is to our God.
A lot of the burden I feel is for our world today. I have no solutions for the mess we're in, and we people living in these United States - we are truly in a mess. No politician will save us. No leader who arises will save us. No government will save us. Our only hope is to trust in the living God, who brings to power rulers and authorities as He wills and just as easily dismantles them. What I'm longing for is a wind sweeping over the land, a holy wind, a Spirit of healing, hope, and of conviction - a Spirit who will turn our hearts toward our God so that every praise and every hallelujah is to Him.
I long for the Church to arise, and to boldly proclaim truth with great power. I long for people to hear that truth, and to hear the voice of God who loves them so dearly and who wants them to come into His family. And as much as people would like to blame the Republicans for the mess Kansas is in, and the Democrats for the mess Washington is in, the truth of the matter is that the mess we're in is because we as a nation have strayed far from Truth. We have not bowed our hearts to Him and thus, we have sinned. We have proudly and boldly proclaimed error as truth and God as a fairy tale. We have decided for ourselves what is right and what is wrong, and we are complacent and compromising, putting our trust not in God, but in those who lead us astray.
Every praise is to our God. Every word of praise is to our God. Every hallelujah is to our God.
If you believe this, then I challenge you to live it. Here's a link to the flash mob at 5 Points South in Birmingham. Copy and paste, or go to You Tube and search for it using that title.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRnMGWBa7Ko
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Recouperation
Three weeks ago last Thursday, I injured my back somehow, someway. MEC visit, doc office visit, two MRI's, and what do I have - a whole lot of inflammation which needs to get taken care of. I have not been to work since Monday, August 8. Sitting, standing, laying down, walking - all of these were painful. So since Thursday this week, I've been on some higher powered anti inflammatory pills, and a narcotic in an effort to deal with the inflammation so that I can go back to work on Monday. I'm pretty much a zombie this weekend, and am only writing this because I just took meds and they'll take awhile to kick in.
I'm an active person, so this is a different scenario for me - to just not do anything. Doctor's orders were strict - no going ANYWHERE, no doing ANYTHING.
After the injury happened, depression soon followed. It was difficult for me to carry out these orders and not see anyone day in and day out except the two men I live with.
So tonight I'm grateful for two work friends, who took the time to not only come by, but to bring dinner three different nights so that I didn't have to worry about cooking. It is true what the writer says : "There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother..." (Proverbs 18:24). I think of those who have neither family nor friends to help in times of need and I have come away with a new appreciation for brothers and sisters who live with chronic pain and who are lonely and discouraged. I've been recently convicted that I can do more than what I've been doing to meet needs. I can do more. I can do more than put someone's name on a prayer list. What that "more" looks like, I don't know, but suffering this comparatively mild condition, and dealing with feelings of loneliness and isolation have changed me.
I'm an active person, so this is a different scenario for me - to just not do anything. Doctor's orders were strict - no going ANYWHERE, no doing ANYTHING.
After the injury happened, depression soon followed. It was difficult for me to carry out these orders and not see anyone day in and day out except the two men I live with.
So tonight I'm grateful for two work friends, who took the time to not only come by, but to bring dinner three different nights so that I didn't have to worry about cooking. It is true what the writer says : "There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother..." (Proverbs 18:24). I think of those who have neither family nor friends to help in times of need and I have come away with a new appreciation for brothers and sisters who live with chronic pain and who are lonely and discouraged. I've been recently convicted that I can do more than what I've been doing to meet needs. I can do more. I can do more than put someone's name on a prayer list. What that "more" looks like, I don't know, but suffering this comparatively mild condition, and dealing with feelings of loneliness and isolation have changed me.
Saturday, July 04, 2015
Rare Moments
Have you ever experienced a moment so perfect that you thought to yourself - I really must remember this, this right here, this experience, this perfect time when the world around me is so wonderful I can't believe it? I'm struggling for words because this happened to me last night.
