Mom

Thirty years ago this December, my mother went to heaven to be with Jesus.  I think about her a lot, even daily at times, in spite of the fact that this event happened in 1985.  She was stricken with a stroke in June of 1984 and appeared to be able to benefit from rehabilitation, however, another stroke occurred a few weeks later which caused so much damage that she never again would speak, walk, sit, eat, or take care of her own needs.  She communicated with eyegaze and at times could squeeze your hand, but this depended on the day.  A vivid memory I have is on a day that my sister was here to visit, and came to say goodbye.  As Linda walked out the door , mom turned her head to follow her, her brow furrowed, and tears flowed from her eyes.  I hadn't at that point seen her turn her head, but I had from time to time seen moisture on her face.  At times, she was so aware of people around her but so unable to communicate - however, I think in this instance, she willed herself to try to express what she was feeling.

So today, I woke up and thought of her.  I was already bemoaning the long day which stretched before me - I am here pretty much alone from early morning on - and I wasn't looking forward to it.  But then, thoughts of mom came to the surface.  For more than a year, she laid in a bed, totally dependent on others to help take care of her every need, even moistening her mouth with swabs because it became very dry and she was not able to swallow anything.  (The last food I saw her eat was some green beans from her garden I brought her in the hospital after her first stroke.  "These are good!", she told me.  I remember thinking I was so glad I brought them for her - she loved garden green beans.)  So from first stroke to her homegoing, it was a few days more than 18 months.  My dad faithfully visited her two and sometimes three times daily, and others visited as they could, so I would imagine that every day she had at least one person from the family and community who came to see her, however, I still think of her lying there, day after day after day, night after night going by slowly with no one around except for an occasional nursing staff member to check on her, every day just like the previous one, with no end in sight.  And here I am, a daughter of this mother who suffered so much, impatiently waiting at home for the ok to return to life as normal.  Mom never had that.

Mom, you are after all these years still teaching me, still giving me an example of faith, of hope, of perseverance, and of longing for heaven and all that awaits us.  Your daughter at 61 years of age is still learning from you, and what precious lessons they are!  How grateful I am to be your child, and that you raised me to be someone seeking to know God and to be a part of His family.  And now I can see that my own children are continuing in this faith, and participate in this legacy.  There is no greater joy for me.

"Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee.
Thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not.
As thou has been, thou forever wilt be.

Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning, new mercies I see!
All I have needed thy hands have provided,
Great is thy faithfulness!  Lord unto me."

-Words by Thomas Chisholm
-Music by William Runyan
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