Trains

Sitting in the chair, she drew the sweater around her and shivered.  It was late January by the calendar, and as she looked out of the window near her chair, the yard light cast a glow on new fallen snow.  Glancing at the clock she sighed as the time crept by ever so slowly.  It was one of those nights.  She had let the tears spill down and now, she waited for the blessed relief of sleep.  The only sound was the ticking of the clock on the wall, but every once in awhile a gust of wind swept around the corner and whistled as it danced along the old shingle siding. 

Nights like this stretched so intermittably long.  Her thoughts drifted, as they did so often, to what her life was like before, and now.  Now, Papa was gone.  An old man full of years, yes, and those years were spent in her care.  Papa was her responsibility - one that she cherished and took upon herself without hardly a second thought.  She had opportunity to marry any of a number of promising young men when she was in her 20's and 30's and some not so young who sought her out as she grew older.  But, no, that kind of life - the one her sisters and friends found so effortlessly, was not to be her choice.  She knew early on her life was with Papa, and in providing for him - and provide she did.  But now, well, Papa took a final breath, and went home last month, leaving her in an empty house with memories, and pictures, and the cadence of the trains as they rumbled over the tracks and clattered into the night.

She still listened for his footsteps on the floorboards and the creak of his mattress as he turned in bed.  Those sounds  were not to be - but several hundred yards away - the trains came and went, all hours, all through the night.  They ran on a schedule, whistling long and loud as they passed the crossing near her old home. Like beacons in the night - the westbound locomotives headed toward the California coast and the eastbound freighters chugged toward Kansas City and Chicago - each one manned by an engineer, whose job was to blow the whistle as the train went through the crossing. 

40 or 50 trains a day clipping by become an accompaniment to the gardening, the chicken house cleaning, the yard work, or the visiting on the porch. But often, Papa stopped his work to watch the trains roar by, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour as they pulled car after car loaded with wheat, oil, new automobiles, or coal. At night the sweet music of the fast clickity clack along the corridor was a reminder that business and life, proceed as usual through the midnight of sleep.

12:22am.  The discordant wail of a three note blast broke the silence.  He's a little late this evening, she thought.  The notes hung in the air.  The hand on the noisy whistle had rules to follow regarding when to begin to blow, how long to hold it open, and how many times to press the button as the train sped through the north end of the sleeping town.  The engineer peered out the window of the locomotive and spotted a faint yellowish glow coming from the west window of the little brown house.  Someone's up late, he thought. 

She sat in the glow of the lamp, listening to the noise from the wheels and the whistle fade away, oddly comforted, somehow feeling as if an old friend had stopped by to visit and then left in a noisy hurry to get to another destination.  Getting up from her chair, she turned out the lamp and wearily climbed into the wrought iron framed bed.  Pulling the heavy quilt up to her chin, she listened for the trains' songs.  As the melodies echoed through the night, they wrapped her in peace, and she slept, dreaming of a life past.        



 

I'm a basket case

I'm so sad that I have this blog, and that I cannot seem to think about writing in it.  I enjoy writing, I like trying to express my thoughts with words, yet, the discipline of doing this eludes me.  I do not understand why I have such difficulty with this, yet, it is something I cannot give up on.  There's so much about my life that I'd like to be different  - yes, I may have a calm exterior, but inwardly, I am so in a turmoil about things.

It's my birthday today.  Actually, I see that it's 12:27 am November 19th, so it was my birthday yesterday.  I had a GREAT DAY.  I had lunch with my kids, Reb and I got our hair done, I took a nap, I took the afternoon off work, and we had dinner at Spears with my extended family.  I love love love family time together.

I need to head to bed as tomorrow Jay and I are visiting Jane and taking Rebekah with us.  In the evening the spouse and I are headed to the symphony concert, as we got some free tickets.  I am so blessed- and so confused! 

Comments a la carte

Beautiful weather!  We enjoyed a hot dog roast, croquet, and visiting over at my brother's this evening.  I saw, for the first time in many years, a shooting star.  It was quick and over almost before it begun - if I would have blinked, I would have missed it. 

Today I ripped out all the garden plants that were struggling along.  I gave up - BUT, I'm thinking about planting a fall garden.  I've got bean and beet seeds - could it be that I could actually grow something now that the weather has moderated?  Hope springs eternal...  We're working on putting in two more boxes along the back fence.  I really like this "box garden bed" concept.  We have to clear out years of honeysuckle vine first, so it'll be awhile.

I'm reading "The Help".  I can't put it down!  Well I can, but it's difficult.  What a great book - I can't wait to see the movie. 

After a rousing chorus of the neighbor's three dogs barking for almost an hour today I'm this much closer to checking on getting a privacy fence put up.  Yes, they'll still bark at me, but I won't SEE them.  I think that'll help.  Please, God, make it stop.

Problems at church.  Problems at work.  Problems with family.  Problems all around.  What's the old adage - do what you can about the things you CAN control, everything else, let it go.  I need to be reminded of that every once in awhile.

I can usually work the sudoku puzzle all the way up to Thursday, most of the time I can get Friday's, and rarely, I can get Saturdays.  I usually try to work the Cryptoquip and the Jumble too.  Sometimes I wonder if that's the only reason I subscribe to the daily paper.  That and the comics.  Love Pickles, Zits, Sherman's Lagoon, and Non Sequitur.

Speaking of Non Sequitur, did you know that it's Latin for "it does not follow"?  In formal logic, it is an argument which its conclusion does not follow its premises.  For example:  in advertising - a commercial might state if you do not buy this brand of dog food, you do not love your dog.   Wiki goes on to give several other examples of different non sequiturs. 

It's late.  Time to get to bed, in order to, get up early, in order to, go to work tomorrow, in order to, come home, in order to, go to bed, in order to, get up early, in order to...  well, you get my drift.  Have a good week. 

A long two weeks

It has been a difficult, long, last two weeks. Briefly, there was a crisis which touched one of the schools I serve.  It was an incident of domestic violence where one of our first graders was shot to death, her 4th grade sister critically wounded, and her mother and grandmother wounded as well.  The little girl's funeral was yesterday, and although I did not go, it certainly was uppermost in my thoughts as I worked at school.
Events like this always cause me to reassess my worldview regarding good and evil, of what happens when you are in the wrong place at the wrong time, and who really is in control of what in this universe.  I am finding that really, when I'm called on to serve in a crisis, I can do that running purely on what I know my job is and what I have to do.  It's usually days later before I really begin to mull things over and process the horrific nature of what happened, and then begin to put it in proper persepctive in my mental filing cabinet.  PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) occurs when that system breaks down.  Sometimes people have to deal with trauma, tragedy, and things too indescribable to talk about - and I wonder if those who truly suffer from this disorder ever can regain a sense of normalacy about life. 

Rest in peace, Reimy.  I pray Dayonara recovers, and certainly for her mother and grandmother as well - the healing required to deal with this tragedy will be much more than just physical. 

Buddy

 
Buddy was a member of my friend Julie's family.  This is one of the last pictures taken of him, which she posted on facebook.  She titled it:  "You walked through my heart and right into heaven...I love you my Buddy!  PS:  I bet you're already catching birds and bunnies:) "  Julie and her family made the very difficult decision to ask a vet to come to their house and administer a shot to this beautiful dog.  He was old for a lab, and had some serious, chronic, health problems which were growing worse by the day.  He was a trained therapy dog, and Julie brought him to Kensler the first two years I worked there, however, the third year, he retired as he was just not feeling well enough to stay all day and do his job.  But he LOVED working, and when she walked in with him in the mornings, he bounded through the halls, ready to be of assistance to children who needed some unconditional love that day.  When his collar and harness were on, he was one of the most obedient dogs I've ever known.  He was well trained, and oftentimes, a look or a snap of Julie's fingers would bring him into willing compliance. 
 
I gained information about therapy dogs - how they are trained to leave food they find on the floor and in fact, do not sniff toward plates or tables, how they are tolerant of hugs and kisses and "mauling" by kids, and of how they with one word stop, heel, stay, sit, lie down, or walk.  But really, the one thing about Buddy - he was trained to not show pain.  So although he lived with chronic pain issues, he did not complain or whine.  Julie said that therapy dogs especially those who are labs, will wear their bodies out, but their hearts keep beating, they keep hanging on, they never give up.   So many times, they need some assistance to take that final journey. 
 
I looked at the other two pictures of Buddy Julie took today and posted, one of which is below.  His face is so full of expression, but there is a tiredness in his eyes.  I cried as I thought about what Julie and her kids are going through - losing a beloved pet is so heart wrenching you sometimes wonder if it is worth the risk.  I thought of that very thing before adopting Lydia.  There's no right answer the same for everybody, but I have to say, I'm so glad I knew Buddy.  I'm glad I was privileged to work with him and to see him work.  He will be greatly missed!
 
 

 

Blah and More

I've been feeling a little, well, I don't know the proper term, but perhaps "blah" describes it.  I sat down here late tonight to try to write about what's going on, but words fail me.  So when words fail, what's the next best thing?  I don't know for sure - after all, this is a BLOG, and blogs imply written material will be available for your perusal.