It was between 9 and about 9:40 in the evening. The spouse was off work for the holiday and we had completed a busy day. We ended up on the swing in the backyard and watched the sun set. The twilight was cool with just a slight breeze. Fireflies were beginning their evening dance rituals and the neighbors were lighting fireworks.
I sat down first and waited for him to return with a beverage for him and when he came out, he sat right beside me, not on the other end of the swing. He said, sipping from his bottle, "We got a lot done today". I agreed and an easy quiet conversation followed - I really can't even remember specifically what we talked about, but that's not really important.
You would think that a man and a woman who have lived together for 39 years might have nothing to say, and sometimes we don't - words are superfluous at times. But as we sat there together and relaxed, I was reminded again of how perfect he is for me, and how well we fit. There's no one I'd rather share these intimate moments with than him. How grateful I am for his steadiness, his faithfulness, and his sharing with me who he is.
I'm blogging about this because even if no one reads this post, I want it recorded for me. I want to be able to reach back and remember that this specific thing (event or incident sounds way too harsh for this) happened, and how I felt - and, how thankful I am for him.
To quote Garrison Keillor in one of the most favorite books I own "Leaving Home" - he says - "Thank you God for this good life, and forgive us when we don't love it enough."
It was between 9 and about 9:40 in the evening. The spouse was off work for the holiday and we had completed a busy day. We ended up on the swing in the backyard and watched the sun set. The twilight was cool with just a slight breeze. Fireflies were beginning their evening dance rituals and the neighbors were lighting fireworks.
I sat down first and waited for him to return with a beverage for him and when he came out, he sat right beside me, not on the other end of the swing. He said, sipping from his bottle, "We got a lot done today". I agreed and an easy quiet conversation followed - I really can't even remember specifically what we talked about, but that's not really important.
You would think that a man and a woman who have lived together for 39 years might have nothing to say, and sometimes we don't - words are superfluous at times. But as we sat there together and relaxed, I was reminded again of how perfect he is for me, and how well we fit. There's no one I'd rather share these intimate moments with than him. How grateful I am for his steadiness, his faithfulness, and his sharing with me who he is.
I'm blogging about this because even if no one reads this post, I want it recorded for me. I want to be able to reach back and remember that this specific thing (event or incident sounds way too harsh for this) happened, and how I felt - and, how thankful I am for him.
To quote Garrison Keillor in one of the most favorite books I own "Leaving Home" - he says - "Thank you God for this good life, and forgive us when we don't love it enough."
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
The Other Side of the Tracks
In this large city I call home, we live close to downtown in an historic neighborhood, characterized by old houses which have been restored, rentals (some kept up and some not), houses in disrepair, and, like ours, houses not exactly in disrepair, but houses that need work to keep them updated. We have lived here many years and know most of our neighbors, it is comfortable and home to us. Many of our acquaintances, however, would not feel safe here - and don't get me wrong, I don't throw caution to the wind and leave things unlocked, but neither do I fear going outside, walking in my neighborhood (during the day anyway), or sitting on my screened in porch anytime of the day or night.
A couple of evenings ago, I had the occasion to be in a home in the "Oaklawn" neighborhood. This area is located in the southeast part of my city, and was built shortly after WWII in answer to the aircraft companies needing cheap, fast, affordable housing for its workers. According to an internet source -
The homes weren't fancy, being built on concrete pads, and followed the same simple design throughout. Some were two bedroom, others were three bedrooms, and a few were small cottage types. The housing was only temporary until the city's economy caught up with Boeing and more homes could be built and sold. The long term plan was to demolish the structures and return the area to its original condition.
However, nothing was demolished, and Oaklawn today, particularly on the south side is cheap, rundown rentals, couches in yards, peeling paint, dogs on chains in the front yards, abandoned vehicles, and about everything you wouldn't want in a neighborhood, particularly in the mid section of this area. There are homes that have been kept up, but these are not in the majority. There is a small park for kids which looks like it has recently been built, and there are people who take pride in ownership of their homes, but they are few.
