Last night I was with a small group of friends who were discussing their families. I was saddened to hear of one woman who has two sisters who have not spoken to her in several months, and of another woman whose mother/stepfather - father/stepmother relationship is complicated and divisive, and of someone else who has a brother living in California where for years, there has been no contact.
Recently I heard from a relative who was writing to me about another relative - a niece of my dad's - my first cousin. I haven't seen or visited with this woman in a long time - she is in ill health and lives in a town about 70 miles from here, however, I learned in this email that her son also has not been to visit her (she resides in a nursing home) or to check on her well-being in quite some time. It was commented that he visited her when she was receiving social security because he needed money, but now that she is in a nursing home, she doesn't have access to those funds so he doesn't visit.
I cannot conceive of the idea of having a sister I don't speak to, or a brother who I can't be in the same room with, or a child who only needs me for money. The concept of inviting family over but making sure that Aunt Gertrude and Uncle Milton are not invited on the same day eludes me. And worst of all, to have a child who seeks my companionship only when it benefits them is just beyond me - yet - it happens frequently. I find that often, the people who are splintered out and cut off from fractured families are actually warm, intelligent, friendly, and loving - but for some reason, they have been cut out.
And wills - oh my, what a divisive thing a will can be! In my small circle, there are three situations going on where people have been eliminated from a will by a dying relative and even after things have gone to court and been settled, there is no end to the bitterness and heartbreak and grudges that come - over money, land, property, china, things things things things - these are just THINGS people! THINGS! Things that are temporary and that you can't take it with you - things that will eventually be destroyed anyway - but relationships - what price can you put on a relationship? How much does a hug from a brother or sister cost? Apparently, for some people, it costs a parcel of land, an heirloom china cabinet, or cash in the bank. How sad.
3 comments:
I totally agree about how divisive it can be dealing with an estate. It is very sad that people place such importance on things. Do I like having the things I have? Yes, but I would hope that my having them would never cause a broken relationship.
In my CBS Core Group, there were several situations as you've described where children were just basically ignoring their parents--never calling, writing (emailing), or visiting. I just don't understand that kind of behavior.
It's amazing to me how often this happens...so sad! When my maternal grandmother died, half of my mom's siblings got angry at the other half and didn't speak to them for years. The only thing that started to bridge the divide was when one of her sisters got cancer. She died, and they had lost those years with her, just because of greed and jealousy. :'(
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