Went back to work this week.  I usually don't mind that too much - I like the structure and routine of a work day.  Started on some increased meds for the diabetes and I'm having a few side effects - but nothing terribly major, just inconvenient.  My kids are going through various and sundry difficult times, but so are a lot of people.  Nothing unique there - just sort of heartbreaking but I'm not the first mom to experience that.  I think of those families who lost loved ones this last week in the war - oh my - the devastation that moms and dads, husbands and wives, children, brothers and sisters go through when a loved one gives his or her life military service - I can't imagine.  A few days ago, 30 American soldiers died when their helicopter was fired upon by insurgents. 

So I can count my blessings and come out "in the black" - I always do no matter what has happened.  A certain weariness comes over me though.  Don't know what it is or how to deal with it.  Don't know that it's even that important that I do.  It's really not about me and I was reminded of that in a big way these last few days.  Every once in awhile, we need something to happen to us to help us re-focus on priorities - and we should be grateful when that comes about, painful though it may be. 

Have a good week. 

Reunion Observations

We just got back from a few days in Kentucky, where we shared a resort with other family members we don't get to see very often.  The weather was hot, the accomodations were so-so, but the time together was memorable.

Because the weather was hot, we weren't able to gather outside in groups to chat, so other than the hello hug and goodbye hug, I wasn't able to really visit with some the way I would have liked, and I missed that.  For example, my oldest brother lives in Michigan and the next oldest lives in Texas, so I may see them twice a year, but generally speaking, it's once a year or less.  At this reunion however, I would imagine I didn't chat with either one more than 15 minutes.  Other relatives attending probably got less than that.  I feel badly but am not sure what could have been done differently.

Our extended family has always been cohesive, strong, and supportive but this reunion was a little bumpier than some.  Some misunderstandings were apparent, some things were said, other things were NOT said, and overall, I walked away with an unsettled feeling.  I don't like conflict, but I can tell you that I learned a lot.  You know, we get comfortable viewing life through our perspective and in doing so, this comfort may trick us into the trap of thinking that others see things the same way we do.  The truth of the matter is, we are a widely diverse group who comes together once a year simply because we are connected to the Plank family in some way.  We are 6 siblings who share a biological and historical tie, and we bring with us our spouses, our children and their spouses and children, who, someday, will be gathering for their OWN reunions with their own children and grandchildren.  These are family ties which go back to my parents - John and Estella Plank - and soon, there will be more people in my extended family who never knew my parents than people who did know them.   


So, what this old dog learned from meeting with my extended family for these three somewhat troublesome days is this:  Don't ever take other people's perspectives for granted.  Don't ever assume that you know how someone else feels about something.  Learn what's important and what isn't and let go what isn't.  Learn to appreciate the diversity we have.

Facebook

I've been wanting to write a post about Facebook for several weeks now, and finally have decided, I just need to do it.  I am a relatively new facebooker, having been doing it now for only 2 or 3 years, as opposed to my kids, who have been facebooking almost all their adult lives. 

My husband had a Facebook less than a month before he in frustration, deleted it forever.  He said he could not deal with first of all, people wanting to be his FB friend, when in real life, they hadn't spoken to him in years, and if for some reason, they would have spoken to him, it would be a short conversation and once you catch up, that's it.  Secondly, he had no defense against the "minutia" of information people posted, and found it  hard to understand why they thought he would be interested in knowing that they took their dog to the vet, went to the store, trimmed their toenails, or killed a spider in their house.  He was assaulted with posts from games people were playing and although he blocked them, found it was an ongoing battle he just didn't want to fight.  Thirdly, he rarely statused because, well, he's just sort of a private person.  He doesn't feel the need to tell people he found a good deal on toilet paper or had a flat tire, or threw up his lunch, or whatever.

In so many ways, Facebook has had a gigantic impact on our personal lives, and in our culture.  We post our political and religious opinions, we share articles and videos we find interesting, we comment on others' posts, and we basically, open our lives to those we choose to be friends with, whether they are truly "friends" or not.  My social world has expanded - I am familiar with friends other people are friends with just because of the comments they make on mutual friends' walls.  From today's posts, I know that:  Robert likes "Facing the Giants" movie, that Charles has friended two people I don't know, that my son Dan wants tacos for lunch, that my niece is seeing a 1:00 show, that a school friend is garage saling today and another friend is scrapbooking.  That's just from this morning and I only have a moderate amount of friends.  Our family uses Facebook to send messages and invitations, and, we have a reunion facebook page set up where information is posted that is beneficial to all who are coming.  Overall, I don't object to that, and in fact, I have invited those statuses to be a part of my life because I have ageed to have a Facebook account. 

What's not to like?  Well, here's something that knocks me for a loop from time to time:  A status or opinion which is posted, and which quickly turns into a spirited discussion, which quickly turns into people misunderstanding what someone has posted, which quickly turns into people arguing with each other, and from there, we have people verbally assaulting one another.  I've participated in many civil discussions on facebook, and some not so civil.  Participants are much more likely to respond quickly by typing and in doing so, will write things they might not normally say face to face.  I think people are much more careful about what they say and how they say it when they are actually looking at another human being in the room, however, this is changing rapidly.  People are now living Facebook real lives, and I'll explain more in the next post.  

In the meantime, I solict your opinons - how do you feel Facebook has benefited our lives in a postive way, and how has it negatively impacted you, or society as a whole?

Friends

Today I went out to get the birdfeeders and fill the birdbath.  As I reached to put the one back that hangs in a tree, a little sparrow fluttered within a couple of feet of my arm, as if to say, come on!  We've been starving for days now!  Although this "hobby" can be expensive, I have a budget - otherwise, I'd fill them every couple of days and my WalMart bill would be much larger.  I enjoy doing this - I like seeing the different kinds of birds that come.  Mostly they are common ordinary sparrows and finches, but every once in awhile, I'll see a bluejay, mourning doves, or an orangeish sort of bird I can't identify. 

My lovely daughter in law has this bird feeding thing down to a science.  She made her own squirrel-proof pole, set it in her yard, and from it, hangs several feeders, all of which frustrate the squirrels that live there.  She saw a problem, she came up with a solution, and she implemented it - Why do I think this is a trait sorely missed in our politicians today....  But alas, I digress.

My bird friends like me because I feed them - and they hang around for that reason.  Real friends - now that takes effort to accomplish.  I had lunch with a friend yesterday, and after a mixup about waiting for each other (we were both seated in the same restaurant waiting for each other and never saw one another until I texted her and said, "Where U at?"), we had a nice lunch and took up 2 hours sitting there there chatting.  I treasure these friendships, both of the bird and people variety.

How can I write about friends and not include the one who follows me around all day, even if I'm in the house and walking from room to room, who costs me vet trips and allergy shots, and, who provides companionship, who is a walking partner when it's not hot, and makes me laugh - oh yeah, that's Lydia, my friend of canine persuasion.  

I'm also blessed to call my adult kids and their spouses "friends" in some sense, and my siblings - well I know that if I ever needed anything, these friends would instantly help. 

I'm happy to tell you though, that my spouse is really my best friend.  From feathered, to furry to human - I am blessed.

Summer of 1980 Remembrances

So, how's it going?  I hope the few of you who read this blog are doing ok, even in the extreme heat we are "enjoying" here in S Central Kansas.  Some are comparing this summer to that of 1980 - here's some info about it: 
Sweltering heat took a long, unwelcome vacation in Kansas during the summer of 1980. The blistering heat arrived with a vengeance on June 24th when the mercury soared to 103 degrees. Afternoon high temperatures broke the 100-degree barrier each day for the rest of the month, culminating in a monthly high of 110 degrees on the 30th. The nighttime provided very little in the way of relief as lows in the mid to upper 70s were prevalent during that one-week span. Little did anyone realize that the atmosphere was just getting "warmed up". During July, the heat wave hit full throttle when high temperatures cleared the 100-degree hurdle a staggering 24 out of 31 days, including an eighteen day stretch from the 3rd to the 20th. The 4th was, quite literally, hotter than a firecracker, when another 110-degree reading was achieved. The record heat reached a pinnacle on the 12th, when Wichitans baked in 112-degree temperatures.  It appeared that the heat wave was losing its grip, when a cold front crossing the region on July 21st caused temperatures to "nosedive" back into the mid 90s with overnight lows dropping to near 60 degrees. Not so, as temperatures shot right back up into the 105-110 degree range from the 28th to the 21st. The heat wave that wouldn't die was entering its third month. The record heat didn't break stride as August took the baton and raced to a high of 110 degrees on the 1st. In fact, 11 of the first 13 days of August would see triple-digit highs. It was on the 14th that "the sizzling Summer of 1980" began to east its grip on Kansas, as temperatures settled back into more seasonal levels. However, it was too late, as 20 record high temperatures were set between June 24th and August 13th, all of which stand to this day. During the months of June and July, Wichita's Mid-Continent Airport only received 1.81 inches of rainfall, 0.47 inches of that was in July.


We had moved here from Ft Worth on July 1, with our firstborn baby daughter, who was born in April of that year.  We had a nice apartment with some AC, but it was upstairs and it wasn't able to stay cool.  The word "misery" comes to mind as I remember that summer.  We had help to unpack our truck and haul all of our stuff up a flight of stairs and into our new home - but I recall lots of sweat and effort from those older people in our congregation who came to help us out.  Oh, it was something else! 