After I left my friend's house, I drove through Oaklawn looking for an address of someone I've known (but I've only been to her house twice). I normally am not on high alert as I drive through neighborhoods, but this was different. I saw two guys in a fist fight on the street, and as I kept going, turned down a road that ended up being a circular drive with people out in their yards watching me as I passed by. Junk piled on curbs, people standing in the street, dogs barking - these things contributed to an extremely uneasy feeling I had and I got out of there, thankfully finding a street which dumped out on 47th street.
I have been thinking about this a lot - what it must be like to be afraid to live in your own home? What it must be like to not be able to be comfortable in your own environment? What kids are like who grow up there in poverty and to the sounds of gunfire and the smells of unpicked up trash? It would be difficult to live each day on "high alert", and very taxing to the body and mind - but people do it every day. Oaklawn needs help. I know there is a neighborhood association, and there's a school, and there's a church or two, but somehow I get the feeling that like an ugly boil on your backside, our city leaders would rather not think about it. I dunno. I have no answers, only a sudden awareness that in the southeast part of town, families are really struggling.
A couple of evenings ago, I had the occasion to be in a home in the "Oaklawn" neighborhood. This area is located in the southeast part of my city, and was built shortly after WWII in answer to the aircraft companies needing cheap, fast, affordable housing for its workers. According to an internet source -
The homes weren't fancy, being built on concrete pads, and followed the same simple design throughout. Some were two bedroom, others were three bedrooms, and a few were small cottage types. The housing was only temporary until the city's economy caught up with Boeing and more homes could be built and sold. The long term plan was to demolish the structures and return the area to its original condition.
However, nothing was demolished, and Oaklawn today, particularly on the south side is cheap, rundown rentals, couches in yards, peeling paint, dogs on chains in the front yards, abandoned vehicles, and about everything you wouldn't want in a neighborhood, particularly in the mid section of this area. There are homes that have been kept up, but these are not in the majority. There is a small park for kids which looks like it has recently been built, and there are people who take pride in ownership of their homes, but they are few.
After I left my friend's house, I drove through Oaklawn looking for an address of someone I've known (but I've only been to her house twice). I normally am not on high alert as I drive through neighborhoods, but this was different. I saw two guys in a fist fight on the street, and as I kept going, turned down a road that ended up being a circular drive with people out in their yards watching me as I passed by. Junk piled on curbs, people standing in the street, dogs barking - these things contributed to an extremely uneasy feeling I had and I got out of there, thankfully finding a street which dumped out on 47th street.
I have been thinking about this a lot - what it must be like to be afraid to live in your own home? What it must be like to not be able to be comfortable in your own environment? What kids are like who grow up there in poverty and to the sounds of gunfire and the smells of unpicked up trash? It would be difficult to live each day on "high alert", and very taxing to the body and mind - but people do it every day. Oaklawn needs help. I know there is a neighborhood association, and there's a school, and there's a church or two, but somehow I get the feeling that like an ugly boil on your backside, our city leaders would rather not think about it. I dunno. I have no answers, only a sudden awareness that in the southeast part of town, families are really struggling.
Sunday, June 07, 2015
Late Ramblings
Yep, it's late for me, after 11:00pm. I'm finding it difficult to unwind and relax so I thought I'd post - in rereading some of my earlier writings, the yawning has already started :)
The porch renovation is coming along nicely. The reno team, which includes some unpaid volunteer help is wonderful - however, lest they think they're done, they're going to tackle a new kitchen floor and a repaint in there for me. That may involve less time but it will be chaotic inside where I live. I don't do well with chaos, but many times, it's unavoidable in order to reach a goal.