Judgment in Word and Picture

I'm the first to admit that I'm a person who finds humor in people watching.  I think people are generally funny and I enjoy observing others in humorous situations.  Ask my youngest son - as he grew up, we shared a lot of "Look at that guy!" moments.  One memorable "look at that guy" moment occurred as I was driving past the Broadway and Pawnee WalMart one day with him in the car and we saw a man walking north on Broadway clad in nothing but a pair of "tighty whiteys".   "LOOK at that guy!!" we both screeched as we went past him. 

 I'm also somewhat of a wordsmith, and, I've been told by some that I have a "dry" sense of humor - I actually looked that up on the "internets" because I wasn't sure what it meant.  I love the humor in the writings of Dave Barry, Garrison Keillor, and others.  I poke fun of people, and I expect it back - with 4 brothers, a sister, 3 kids, and numerous nieces and nephews, all who have advanced funny bones of their own, I can't help but be the end of someone's witty observations.  So I'm ok with that sort of thing.  However, a couple of things occurred recently which help bring me back to the reality that there is a line that should not be crossed.  In our extended family, we sort of know what that line is - we can zing someone but do it respectfully - and, speaking for myself, I may have gotten out of hand a time or two or three - and I do regret when that happens. 

You may be aware that there is a website up and running called "People of Riverfest" - similar to the "People of WalMart" website.  Someone walked around with a camera and took pictures of people at the River Festival which just concluded here in Wichita.  In some pictures the people looked like they were aware they were getting their pictures taken, and were posing, and other pictures were taken more stealthily, with people not aware their images were being captured.  I have been looking at this website the past several days, amazed and aghast at what people wear in public (or don't wear, as the case may be), and have found humor in "Look at that guy!" shots of people who you really wonder if they knew they looked like that before they left the house.  The captions accompanying the photos are sarcastic judgments about the person featured, and yes, I think some people dress like that for attention and to get noticed, ha ha.  However, I was brought up short by a photo - it's of a woman I know.  She is pictured with a caption which implies that she's not too bright in the way she talks.  I found myself oddly offended by this - that someone took it upon themselves to take her picture, then judge her based on what she looked like.  The difference is - I know her.  I've known her for years.  She's a nice person.  She is "needy" but she would not harm anyone, and she just lives life on her terms.  For that, she gets her picture on the internet with a sleazy caption and people commenting about her.  I don't know how I feel about that.  I think there's a hairline difference between posting pictures of and noting people who obviously want attention with how they are dressed (i.e., the two guys wearing nothing but Speedos, or, the woman wearing what looks like a shower curtain, or the drag queens), and posting pictures of people who are "different" but not attention seeking.  I dunno. 

And, in the other situation I found myself in, a person of the younger generation used this phrase "that's so gay" to comment on my son's facebook status this last week.  This person meant, as young people these days mean when they use this term, that my son was nerdy or stupid, or whatever, not necessarily "gay" because of his personal like for a certain kind of music.  You may be aware that that phrase "that's so gay" is commonly used today by mostly kids, teens and twenties, to describe something or somebody in derisive terms, much the same way we used to call people "squares".  I took exception to this person saying that, not because I was offended that she said he was gay, but I was offended that she applied that term to him in a derisive way - she meant that his choice of music was stupid.  A long facebook discussion ensued, with other people jumping in on the topic.  When all was said and done, I hope a couple of kids were enlightened by the offensiveness of this comment.  If I hear a kid say this at school, I call them on it. 

So once again, I am reminded to watch what I say, and temper that sarcastic humor just a bit.  Those people that are being made fun of on websites such as peopleofriverfest.com are somebody's mother, daughter, son, or father.  They are real people, with real feelings - and yes, some crave the attention and like the publicity - others don't deserve the judgment that comes when people make fun of the way they look, dress, or speak. 



   

Is it getting old in here?

For those of you who follow my brother's blog, we smiled at his adventure at WalMart not too many days ago, as he dealt with his "stolen" pickup.  Here is a link to that blog entry in case you're interested.   

http://hubblefan.blogspot.com/

There's no doubt we're getting older.  I now have a WalMart story of my own.  It's not as spectacular as his, but it addresses the same problem - what happens when older people like myself, do things out of the ordinary routine?  Trouble!   That's what happens! 

So, my car was past an oil change.  I zipped into the West Kellogg WalMart to see if they could change it for me.  It'll be an hour and a half, the man said.  I agreed, as I had no pressing engagements, and needed to do some shopping anyway.  I got a cart and off I went.  About 45 minutes later, I was done except for some frozen groceries, so I headed over to the Subway, parked my cart, and got out a book I was buying to read (it's called "The Christian Atheist" in case you're interested).  Soon I was engrossed, but kept an eye on the shopping cart to make sure no one decided it was abandoned and rolled it to customer service.  Time passed quickly.  With about 10 minutes to go before the car was ready, I got my cart, went to frozen foods, got my veggies, then got in line to pay.  I had about half of my groceries on the conveyor belt when I looked at the child's seat I usually put my purse on, and.... no purse.  I'm telling you, there is nothing like the sinking feeling you get when your purse is gone.  It is pure panic.  Immediately I began looking, searching (visually) other shoppers standing in line.  I screeched at the cashier, "My purse is GONE!"  She notifed the CSM.  I had my cell in my pocket so I called my husband, and asked him to come as I had no way to pay for this 100.00 in groceries, bawling on the phone.  The CSM arrived, and with her, 2 people from Loss Prevention, (by the way, they look like ordinary shoppers, dressed in t shirts and shorts).  I described it, and they started looking.  The CSM told me to call 911 immediately so that if my card was used in the store, the bank could confirm it wasn't me.  I picked up my cell again, and had no bars, so I walked over toward the Subway to call.  Just as I dialed 911, my eyes drifted to the Subway, and.....  spotted my purse in the exact same spot I was sitting at 20 minutes ago reading my book. 

Screeching, I made a beeline for it, hanging up on 911 (who immediately called me back and asked if I needed help).  It was zipped shut and in perfect condition.  I showed it to the cashier, and by that time, the LP people had already isolated the video tape of me checking out.  She said, we see the purse in your shopping cart, but the next frame shows it's not.  I told her that I thought I'd left it in the Subway when I was there earlier, and she wasn't so sure, as she says it is visible on the tape. 

At any rate, all is right with the world.  My purse was unattended in that Subway for 20 minutes or more, and I never even missed it as I finished my shopping. 

Here's the best part:  After the whole thing was over, and I was feeling very relieved, I realized I needed to use the restroom, so I parked the cart and went into the nearest restroom (with my purse on my shoulder).  As I sat in the stall, I wondered why there were only two stalls - "I thought the women's room had at least 6", I said to myself.  I finished up, then as I turned to what I thought were sinks when I hurriedly came in, I realized they were indeed, yes, they were urinals.  For about 3 seconds I was aghast at what I had done, then calmly walked out, not caring - hey - I had my purse!  Things were great! 

Catching Up

Finally, the wind which has battered and beaten everything in its path the last two days has died down and today, May 31, 2011, has dawned sunny with just a little breeze.  My little digital camera I purchased at WalMart a couple of years ago was a victim of my carelessness and yesterday's wind.  I left it in the swing at my brother's house and the wind blew so hard it blew the cushion it was on up from the swing seat, which threw my camera onto the ground.  There's a couple of cracks in it, and although we tried to get it to come on, it is done for.  I LOVED that camera, and I will need to replace it with one like it if I can find one.

Another Memorial Day has come and gone.  Although I was raised to be more of a pacifist, I am so grateful for those who have given their lives for this nation and my home - so that I have the right to hold and speak whatever viewpoints I choose.  I love hearing the stories of veterans, particularly, those of WWII.  I posted on facebook this video of a 93 year old man Larry Hatteberg interviewed for "Hatteberg's People".  If you haven't watched this, I would encourage you to do so.

http://www.kake.com/hattebergpeople/headlines/Hattebergs_People_-_Pastor_H_O_Lindeblad_122809924.html

Notice what this man learned to do at age 91. 

Back to Memorial Day, my young niece and nephew enjoyed wading in the Little Ark river, and, very much enjoyed playing in the mud pit their Uncle Kevin fixed for them.  After baths, they were almost as good as new.  If I can get the pictures off of my memory card from my broken camera, I will try to post some on here and on facebook.  We went to the cemetery the day before, but it was so very windy and hot that it was not conducive for visiting.  We ran into a relative I hadn't seen in awhile, and I was sorry we weren't able to stay longer. 

I also wanted to mention that my daughter-in-law's parents were here over the weekend.  Her mother is an landscaper extraordinaire, and they brought all kinds of plans and plants for my son and DIL's home.  She is what I would consider an "adventurous" landscaper.  She plants things that look really neat, but it takes a brave person to do that and not worry about killing everything.  I'm not a landscaper, and just mow my yard, but, I have experienced good success with my raised garden beds.  I have 2 larger ones, then a smaller one for tomatoes and peppers.  I LOVE it.  I have harvested lettuce, which is done now, and so far, one "vidalia" onion which was planted from an onion set I planted last spring.  As I explained on facebook, it's not a true Vidalia onion, as they only grow in Vidalia County Georgia - and, the one I used in a salad yesterday was kinda spicy!  My potatoes are huge, and peas are blooming.  Beets are up, radishes are up, and green beans are doing well.  If you are thinking about a raised bed, get some good dirt!  I have a recommendation I can give you. 

Today I'm having lunch with Rebekah and getting my hair cut etc.  I love not working at school for awhile, but it seems my days fill up with other stuff pretty quickly.  I have a lot I need to accomplish in the next two months.  I'll keep ya posted. 

Words of hope

This is a chilly, overcast, drizzly, windy Sunday morning.  I am sitting here at the computer, and from my vantage point, I can look out the front window and see a red-headed finch picking up sunflower seeds from my hanging feeder.  He is a spot of sunshine in an otherwise gloomy day.  I am listening to John Michael Talbot's "Pathways of the Shepherd", and this instrumental music brings me peace. 

I take comfort in the fact that my Heavenly Father sees me, as surely as He sees the finch outside.  His presence is here - and it is a reassuring comforting Presence.  Although circumstances in several areas of my life are far from peaceable and pleasant, I rest.  Tears of relief come.  

Truly, the Lord is my Shepherd, and I shall not want.  The words of this familiar Psalm echo in my mind, and center themselves in my heart, in my very being.  I rest in the knowledge that I am never far from His thoughts, I am never away from His Spirit.  I am not ever abandoned or forsaken.  I am weary, but not discouraged.  I am saddened, but not in despair.  I am sheltered and loved. 

I hope whatever you are going through that you find hope in the Shepherd's Presence.  May you feel His comforting embrace as His arms encircle you.  May He bring you healing from the hurts and wounds of life.  Allow Him to annoint you with oil, and fill you to overflowing.  God bless you in your journey to wholeness.  It's worth it. 

Carry On

I'm feeling a little sad this evening.  It seems that there's a lot going on in my life, and most of it is because I never thought I'd be in some of the situations I'm in, dealing with some of issues that have presented themselves to me.  I feel like withdrawing and just wrapping myself in a covering of some sort so that I am immune or impervious to slings, arrows, and thrown stones.  Wouldn't THAT be a great idea?  If we could walk around like turtles with shells -we wouldn't get ourselves into messes, (unless we ended up on our backs with our legs flailing around in the air), and, we wouldn't be hurt by what life sometimes brings.  Conversely, we wouldn't hurt others with our actions or words if we could just stay in our shells and complete life's minimal requirements, such as bill paying and working for a living.

I sometimes just get weary trying to stay afloat and on course, trying not to crash into hidden rocks.  I realize part of this feeling has to do with the fact that there's only a few weeks of school left, and this is my absolute busiest time of the year.  But, I also am struggling with more personal things particularly in relationships.  When friendships change, when things you thought were sure aren't, when others misunderstand intentions, and when you can't describe or explain how you feel - then a restless, something's off-kilter, something's amiss feeling comes to take up residence.  How does one cope? 




   

Music Speaks

So, I've been learning a new piece on the piano.  It's called "Solace" or "Solace Rag" by Scott Joplin.  It's not really a rag like you might think, it's slower, deliberate, and full of expression when played properly.  I heard this piece played in Century II Concert Hall by a pianist who was featured with the symphony that evening.  After a stellar performance of playing technically challenging pieces, for his encore, he sat at the piano, alone, and simply played "Solace".  I, along with the rest of the audience, was mesmerized by the beauty of this composition and said to myself that evening, "You will learn to play that!"

Forward several weeks.  My son purchased "Solace" online and as I sat at HIS piano one day and plunked it out I discovered that although it may not be extremely difficult to master the technical aspects, what will be difficult will be playing it with feeling and passion in order to evoke an emotional response in myself, and in my audience, should I play it for anyone else.

Daniel gave me the music, so while I practice these notes, I imagine the composer - Scott Joplin - and what might have inspired him to write this simple but beautiful music, which inspires wistfulness, solitude, and a melancholy feeling of yesterdays.  This music, as well as Chopin Preludes and Bach Inventions, and even more modern compositions bring me to a state of lowered blood pressure and a different perspective - it uses a different area of the brain than I've used all day, and it is heaven on earth for a little bit.  I hope you too can find that place where you can obtain peace of mind and a healing of your spirit.  The work day batters and tears, but a place of rest restores.  God will meet you there, and He promises to renew your strength  for yet another day.   

Wishes

My wish list, which includes world peace and a chicken in every pot, has been growing recently. Five new additions include the following:
1. A shoe store which carries ONLY wide and double wide shoes. In lots of different styles and colors. And shoes that are cute - not old lady shoes.
2. I need a purse I don't hate. I don't exactly hate my purse, but I'm not fond of it either. It's sorta like an ugly beater car you drive because you have to have transportation.
3. I ardently wish our school district did not have to cut another 15 million out of the budget for next year. The cuts in "phase two" will impact classrooms, support services, and programs. "Phase three" cuts will be even more devastating.
4. Senator Oletha Faust-Goudeau can speed all she wants to. She doesn't have the right to get by with it because she's a senator, because she has a "challenge coin" from Norman Williams, or because she thinks she's being racially profiled. She needs to suck it up and pay her tickets and quit trying to make excuses for her behavior. My wish for her is that she would conduct her personal life more responsibly and with integrity. She also has problems with code violations in housing she owns, but hey, she's a senator! She's busy!
5. I wish young boys and men, from say age 13 to age 40, would pull their pants up. I am in no mood ever to see any sort of underwear on a person, and don't they realize that if they didn't sag, they could actually take normal steps? It's so STUPID! Pull your pants UP! As I said to one gangbanger, "Pull your pants up. Does your mother know you sag like that???" He looked at me as if i were speaking a foreign language. Along with that, I wish larger women would wear bras and moderately longer shorts. I'm tired of seeing tattooes, flab, sag, and fat on people who shouldn't wear tanktops and short shorts. Blech.

Laura Story - Blessings

Changes

I've been thinking the last several weeks about making changes to my blog. Tonight I kinda looked around at the templates and colors and just decided to go with something different. I have been frustrated the past year or so with this blogging situation, simply because I feel constrained by the title "Cool School Psychologist". I'm so much more than my job and there are a lot of things I would RATHER comment about, think about, and write about. Don't misunderstand, I love what I do, it's just not the sum total of my life. If I wrote about my job, or discussed more formal academic topics, then I wondered if it was boring to the folks who know me just as me. If I wrote more personally, and discussed my faith, my feelings, my love for my family, or even talked about where I live, I worried about those of you who subscribe to this blog purely for the professional ideas you might glean. A lot of my subscribers are those who are also in my job field - and I have no problem with that, but I'm MORE than my job. I thought when I was finishing up school that I would enjoy going to conferences, and one of these days, I'm going to make the national conference for school psychologists, but I gotta tell you, I am less enthusiastic about that now. I think it's because I have come the realization that like so many people in the work force, I am powerless, more or less, to change the way the district expects me to practice. I just do what they tell me to. I keep plugging along year after year - go to this meeting, attend this training, acquire this new binder with information it it - and that's ok, but I really have no way to try innovative things in my practice. I keep getting catalogs in the mail, but why? I don't order testing supplies and now with no budget funds, I especially don't expect any new test materials. I'm basically a person who is trained in this specific area, and I have developed expertise in this area, and I like almost everything about my job, but I don't create or define policy, I don't drive RTI implementation at any school I'm at (the psychologists reading this know what I'm talking about), and I just basically put my head down and plow through the work - somehow, the elephant they served me in the fall and told me to eat all of by May, gets eaten bite by bite. The rule is, you can only eat 1/4 of the elephant by Christmas, and from January to May, you eat 3/4. Lastly, I've felt uncomfortable in the last year blogging about specific situations at school. My job is absolutely fascinating, frustrating, and amazing, and I wish I could tell you about things I've seen, heard, and know. I wish I could be open and share, but this is a public blog on a public forum. I have too much respect for my job, my students, and my supervisors to really say what I feel like saying. When I've written about students on here, I've always disguised their identities - however - there is always a slight risk of discovery. My intentions have always been to promote the field of school psychology, and to lend a perspective to my readers that they may not always see - but, doing that not only with integrity but discreetly remains a challenge. So, I feel better now that I've changed things. Those of you who are looking for purely a professional discussion, and you want to quit following, hey, that's fine. I'm not looking to try to please everybody. I just want to share from my heart to yours.

Announcement

This blog is closed until further notice. Thank you.

No school AGAIN

Second day of no school. I'm always a little flustered by this, but believe me, I'm not complaining. It's just that meetings have to be rescheduled and now I'm going to feel even more behind. Next week we're out on Monday for MLK day, and Tuesday we have inservice. Those two days out I sorta planned for, but now - well, we'll have to see. Plus, in May, we get to go for an extra two days, so, bleh.

As usual, things remain challenging. I'm going to begin work with a child who has "silent seizures". I've not ever done that, so some research will be necessary. According to the child's relative, the physician has said that in this case, these seizures are very frequent and it is his belief that they have caused some cognitive damage. I feel for her and for the relative. I have another case of pretty severe autism which has been undiagnosed up to this time, and a couple of kids who just have several symptoms of several disorders. It's sometimes hard to figure out environmental factors in these cases.

I have several cases also at the private school in our area - they are coming up with more and more kids who need special ed assessment. Thankfully I have a good relationship with the administration over there and we can talk about some of these cases and try to figure things out. I just got done with the nicest kid over there - he's new to the school this year and was so delightful for me to get to know. "Larry" was the tall silent type until we talked about Arkansas Razorback football and hunting. That kid could write a manual about hunting duck or deer - it was really great to visit with a student who had a passion for something besides video games. Although I'm not a hunter and couldn't shoot any living thing, I loved how his eyes lit up when talking about shooting his first buck.