Health issues are looming large for me these days. They are complicated and frustrating, and I'm not a very patient patient. My family physician has been my health care provider for 35 years now and knows me well - and knows that I am struggling. He's taken good care of me all these years and I know he knows what he's doing, but... it's hard for me to continue to follow the regimen when results are not what we were expecting.
This next week I'm meeting with a nutritionist who I'm hoping will help. She talked about 103 miles a minute on the phone, so she may be too high energy for me but we'll see. I've also started back to the Y, and, I'm keeping track of these small steps on my goal sheet. On August 12, I want to see what I've accomplished.
The porch renovation is coming along nicely. The reno team, which includes some unpaid volunteer help is wonderful - however, lest they think they're done, they're going to tackle a new kitchen floor and a repaint in there for me. That may involve less time but it will be chaotic inside where I live. I don't do well with chaos, but many times, it's unavoidable in order to reach a goal.
Health issues are looming large for me these days. They are complicated and frustrating, and I'm not a very patient patient. My family physician has been my health care provider for 35 years now and knows me well - and knows that I am struggling. He's taken good care of me all these years and I know he knows what he's doing, but... it's hard for me to continue to follow the regimen when results are not what we were expecting.
This next week I'm meeting with a nutritionist who I'm hoping will help. She talked about 103 miles a minute on the phone, so she may be too high energy for me but we'll see. I've also started back to the Y, and, I'm keeping track of these small steps on my goal sheet. On August 12, I want to see what I've accomplished.
Monday, June 01, 2015
Life These Days
Good morning. I've now completed my 9th year working as a school psychologist. School is out and I've spent the last week decompressing and getting my "summer vacation legs" underneath me. Because I tend to procrastinate, and because I tend to want to be lazy, and because I need a visual reminder, I have set some goals for summer and am documenting each step I complete so that I can note progress made. This "progress" is sometimes noted as incremental tiny steps, so this documentation helps me see that hopefully, it really will make a difference. There are seven major things I want to accomplish during this two months that I'm off so I'm hoping this chart will help.
However, even on summer "vacation", there are students I think about almost every day. I wonder how life is for them, and if they are safe at home. As a mandated reporter, I've had my share of calls to DCF (and I'm not going to rant about those issues here), and those kids always are in my heart. I wish I knew (or maybe I don't) how they are. Other students I think about bring happy memories - the one second grader who told me he wanted to be a chemist when he grew up - and proceeded to instruct me on protons, neutrons, and electrons. The little girl who drew me a picture and wrote on it: "To Mrs. XXXX - the best teacher I ever had!" The precocious first grader with her hair piled up on top of her head who took my hand as we walked down the hall. The student from another country just learning English who tried tried tried so hard to get it right. A 5th grader leaving my school this year who I've watched carefully since 2nd grade- he now is struggling with lots of issues. O God, bless them and keep them!
*********************************
Today is cool and cloudy, not quite what you might expect in Kansas on June 1. The gardens are planted but there's been lots and lots of rain (the second wettest May on record just happened) so some things are not thriving as they should, however, lest anyone think I'm complaining, this rain has been an answer to prayer as far as the drought goes. It's made a big difference.
We're getting ready to tackle two more remodeling projects - thanks to my very talented sister-in-law - we will be redoing our porch and putting new flooring in and painting our kitchen. Our old house is a challenge, but there are things about it that we like. I think we'll probably stay here until we can't stay here anymore, then we'll pass it on to our kids and it will be their problem :) ,
*********************************
To close -
"When all is said and done, more is said than done."
-Lou Holtz
However, even on summer "vacation", there are students I think about almost every day. I wonder how life is for them, and if they are safe at home. As a mandated reporter, I've had my share of calls to DCF (and I'm not going to rant about those issues here), and those kids always are in my heart. I wish I knew (or maybe I don't) how they are. Other students I think about bring happy memories - the one second grader who told me he wanted to be a chemist when he grew up - and proceeded to instruct me on protons, neutrons, and electrons. The little girl who drew me a picture and wrote on it: "To Mrs. XXXX - the best teacher I ever had!" The precocious first grader with her hair piled up on top of her head who took my hand as we walked down the hall. The student from another country just learning English who tried tried tried so hard to get it right. A 5th grader leaving my school this year who I've watched carefully since 2nd grade- he now is struggling with lots of issues. O God, bless them and keep them!