Well, it's off to spend time with my niece's kids today to give her a break. I can think about work stuff later!

Catching Up

I've not posted in a long time, and I've got a brother nagging me...so, here ya go. Just sort of an update on what's been going on.

I am enjoying a few days off for the "winter recess". Actually I started it 3 days earlier than my colleagues because I fractured a rib on Friday evening, Dec 17. Long story, but it began with a fall in a parking lot the Saturday before, and ended a week later with my dog playfully headbutting me on the floor and me experiencing great pain and agony on my right side, so bad I cried most of Saturday morning while waiting for someone to come and rescue me and take me to the MEC. You would think with the number of people in my family who carry their own personal communication devices known as "cell phones" with them, that I would have been able to find somebody in 2 hours to answer their phone. But that's a whole other post to write when I'm feeling curmudgeonly. My husband finally happened to come home for his lunch hour to find me and bundled me off to the doctor's office.

SO, I'm now almost 2 weeks recouperated, and every day gets a little better, but having constant pain in my side is my new "normal", so that's an adjustment. I'm off the highpowered drugs except at night, so yesterday, I resumed driving which was also good for me. I enjoyed shopping and lunch with my daughter today, and did quite a few errands, so I'm ready for some narcotic relief.

I'm kinda glad Christmas is over. I was disappointed in not being able to attend family and church functions that I wanted to - however, we had a grand time Christmas Day at Kevin's. I'm a person that kind of thrives on routine and when it's interrupted a LOT, I get out of my element. Does that sound like an old person or what! But the routine of work and daily activities really helps keep me sane I think. I love my summers off but I have to DO something in order to not just while away the hours in mindless pursuits for 60 days straight.

Even while I'm on this break I've thought of the things that await me. I check my work email every couple of days or so and consider what I'm going to do the first week of January. I wonder how my kids are - the ones that I go to bed thinking of. My prayer is that they are safe, warm, fed, and nurtured, somehow, someway. I know they can't wait for school to start again - you talk about safety in routine. For many of them, school is their safe place, their nurturing place, the place where they are fed and warmed.

School budget cuts loom in the future - Wichita has to cut 20 million dollars for next year, which was the last figure I heard. I'd like it to not be all about the money, but it is. If I were a senior living on a fixed income, I'd probably complain about my taxes too.

Not too long ago, Igave a tour of one of my schools to a cranky old man who wondered where all his tax dollars were going. I was heartened to see him step inside a public school and see what all we do - he now has a better idea of what's going on. I would encourage anyone who hasn't set foot in a public elementary school in a long time to do so. You will be amazed, and glad you did. Don't judge public education by what you see in the media. Go by and see for yourself.

November 30

It's almost the midpoint in the school year and so far, things have been busy and challenging. I am serving two public elementary schools, and a Catholic school that's near one of the schools I'm assigned to. Did you know that students who attend private schools are entitled to special education services if they are found eligible? They receive those services in a public school, so every day there's a bus that comes over and brings the parochial students. It's a challenge to work out schedules at times - when parents make the decision to send their children to private schools, it's usually for religious reasons - and so we work very hard to make sure they are able to get that religious instruction.

I'm seeing some students for counseling, and am working on a behavior plan for a student who has great emotional needs - she/he is living in a home environment that's detrimental to the student growing and maturing academically and emotionally - however, it's been determined that the situation is not severe enough to warrant involvment by our esteemed child protective services. You'll be seeing this kid's name in the paper in about 10 years.

It was cold and windy out yesterday and today. I did manage to take the dog for a walk when I got home but she was ready to come in after about 25 minutes and so was I. In the evenings I'm keeping busy reading and, I've recently re-taught myself to crochet - and, Rebekah, I AM getting your last tea towel done! Maybe by Christmas!

Christmas music is playing everywhere, and I've finally bought some new lights to go around the top of the house under the gutter. I need to get my son to help me put up the clips so we can string them up. I did look at LED lights - my - they are terribly expensive. I realize all the advantages but good grief - I can't spend 200.00 on Christmas lights. My youngest son and daughter in law have already got theirs up and are enjoying them. I could never get him to help me with lights when he lived at home, but see - this is what happens when you fall in love...

I recently celebrated a birthday - and I'm on the downhill slide to 60. I don't FEEL my age - I'm not quite ready for an assisted living center, but I'm telling you, when I think about retiring in 10 years, I can't believe life has gone by this fast. I'm so hoping I am in good health and can enjoy my work - and, most importantly, can continue to do my job well as I, um, "age". (Like cheese and fine wine? I'm not sure about that!)

Ren the Cat

A remarkable thing happened this week - and yes, I realize this is off-topic, but hey. It's my blog. I can post whatever I want to!

A friend of mine has a 20 year old, deaf, "Morris" cat named Ren. Ren went missing a week ago Saturday. She looked throughout the neighborhood for Ren, but in vain, and posted this sad news on her facebook page. A prayer was said that Ren might be united with his owner. Sunday went by. No Ren. Monday morning came - she told me that she still hadn't seen him, and feared the worst.

Monday evening I attended a Bible study in another friend's home. I mentioned after we were through with the lesson that my friend was missing Ren, and the other ladies promised to pray that he would be reunited with his family. One woman attending asked me where my friend lived, and I told her - and she realized that she lived not in the same neighborhood, but in the same general area and that she would look for him. Another woman said she lived a few blocks away from the first woman, and that she would also keep an eye out for Ren.

Tuesday. I emailed my friend and asked if she had a photo of Ren she could send me, and she did. I forwarded the photo to my two friends from Bible study so that they would know what he looked like. I forwarded that email about 4:30 on Tuesday afternoon.

If you've made it this far, the best is yet to come. Here's the interesting part: About 9:50 that evening, my friend checked her school email (something she does not do very often from home) and found the photo I had sent her. Ten minutes later, at about 10:00, her children arrived home, and stated that, yes, you guessed it, there was a CAT on the front porch. She looked out her glass door, and indeed, an orange tabby cat was just sitting there on her porch staring back at her. She immediately recognized him from the picture that she had just seen - yes, it was Ren. She called my friend and quickly, Ren was reunited with his loving owners. He was about 1.3 miles from home, and in order to get to my friend's front porch, had to cross a busy thoroughfare. Not only that, but there are literally dozens of houses in my friend's neighborhood. Dozens. There are houses across the street, next to her, on every lot, on every block. Dozens of homes with front porches.

Somehow, someway, Ren the cat ended up on THAT porch. Of THAT house. At THAT time of the evening. Right AFTER she got the email from me with his picture. AFTER I had mentioned it at Bible study. AFTER we had prayed that Ren would be found.

I tell this story and I am humbled and amazed by this obvious answer to prayer. Both Ren's "mom" and "dad" graciously thanked me for what I did to get Ren back home, but it wasn't me. It was nothing less than God, hearing our prayers, and gently picking up a 20 year old deaf cat, and placing him right on my friend's porch, where her children would see him as they came in the door late that night. It was God not only caring for this cat, but loving us through this act of His supernatural working.

I am a Christian, but I gotta say that in my experience, these situations do not happen very often. When they do, I am filled with gratitude and amazement. We serve a God who holds the universe together, and who listens to His children as they ask Him for what they need.

I am also the first to admit that I don't know how this works. I don't understand why some prayers are answered and some are not. I don't know why people suffer, I don't know why God doesn't heal those who ask Him, I don't know why He works in some situations and appears to ignore others, I have no answers. I don't know why bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. I have no speculation - I just flat don't understand it. But my faith is not diminished by these seemingly incongruent responses from God - instead, I marvel all the more at His perfect plans for His children. It isn't mine to understand - that's not my responsibility. If I could understand it, I'd be able to figure God out - and who can do that? Certainly not me and certainly not anyone that I know.

So Ren is safe, and God is honored in this situation. It was a blessing for me to see this unfold right before my very eyes and I pray that my spiritual eyes might glimpse a vision of how the Maker of the universe cares for His own. And for kitties. Dear readers, I hope you will find encouragement and that your faith will be strengthened by reading this story. Blessings to each of you this week.

October busyness

I told somebody the other day that this is the busiest October I think I've ever had. There's lots to do ALREADY and it just keeps coming. I went to an expulsion hearing last week which was quite interesting - I wish I could share details, but, alas, not a good idea. I will say that the student appeared to be pretty casual about the whole thing - I'm not sure she/he grasped the significance of what was happening, or if they did, they didn't care.

Behavior problems continue to be at the top of the page of things I deal with every day. Students these days really do not know how to be kind, courteous, and civil to one another and so, apparently, we have to teach them, but this is sometimes a losing battle. I had a young man in my office last week who had no problem telling me that I wasn't his boss and he didn't have to do what I told him to. He explained to me that I could just call security because he wasn't scared of anybody. He continually tried to engage me in conversation and was more than willing to let me know just what he was going to do or not do - and not only that, but he was telling ME what I could do. I did not reply to him, which frustrated him - and I wondered if he was going to pick up a chair and throw it at me. Did I mention that he's 7?

I've been working with another young student who lives with a single parent who is employed in a job you wouldn't want to tell your grandmother about. This young person has a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush, but is so needy for attention and for positive affirmation that she/he will do about anything for a look or a touch from an adult. And along the way, we've got to teach her/him to read. Did you realize that all students, yes, 100% of our students, have to meet state assessment standards by 2014? The bar is raised every year for reading, math, science and writing, until, by 2014, it will be at 100%. Let's see - 2014 - this kid will be in 5th grade. I wonder what he's gonna be like. Probably NOT passing state assessments, I would guess.

So anyhow, this next week is conferences which means late nights on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. After conferences we always get parent requests for evaluations - I truly have job security I think.

It's been beautiful weather and I've enjoyed every minute of this October. I went to the symphony concert this afternoon - that Gustav Mahler - I enjoyed hearing his Symphony #2 in C Minor - "Resurrection". Century II's rennovation is wonderful - the seats are actually comfortable with a nice amount of space between the rows. (I can say that because I'm not over 6 foot tall, trying to fold my frame like a grasshopper...)

Have a good week, all.

Who will win?

It's cool, cloudy, and finally, a nip of fall is in the air. I'm glad to see it - although I love warm weather, I'm not sure I could live in summer all the time as some parts of the world do. One of the things I've always loved about Kansas is that we have 4 distinct seasons here.

It was a difficult week, as I put my 55 year old brain power to work trying to work on a functional behavior assessment for a student who already, at the tender age of 10, doesn't seem to care about the choices she/he makes. This student has a lot of people who care (mainly at school), but I think environmental influences at home are going to get her/him. I spoke with a relative last week who does understand that the situation is gravely serious, but, who also tends to make excuses-and frankly, I might do some of that too if someone were speaking to me about my kid, but there's a host of help around if only this family would avail themselves of it. We'll see what happens this next week. Compared to what this kid finds exciting and an adventure, I'm sure 4th grade math and reading are not in the running for what captures her/his attention.

Family Relationships

Warning: personal reflections to follow, not necessarily job related. I know some people read this blog for school psychologist perspectives, and that's fine, but as with all of you, I'm more than my job. And that "more" sometimes presses for expression.

I'm thinking about things right now which have to do with relationships - both familial and friendship. I was having breakfast today with my daughter and her husband and my oldest son, and the topic turned to the value of relationships with siblings, parents, and with extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I don't think my son in law would mind me sharing this (if he does, it's too late...), but one of the things my daughter told him before they were married was that if he did not establish positive, warm, relationships with her family, all of her family, she would not continue in a relationship with him. She considered that to be a dealbreaker. I was surprised that she placed that sort of value on this group of 35 or 40 people we call family, but I was pleased that she valued that in her life and saw it as essential.

My husband has often spoken about the relationship he has with his brother, or perhaps doesn't have with his brother, and how he wishes it could be different. He views it as a situation that is not likely to change, both of them going to their graves with regrets. When my oldest son heard these comments, his comment was, "I do not want to live like that. I'm not doing that." He said it with such a look of determination and passion that we listening were silenced. Perhaps that's why he spends time cultivating a relationship with his sister and her husband and his "adopted" brother, Bob. He sees that, values it, respects it, and it has a place in his life.

When children grow up, roles and relationships change. It's sometimes difficult to find your way around when navigating relationships with adult offspring, and I'm still learning how to do that. But I'm glad that my kids have the model before them of family - of flawed people loving each other in spite of idiosyncrasies and diverse viewpoints of life. It's up them whether or not they will take that baton and run with it - and some seem to have already done that. I can only hope, for the sake of their generation and those that follow, that they will do so joyfully and with purpose. In 40 years or sooner, who knows, I won't be here. I won't leave a lot of material possessions and money to any of my kids. What I do leave them, however, is a heritage of faithfulness to the God who created them, and a love indescribable for family - for people that God picked to surround you with at birth. My children will not be able to take advantage of this heritage until they take a hold of it and begin to make it a part of their lives and it's a priority for them. As life goes forward, every Friday night that we eat together, every time Rebekah and Jason come over to play dominoes or cards, every time the cousins get together at Scott's house for games and fun, every time I drive to Hesston to visit Mervin and Wayne and Clara, every occasion we worship together, every time I drive out to Kevin's or Jay's or they stop in at my house, and also, I'm including those weekly or more often chats with my sister - all of those are building blocks, strongly and sturdily standing on the foundation of forever relationships - it's an amazing and humbling experience. Those brothers I don't see often because they live away - I know one phone call and they are here. There's nothing more valuable to me than that.

May my children and grandchildren yet to be born share in that same rich blessing of extended family. I want to be able to look down from heaven someday (if we can do that from there) and see a whole roomful of Planks, Basses, Simmonses and Elwells - spending time with one another, loving one another, and continuing to build on that foundation already laid for them. Trust me, all you family who read this, you won't regret it. I don't know of anyone who on their deathbed said, "You know, I wish I wouldn't have spent so much time with my sister. I wish I wouldn't have cultivated a relationship with my brother." Right? Amen!

What's wrong, what's right

It's been an interesting week. Already. I've done a little gang education with two 4th graders who were using gang signs during a math class - yes, that's right, 4th graders. I'm in the middle of evaluating a child, who, it has been discovered, English is her/his 3rd language. I would tell you the first two, but that's too much identifying information. Nevertheless, evaluating the academic progress and ability of a child who has not sufficient aquisition of English is certainly challenging. I met with a parent regarding her concerns for her child, recently diagnosed with Autism. And, I listened to a staff member who came in my office in tears about a difficult situation, again, with a parent. Did I mention I've been doing a functional behavior assessment with a student who has severe ADHD, however, is unmedicated and in my opnion, unparented? This child is alone after school, and spends time riding her/his bike in the neighborhood, and hangs around a friend who also is unparented, and together, they go to a nearby park to occupy their time as well as other places, unsupervised. Doesn't seem to bother either of them - and as long as they are home by 8, it's "no problem!" Did I mention it's dark at 8? Did I mention that they are 9 and 10?

That's one reason I like this job so much. Every day is different. Every day is a challenge. Every day is an opportunity to sharpen skills and try to make a difference in the life of somebody. Every day brings heartache, but also at times, joy. To balance all of the above, while I was driving to work this morning, I stopped behind a school bus and waited for kids to load up. I watched a dad waiting with his son at the bus stop. Dad hugged his boy, waited while he boarded the big bus, and, as the bus pulled away, waved to his son, who was waving at the bus window. Both had big smiles. The connection between father and son was evident. I know that kid had a good day - but, if for some reason he didn't, I know dad is there for him - and you can't buy that with all the money in the world. I love to see examples of good parenting. It uplifts me and helps me know that not all is wrong in the world, when often, that's all I do see during the day.

It's only been 2 months

I have needed to blog for the last several weeks, but every time I sit here, I cannot seem to get my thoughts together. Many times I feel that no one really cares what I think, or observe, or comment about. Other times I don't have words to describe what I'm feeling or what's important to me.

I know people check this blog frequently for postings and I appreciate that some of you hang in there with me with nothing appears for weeks and weeks. I know this is good therapy for me, and a good way to practice self-discipline - but if I were REALLY disciplined I'd be writing a journal on a Big Chief tablet with a fat pencil. (Remember those?) You could never tell this by looking at me or my house, but I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. You don't know how many times I don't write because I think it won't be good enough - and that's sort of the way I live my life. If I can't be "good", I don't want to attempt it at all. In the same way, my blogs never ever meet my standard of what's good enough. But, like any other vice, this twisted thinking can be mediated - however, the only mediation is actually performing the task.

There's a lot going on with my life that's right, and some that's not. I gain comfort from simple pleasures - and, like most of you, I struggle. Recently I've walked through the arboretum in Hesston and took some pictures. I'm not a good photographer by any means, but what a jewel of a place - and what a privilege to experience what feeds the soul.

Feeding the soul - taking care of the spirit - centering yourself - being quiet - listening for God's direction - being thankful - exercising the mind and body - writing in a blog - - why is this so hard, but yet so necessary?

My daughter and I went shoe shopping yesterday - and we laughed until our sides hurt. The poor man at the shoe store surely thought he had gone nuts but it seemed that we were able to turn a chore of drudgery into an opportunity to enjoy life, to make fun of ourselves, and to bring bemused forgiving smiles to other shoppers. I won't soon forget that experience - and of how God brings those wonderful moments to us - how they feed the soul, lift the spirit, and help you know what's important in life.

I love you all-

The cost of family relationships

Last night I was with a small group of friends who were discussing their families. I was saddened to hear of one woman who has two sisters who have not spoken to her in several months, and of another woman whose mother/stepfather - father/stepmother relationship is complicated and divisive, and of someone else who has a brother living in California where for years, there has been no contact.

Recently I heard from a relative who was writing to me about another relative - a niece of my dad's - my first cousin. I haven't seen or visited with this woman in a long time - she is in ill health and lives in a town about 70 miles from here, however, I learned in this email that her son also has not been to visit her (she resides in a nursing home) or to check on her well-being in quite some time. It was commented that he visited her when she was receiving social security because he needed money, but now that she is in a nursing home, she doesn't have access to those funds so he doesn't visit.