*********************************
Today is cool and cloudy, not quite what you might expect in Kansas on June 1. The gardens are planted but there's been lots and lots of rain (the second wettest May on record just happened) so some things are not thriving as they should, however, lest anyone think I'm complaining, this rain has been an answer to prayer as far as the drought goes. It's made a big difference.
We're getting ready to tackle two more remodeling projects - thanks to my very talented sister-in-law - we will be redoing our porch and putting new flooring in and painting our kitchen. Our old house is a challenge, but there are things about it that we like. I think we'll probably stay here until we can't stay here anymore, then we'll pass it on to our kids and it will be their problem :) ,
*********************************
To close -
"When all is said and done, more is said than done."
-Lou Holtz
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Friendship Part 2
Hey, it's only been a month since I said I'd write the concluding post about friendship - here I am, what more do you want? :) (And I should be working on a report for a student, but I'm putting ALL that aside to write, vent, muse, ponder, etc)
I recently celebrated by 39th wedding anniversary, and I've always, almost since day one, felt like I married my best friend. But I certainly believe that friendship/relationships with others are important, and I wish I could get a handle on that a bit better. My spouse is kind of the same way. He has one person in his life he MIGHT call a buddy, but for some reason, men don't seem to trip over these relationships the way women might. He doesn't really feel the need for what he might call a "friend". He, like most men, has categorized his acquaintances into "boxes" - these guys are church guys, this man is a person I work with, this person is someone I talk to on the phone in the course of my job, etc. His friends are utilitarian. But a "friend"? Someone to do things with socially or to "share" (God forbid) with? Nope. Not happening for the spouse.
However, on the plus side, I enjoy a friendship relationship with my daughter. It has evolved over the years and I am grateful. I am also so thankful for the wives my brothers married - they are "friends" but they are family too. And my sister - what a special relationship THAT is - I treasure it even though we live many miles apart. Maybe like the person who thinks he needs something other than what he has, I'm chasing something that I don't really need because, well, I've already got it. Hmmmm.
****************************
School is winding down for the year. I cannot count the weeks or even days left because I have too much to do and it would overwhelm me. I am working one day at a time, trying to meet daily goals and not looking much further ahead than that. I've also recently started to set some personal daily goals as I manage tasks which need to be done at home. I'm a procrastinator, and if I can put it off, I will do that in a heartbeat so the daily goals help a lot. Sometimes the motivation isn't there but I've discovered (as all of you already know, I'm sure) that I can STILL accomplish something even if I'm not "feelin' it".
On this rather dreary, windy, cold April evening at twilight, from south central Kansas, may you find peace, contentment, and joy this day. Until next time.
I recently celebrated by 39th wedding anniversary, and I've always, almost since day one, felt like I married my best friend. But I certainly believe that friendship/relationships with others are important, and I wish I could get a handle on that a bit better. My spouse is kind of the same way. He has one person in his life he MIGHT call a buddy, but for some reason, men don't seem to trip over these relationships the way women might. He doesn't really feel the need for what he might call a "friend". He, like most men, has categorized his acquaintances into "boxes" - these guys are church guys, this man is a person I work with, this person is someone I talk to on the phone in the course of my job, etc. His friends are utilitarian. But a "friend"? Someone to do things with socially or to "share" (God forbid) with? Nope. Not happening for the spouse.
However, on the plus side, I enjoy a friendship relationship with my daughter. It has evolved over the years and I am grateful. I am also so thankful for the wives my brothers married - they are "friends" but they are family too. And my sister - what a special relationship THAT is - I treasure it even though we live many miles apart. Maybe like the person who thinks he needs something other than what he has, I'm chasing something that I don't really need because, well, I've already got it. Hmmmm.
****************************
School is winding down for the year. I cannot count the weeks or even days left because I have too much to do and it would overwhelm me. I am working one day at a time, trying to meet daily goals and not looking much further ahead than that. I've also recently started to set some personal daily goals as I manage tasks which need to be done at home. I'm a procrastinator, and if I can put it off, I will do that in a heartbeat so the daily goals help a lot. Sometimes the motivation isn't there but I've discovered (as all of you already know, I'm sure) that I can STILL accomplish something even if I'm not "feelin' it".
On this rather dreary, windy, cold April evening at twilight, from south central Kansas, may you find peace, contentment, and joy this day. Until next time.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Thoughts on Friendship
I've had cause to think about friendships these past few weeks. It's a tricky thing sometimes, to navigate these relationships because, well, people are people, and, all things are not equal. People choose relationships for different reasons, and sometimes there's a disparity in the give and take that these friendships require. When that happens, oftentimes (at least in my experience) the relationship is doomed to fail, which brings about heartache for one or both parties.
I teach a class at church with about, oh, 15-18 women attending. Some of these women are friends, some are acquaintances. Some are still looking at me as "the teacher" and are not wanting to become more than that. That's perfectly ok because frankly, I tend to screw up friendships one way or another. Job and family life precludes me from having a lot of time to devote to doing "friend" things with people. And, truth be told, people are wary of being a friend with a psychologist. They either find me fascinating or intimidating, neither of which is good for a friendship.
Another sometimes deathblow to a developing friendship is if one of the parties confides in and shares more intimately than what the other person is in the relationship for. This happens to me a lot, that is, people share with me things on a level that I probably don't reciprocate. I was in a friendship one time where the person accused me of never "giving", that she was always the one who had to "give". Actually, I thought it was the other way around because she was always the person who was telling me HER problems and asking me for advice that she never took. Some friendships can be just exhausting!
Currently, I am in a friendship/relationship which as far as I know now, benefits the other person more than it benefits me. I say this unabashedly because we all know what this is like, we just don't talk about it. I say "as far as I know now" because as these persons float in and out of your life, you sometimes can see with 20/20 hindsight how the relationship DID benefit you when it was a part of your life but when you're in the throes of it, it's hard to figure that out.
My "friend without benefits" relationship is a difficult trail to climb. I provide certain things for her, but she does not provide what I need in a friendship, because she can't. She is my age, yet has lived her whole life without ever learning how to view things from someone else's perspective. In this "arrangement" we have, it's all about her and what she needs from me - and I gotta tell you, when I understand the terms and abide by them, we get along fine. When I don't play by her rules then she gets upset, she pouts, and she becomes offended. I'm sure that as you read this you are asking, why are you in a relationship such as this?
Sometimes it's not about us either. Sometimes we do it because we just do it, because you just do what you've been called to do. You love and you try to meet needs, but you must have an understanding of the reciprocation issues in the friendship you are in or these people will cause you grief. I know that she's mad at me now over something that I didn't do that she thought I should have done for her. And she'll get maybe get over it. But in the meantime, I can't lose sleep about it - another person's choices/decisions are theirs alone, as are the consequences.
Next up: Men and Women's Friendships
I teach a class at church with about, oh, 15-18 women attending. Some of these women are friends, some are acquaintances. Some are still looking at me as "the teacher" and are not wanting to become more than that. That's perfectly ok because frankly, I tend to screw up friendships one way or another. Job and family life precludes me from having a lot of time to devote to doing "friend" things with people. And, truth be told, people are wary of being a friend with a psychologist. They either find me fascinating or intimidating, neither of which is good for a friendship.