I cannot conceive of the idea of having a sister I don't speak to, or a brother who I can't be in the same room with, or a child who only needs me for money. The concept of inviting family over but making sure that Aunt Gertrude and Uncle Milton are not invited on the same day eludes me. And worst of all, to have a child who seeks my companionship only when it benefits them is just beyond me - yet - it happens frequently. I find that often, the people who are splintered out and cut off from fractured families are actually warm, intelligent, friendly, and loving - but for some reason, they have been cut out.

And wills - oh my, what a divisive thing a will can be! In my small circle, there are three situations going on where people have been eliminated from a will by a dying relative and even after things have gone to court and been settled, there is no end to the bitterness and heartbreak and grudges that come - over money, land, property, china, things things things things - these are just THINGS people! THINGS! Things that are temporary and that you can't take it with you - things that will eventually be destroyed anyway - but relationships - what price can you put on a relationship? How much does a hug from a brother or sister cost? Apparently, for some people, it costs a parcel of land, an heirloom china cabinet, or cash in the bank. How sad.

Musings

My niece got married last Saturday, so before and after the wedding, there were many folks here from various places to reconnect and to celebrate this occasion. My sister and her kids came a few days early, so we got to spend some time with her. I really enjoyed seeing her, and seeing her new "self" - she's been successful in her efforts in losing weight and looked great!

Everybody's gone back home and I'm back to trying to get some sort of routine going. I've still got all the chores waiting for me that I decided to work on this summer, so, today's July 1 and it's time to get started. I think one of the problems is that they seem so gargantuan that I don't know where to begin, but just take a baby step, for cryin' out loud, she says to herself - that's better than doing NOTHING.

It's so pleasant and cool today that I have the windows open and the AC off - I would imagine that soon, I'll be turning it on though. Lydia survived "dog camp" while I was busy with wedding and family reunion duties and now is sacked out on the floor. I upped her allergy meds and they make her sleepy, unfortunately, but at least she's not scratching and biting herself.

Well - I'm off to get some chores done. More later....

June Days

It's been warm, humid, and well, June weather. Lots of rain. Lots of heat. The wheat is ripening well and cutting should begin in a couple of weeks. I've had a good time helping a brother celebrate a 50th birthday milestone and today, I enjoyed being with Rebekah as we waited on the one-hour optical place to finish her glasses. Tonight I spent time with some women in a Bible study group, and had dinner with a friend at IHOP - I had a pretty good spinach-veggie omelet.

Tomorrow I'm heading back to Curves for the first time since "the fall" on Thursday, May 26. I hope I can begin to feel better soon - maybe moderate exercise will help with that. I know Lyd misses our walks - Josh hasn't had time to take her either. Maybe I'll get brave and do that also this week. She'll be grateful. I'll be careful. Maybe it will all work out.

A few thoughts from Dave Barry:

Have you noticed that whatever sport you are trying to learn, some earnest person is always there telling you to keep your knees bent?

Guys are simple - women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is, guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

If you had to identify in one word , the reason why the human race has not achieved, and will never achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

Never under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Simple Pleasures

Warm sand between bare toes
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A smiling dog
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The first green shoot in a garden
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Good iced tea
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A toasted marshmallow
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A tug on a fishing line
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Shooting stars
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Hearing someone else's belly laugh
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Sleeping, peaceful babies
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A quiet church sanctuary
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Breeze through my front porch screens
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Cold watermelon
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An unexpected encounter with a friend
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Towels flapping on a clothesline
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A bill paid in full
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A game of Mexican Dominoes
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Simple things of life

To look for the simple things in life that help you pause to give thanks - what an awesome thing that can be! For example, Rebekah and I took Rachel and Gabe to the park yesterday - not just any park, but one built especially for toddlers and kids with special needs. These two saw the water and sand play area and that was all they did except Rachel did swing some. We helped them take their shoes and socks off and for the next hour, they played right there. Before we left, they got their clothes changed so that mom wouldn't have a heart attack. They had just a little sand in their hair - and probably more than that tracked into their van, but oh well...it's only sand. It's only dirt. It'll wash off. We stopped at Sonic and got them PURPLE slushes and then took two urchins home to momma. (!)

Back

School is out and I now have time to ruminate about things - maybe that's good, or maybe that's not so good - oh well, I shouldn't spend time ruminating about how I ruminate about things. Yeah. Whatever she said.

Lots has happened since I wrote last. I've had an adult child move in with us - not a bad experience, just "different". Same adult child had his vehicle stolen last Sunday while it was parked at church, so now he is making plans daily for his transportation to and from work. When he works days we figured out he can take the bus - an hour to and from, but better than walking. When we works nights, he has to make other arrangements.

The other significant thing is that I fell last Thursday, almost a week ago, when walking Lydia. I injured my right knee and left hand (what I used to catch myself), but also somehow bruised my ribs, shoulder, and back on the right side as well. Since Thursday, I have lived with this chronic pain and I'm not sure I'm made of the kind of stuff that can tolerate this without complaining. I know there are people who live day in and day out with chronic unrelenting pain in their physical bodies and still manage to live life abundantly - and I don't know how they do it. I'm living in the fog of pain relievers during the day and stronger medicine at night to help me sleep as no position - sitting, standing, laying, or reclining - can be accomplished without hurting. It does no good to talk about it, complain about it, or whine about it. It is what it is. There's no treatment to expediate healing. It just is until it is healed.

Many folks suffer daily with much more than what I carry and it reminds me to be grateful for the blessing of a body that will eventually heal. My heart is stirred by those who are not so blessed but yet continue on with life in spite of how they feel - I'm humbled by your example.

Please don't forget

Karsyn Young and Vincent Hill. Do those names ring a bell with you? Karsyn and Vincent are two children in the Wichita area who died at the hands of their caretakers this year, 2010. Karsyn was 10 months old and was beaten to death by his mother's boyfriend. Vincent was 19 months old and died after both his mother and his father not only beat him to death, but apparently, abused him severely for several months prior to his fatal injuries.

I noticed a makeshift memorial in front of Vincent's home after his death and his parents were arrested. It said, "Vincent we love you." Really? Do we? A neighbor had phoned SRS to report possible child abuse after hearing Vincent scream loudly and long one day - and SRS did not investigate because there was no probable cause that abuse was occurring. Did we love Vincent? As a community, did we care about him and about Karsyn? I think the neighbor did the right thing by reporting, however, I hope we have learned a lesson. If you suspect a child is being hurt, please don't call SRS first. Call 911 first or go to your local police station and fill out a report. THEN call SRS. Get involved. It's hard, I know. I've had occasion to report child abuse as part of my job. It's uncomfortable, it's sad, it's scary, and it's heartbreaking. But all the Karsyns and Vincents of your neighborhood are counting on you.

The other thing I hate is that I have no way to obtain information after I call SRS. If I call back and want to know the disposition of the report - if someone went to the home, if someone talked to parents, if someone came to the school - they say they cannot tell me this information. Why is that? And why do some things have to be reported many times before home visits are made?

I would like SRS to be fully accountable to somebody in this state for every report they receive - whether they followed up on it and why or why not. I'd like somebody to oversee the whole organization of Kansas Child Protective Services. I'd like to pay social workers more than you can make at McDonalds so that highly qualified people are chosen and trained to do this thankless nightmarish job. I'd like to hear stories of children who are successfully reintegrated back in the home and of parents who are parenting better. I'd like to hear success stories of children who have been adopted into loving homes after no more than 12 months in foster care. I think we owe nothing less to the children in this community who belong to all of us.

Things your child's teacher would tell you if they could.

From Reader's Digest:

1. We are not the enemy. Parents and teachers are really on the same side.

2. The truth is simple: Your kid will probably lie to get out of trouble.

3. We can tell the difference between a parent helping their kid with homework, and a parent who actually does it for him (especially when the kid is clueless the next day in class).

4. Teaching is a calling. There's not a teacher alive who would say they went into this profession for the money.

5. Just because your child says he did his homework doesn't mean it's true. You must check. Every night.

6. Parents give their kids pricey gadgets when actually, what kids crave is for you to talk to them. They want to know you are interested in their lives.

7. We spend money out of our own pockets to buy things our students need.

8. We wish parents would make kids own up to their own actions instead of pressure us to bend the rules.

9. Please stop doing everything for your child and making excuses for them. Allow them to make mistakes. How else will they learn?

10. We don't arrive at school 10 minutes before your child does. And we don't leave the minute they get on the bus. Many of us put in extra hours before and after school.

Two columns

Last posted on February 13th, huh. Well. It's been more than a month. Several times I've sat here and tried to put into words what I want to say, but they just don't come. It's so hard sometimes to describe how things affect you, or what you need, or what you have observed, or what has been learned.

I've saved a couple of newspaper columns to comment on, and I've had some changes in my work situation. Life happens, and then you go on, and sometimes your observations remain unsaid and unnoticed. That's ok. I'm not the epitome of self-expression, and people certainly don't need my contribution to this blog in order to go on with their lives.

The two columns I was going to comment on were published weeks ago - one on February 1 and one on February 13. Both different topics, both by columnists I don't agree with all the time, but I remain a loyal reader to both Leonard Pitts, columnist from the Miami Herald, and Clarence Page, a columnist who writes for Tribune Media Services. Both of these columns just made my soul weary.

In the first, Leonard Pitts is commenting about the insane comments of the Lt Gov. of the great state of South Carolina, Andre Bauer. (You may recall that the governor, Mark Sanford, was involved in some sort of nasty business with a woman from South America, lying to the voters who elected him and the world regarding his disappearance for more than 4 days. Turns out he was with her, half a world away. His wife has since been granted a divorce.)

Anyway, Mr. Pitts took the honorable Lt. Gov. Bauer to task when he compared poor people to stray animals. He (Bauer) stated: "My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Becaause they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better."

Blink. Blink. It STILL takes me aback after more than a month.

Mr. Pitts asks, "Who speaks for the poor? Who raises a voice when they are scapegoated and marginalized?" Good questions. But what I'm noticing is, there was a little media flap, but not much. There was a little on the news, but not much. The comment came and went. Had he said it about any other group of people, he would have been on his knees apologizing. He would have said many mea culpas. He would have possibly been asked to resign. But the poor? There's no power in poverty. And he knew it. I agree with Mr. Pitts. Bauer needs to know - sometimes, stray animals bite.

The other columnist wrote an article about Sarah Palin's horror at the use of the slur, and it IS a slur, "retard", which was used by Obama's Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel - he called some liberal democrats this word for threatening to attack the more conservative party members over health care reform. He states, "Who can argue with Palin's call for "decency", particularly since it comes from her, a mother of a child with developmental disabilities..." All true. Palin's son Trig has Down Syndrome. The Chief of Staff apologized privately for using this word.

I was gratified to see Palin's response to this. Finally! I thought. Someone who is defending the defenseless. Someone who knows, who has walked in those shoes. Hurray for her. But my cheers were short-lived, when conservative talk-show mogul Rush Limbaugh used this exact term to describe liberal Democrats and she DEFENDED his use of the word. She stated, "Rush Limbaugh was using satire. I didn't hear him calling a group of people whom he did not agree with 'effing retards'." Really. Then she must have not heard his response to the backlash: "Our politically correct society is acting like some giant insult has taken place by calling abunch of people who are retards retards."

I'm weary. Is there anyone connected with the political process who remains true to their convictions and beliefs? Anyone? Anyone who stands on truth? Anyone who doesn't change colors with the wind? Anyone who finds the use of the word "retard" inappropriate no matter who says it? Anyone who serves the American people selflessly, and with integrity and honor? Anyone who tells the truth? All the time? Anyone who doesn't look to re-election as the goal of life? Anyone who doesn't distort facts or statistics? Anyone who truly and with their whole heart, honors and serves God with a heart like Jesus? Or is that asking too much?

Considering 'Curing' Down Syndrome with Caution | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

Considering 'Curing' Down Syndrome with Caution Christianity Today A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

This is a long article, but one I found fascinating especially in my line of work. What do you think?

I'm a dinosaur

Well, here's the news for the week: I learned to text on my cell phone. I know you guys are all just aghast that I never knew how to do it until now, but it's true. I made it all the way to February of 2010 without learning.

I'm very clumsy. It takes me forever. I had a few glitches in it and I hear from my kid that if I'm going to text, I need an upgraded phone. My daughter has a phone with a tiny keyboard with teeny tiny little keys. I practiced on hers and my big old fingers were really clumsy but the keyboard "felt" right for me. I may have to invest in one of those kind of phones, plus she has a bigger screen on hers than mine is. And, with my newfound skills, we may have to upgrade our phone plan to include free texting, as it's 10cents a text now. We'll see how much I use it. I plan to "practice" every day so I won't forget how! Jay, I'm getting ready to send you one.

It was nice to see the sun some days this week. The snow is almost all melted. I've thought about my brother and sister-in-law in the Dallas area and all the snow they've had - good grief, what a fun winter for them! I see out my front window that the pile of snow in the school parking lot across the street is still visible above the 6 foot wooden fence, so we have melting to go yet.

What can I say about the job - we had inservice Friday and Monday we have President's Day. I know I should be "happy" about these days out, but every day that kids aren't there is another day that I can't get my work done. Next week I have so much stuff on my list to accomplish that I will hardly have time to breathe. Currently at one school, I have about 8 evaluations in the process, and at the other I have 6. They are all in different stages of being completed, but I hope by Friday, I'll be much further along. After spring break, the train starts rolling backwards down the hill, so I have a lot to look forward to!

We were going to take a trip over spring break, but with other financial stressors going on, are not able to do that. We're looking at taking a day trip or two around here. It's just leaving things for awhile, even if only a few hours, that helps your persepctive some.

My puppy is limping! I don't know what's wrong with her leg, last night after coming in from outside she couldn't put any weight on it and actually hopped around here on 3 legs. She also wouldn't let me take a good look at it. This morning she's bearing a little weight, but not much. If she's still having problems I'll have to take her to the vet on Monday. I guess dogs can sprain their ankles or knees, can't they? I was going to take her for a walk today as the weather is a bit warmer and it looks like the sun is coming out, but maybe not.

Have a great weekend, all.

Ethics

Every once in awhile in this job, a dilemma presents itself. A sticky problem arises. An ethical issue comes up. And, it's always a bit stressful to walk through. In that process, options are considered, but first, it's always incumbent to figure out two things: What are my responsibilities, and, what can I control? Often, the answers to those two questions will guide the rest of the thinking process, and, a process it is. At times like this, I'm always amazed at the amount of mental energy which can be expended - and you know, that is almost as draining as expending physical energy.

It's also very helpful to speak with colleagues, as they usually see possibilities and options that you didn't think of because your perspective was a bit clouded. The other thing which almost always is true is that there's usually no clean resolution. No clear cut path, no sudden bright light, and usually, no TA DA! Do THIS! Many times it's messy no matter what decision you make, and it's a matter of choosing the least "mess" to deal with in the aftermath, and trust me, there's always aftermath.

The responsibility to do the right thing is awesome. The way to go about it can be unclear. The fallout can be messy. Ethical values are easy to uphold in conversation, in training, in seminars, and in college classrooms, but sometimes, they are hard to put into practice. That's the nature of really trying to do the right thing.

Speaking of ethical values, a well known buisnessman is on trial for securities fraud here in Sedgwick County. It's been fascinating for me to follow the trial and read the interactive courtroom blog. I'm not saying he's guilty or not guilty. But I've learned some lessons watching his rise and fall. The man apparently did not learn from previous legal problems caused by him crossing the line with investors in other business ventures, and although he said he converted to Christianity, his ego swelled as he took pride in his accomplishments. In a recent business adventure, he began to cut corners in small unethical ways. He bragged about things that were almost true, but not quite. And because people want to believe that people change, and they want to believe the best about those who are charismatic, and appear business saavy and knowledgeable, he obtained a loyal following of people only to happy to give him money for his latest business venture. It was a disaster, and the house of cards fell. He truly built his life on sinking sand.

My dilemmas don't involve money, they involve other things less tangible, but still as important if not more so. The lesson for me - don't become so egotistical that you think you're above following ethical practices. They are there to keep your values from shifting and to help you know there's something bigger than you that you need to be accountable to.

Haitian Orphan Rescue

Maybe you read recently or heard about the group of Baptists from the US who went to Haiti in an effort to rescue orphans by taking them to the Dominican Republic to an "orphanage" (a building which had been a hotel) and then possibly trying to bring them back here for adoption. Ten American Southern Baptists were arrested at the border between the Dominican Republic and Haiti, having in their possession 33 children from 2 months to 12 years old. These folks knew that they did not have the proper paperwork or permission from the Haitian government for such a mission, however, one of the members of the group defended their actions by saying, "...we were just trying to do the right thing." According to the Associated Press, no charges have been filed yet as the Haitian government is still questioning the detainees. Also, there are reports that many of these children were not orphans at all and still had families willing to continue to provide care for them.

"We were just trying to do the right thing." Really. I don't think so. You know, I'm a Southern Baptist. And from time to time, I get in conversations with people who think that somehow, I'm part of the Baptist clan in Topeka who preach a gospel of hate (the Fred Phelpites at Westboro Baptist, and no, I'm nowhere near them in theology or anything else) - and so I am glad I can disown them as they aren't even on my planet in terms of religious beliefs. But these folks - these Baptists who went to Haiti are a part of my "family" so to speak. And I am appalled. And aghast. And saddened. And upset. And speechless. And aghast. (I already said that, I know).

Well intentioned, perhaps. Well meaning, maybe. But as Wade Burleson, pastor and faithful blogger says, "Unfortunately, our Southern Baptist friends were...very unwise, yes, even stupid." (http://kerussocharis.blogspot.com/). I am amazed that normally intelligent Christian people would somehow think that it was ok to do this, and that somehow, God would bless them, give them "traveling mercies", and help them find success in this mission. Why, oh why and how oh how do people ever think that God would sanction such an endeavor? And how on earth did they ever conceive that working outside the law would be endorsed by Baptists back here at home? How misguided they were! This casts a unfortunate shadow on the good work that Southern Baptists ARE doing in Haiti - we are providing disaster relief, medical help, and other aid as we always do worldwide when disaster strikes, and we do it through proper channels and with swift and timely execution. Check out the International Mission Board's website for further information about that if you're interested (http://www.imb.org/).

I don't know what should happen to these people, but my heart is broken for how this act of stupidity might impact what Southern Baptists and other relief organizations are doing, those who continue to work there with blood, sweat and tears and who are accomplishing their labors within the law, above board, and with respect for the people of Haiti. I am truly, deeply, saddened.