Another sometimes deathblow to a developing friendship is if one of the parties confides in and shares more intimately than what the other person is in the relationship for. This happens to me a lot, that is, people share with me things on a level that I probably don't reciprocate. I was in a friendship one time where the person accused me of never "giving", that she was always the one who had to "give". Actually, I thought it was the other way around because she was always the person who was telling me HER problems and asking me for advice that she never took. Some friendships can be just exhausting!
Currently, I am in a friendship/relationship which as far as I know now, benefits the other person more than it benefits me. I say this unabashedly because we all know what this is like, we just don't talk about it. I say "as far as I know now" because as these persons float in and out of your life, you sometimes can see with 20/20 hindsight how the relationship DID benefit you when it was a part of your life but when you're in the throes of it, it's hard to figure that out.
My "friend without benefits" relationship is a difficult trail to climb. I provide certain things for her, but she does not provide what I need in a friendship, because she can't. She is my age, yet has lived her whole life without ever learning how to view things from someone else's perspective. In this "arrangement" we have, it's all about her and what she needs from me - and I gotta tell you, when I understand the terms and abide by them, we get along fine. When I don't play by her rules then she gets upset, she pouts, and she becomes offended. I'm sure that as you read this you are asking, why are you in a relationship such as this?
Sometimes it's not about us either. Sometimes we do it because we just do it, because you just do what you've been called to do. You love and you try to meet needs, but you must have an understanding of the reciprocation issues in the friendship you are in or these people will cause you grief. I know that she's mad at me now over something that I didn't do that she thought I should have done for her. And she'll get maybe get over it. But in the meantime, I can't lose sleep about it - another person's choices/decisions are theirs alone, as are the consequences.
Next up: Men and Women's Friendships
Sunday, January 25, 2015
This writing on Sundays is getting to be a habit. Maybe. Three weeks in a row doesn't a habit make, I'm told, but we'll go with it anyway.
This past week I've been grieving with a friend for the loss of two lives from her family in the course of a few hours of one day. I haven't been with her physically as she is not accepting visitors right now, but my thoughts and prayers have sure been with her and her family. I don't know how this translates into comfort for her, but my ardent wish and hope is that the Holy Spirit is wrapping her up in all of our love and care and that she is touched beyond what she could experience on a purely human level - it is Divine Comfort. There's a hymn that has that term in the first verse:
This past week I've been grieving with a friend for the loss of two lives from her family in the course of a few hours of one day. I haven't been with her physically as she is not accepting visitors right now, but my thoughts and prayers have sure been with her and her family. I don't know how this translates into comfort for her, but my ardent wish and hope is that the Holy Spirit is wrapping her up in all of our love and care and that she is touched beyond what she could experience on a purely human level - it is Divine Comfort. There's a hymn that has that term in the first verse:
- All the way my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.
-Fanny Crosby
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Sunday Morning
Sundays are busy days for us, so I enjoy beginning with some quiet time (and coffee of course). I teach a Sunday School class of women and normally, we have about 10 on a good day. The last three Sundays I've seen a little mini-explosion of attendees and now, we're up to maybe 15-16. As I prepare to teach the lesson, I am so aware of what a challenge this is. I explained last Sunday to the group that I expect that one of their responsibilities in this class is to listen to what is taught and make sure that it lines up with truth - truth that is presented from the Word. If they feel it doesn't, we have a problem and they need to say something to me or to our pastor. I expect them to listen with a discerning ear and to contribute their thoughts - they don't realize this but I learn far more from them than they will learn from me. Their discussion of our topics is so valuable - it is true what Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." So, I'm getting to know 6 new women who have all of a sudden decided to come to my room on a Sunday morning. One is from another class in our church, one is a city bus driver who was invited by a rider, and 4 are from a church across the way who unfortunately, has split.
Always my thought as I present the lesson is, how can I make this relevant? How is this applicable? What do I want my listeners to understand? Many many years ago when the husband was in seminary, he learned to outline and organize his notes for sermons. To this day, he begins his outline with the same statement (and up to just a few years ago, he hand wrote it): "I want my hearers to...."
This is applicable not only in a sermon/Sunday School class, but don't you think it's applicable whenever we need to communicate information to people? In my job I meet with parents and attempt to communicate information to them about their son or daughter. Always I try to keep in mind while I'm talking to them that they know their child better than I do, that most parents want to do the right thing for their child, and, parents always have the choice in any matter regarding their child. I want my hearers (the parents) to know that these values are a part of my practice as a school psychologist.
Lastly - the very best skill to develop is the art of listening. I want to really listen to parents as they talk to me about their concerns. Many times it involves drawing them out because they don't really trust me - they think I don't really know their kid - and not only that, they come with preconceived notions about things.
Listening and communicating clearly. Such an art form. And so sadly needed in this world.
Always my thought as I present the lesson is, how can I make this relevant? How is this applicable? What do I want my listeners to understand? Many many years ago when the husband was in seminary, he learned to outline and organize his notes for sermons. To this day, he begins his outline with the same statement (and up to just a few years ago, he hand wrote it): "I want my hearers to...."
This is applicable not only in a sermon/Sunday School class, but don't you think it's applicable whenever we need to communicate information to people? In my job I meet with parents and attempt to communicate information to them about their son or daughter. Always I try to keep in mind while I'm talking to them that they know their child better than I do, that most parents want to do the right thing for their child, and, parents always have the choice in any matter regarding their child. I want my hearers (the parents) to know that these values are a part of my practice as a school psychologist.
Lastly - the very best skill to develop is the art of listening. I want to really listen to parents as they talk to me about their concerns. Many times it involves drawing them out because they don't really trust me - they think I don't really know their kid - and not only that, they come with preconceived notions about things.
Listening and communicating clearly. Such an art form. And so sadly needed in this world.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Good Morning
It's a cold cold January day. We've had some snow on top of freezing mist early this morning and now people are skating to work, sliding off of entrance ramps and knocking into each other. I'm going to hang back and wait for everyone else to get to work, then I'll go. I'm sitting here at my little dining table drinking coffee and watching the sunrise - the colors are amazing. I should mention that I can only see just a little square of it through the school buildings across the street, but that's ok. When you live in the middle of a city, you enjoy even small views of the majestic colors God uses to paint us sunrises and sunsets.
When I was younger, three wishes wouldn't have been enough for me to change everything about my life that I didn't like, but now I'm here to tell you that it's true that age is a great modifier of thought and attitude. I continue to live with certain things in life that I wish could be different, but now it's not an all consuming desire, it's more of an "it is what it is" thing (although that's one of the sayings I hate most). I think it's that you begin to figure out what's important, and, you begin to let the truth of Paul's writings in Philippians sink in.
"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:10-12
I have much to be grateful for. My old house has lots of problems, but it envelopes me with years of wonderful memories of family and friends, sitting in my too small dining room cramped for space. Laughter and bonding over board games and winter soup - these memories are priceless. My spouse and I, playing canasta and drinking hot tea at this table, my grandson eating french fries just last night as he sat in his booster seat - how blessed I am!
When I was younger, three wishes wouldn't have been enough for me to change everything about my life that I didn't like, but now I'm here to tell you that it's true that age is a great modifier of thought and attitude. I continue to live with certain things in life that I wish could be different, but now it's not an all consuming desire, it's more of an "it is what it is" thing (although that's one of the sayings I hate most). I think it's that you begin to figure out what's important, and, you begin to let the truth of Paul's writings in Philippians sink in.
"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:10-12
I have much to be grateful for. My old house has lots of problems, but it envelopes me with years of wonderful memories of family and friends, sitting in my too small dining room cramped for space. Laughter and bonding over board games and winter soup - these memories are priceless. My spouse and I, playing canasta and drinking hot tea at this table, my grandson eating french fries just last night as he sat in his booster seat - how blessed I am!
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