Take care of yourself

In one of the first staffings I did after starting internship this fall, I recommended no special ed placement for a child, based on my evaluation results. He certainly had problems, but he did not meet the criteria to be eligible for special education in Kansas. The team agreed, and we did not place. The guardian for this child did not agree, and decided to appeal our decision. My evaluation was then picked over with a 'fine-toothed' comb by a higher up supervisory downtown type person and I got a written report Friday on that person's findings. With fear and trembling I opened the envelope and read the report. It was a nicely worded critical look at my results-and it brought home to me the seriousness of what I do, and of how I must be able to back up any course of recommendation with proof from the assessment that I do. I cannot take shortcuts, I cannot "feel" like something is true without evidence, and I cannot recommend something without facts. The responsibility I have overwhelms me. Although there are other members of the child study team who are equally as important or more so than what I do, it seems that the entire course of decision making is determined by the assessment results that the school psychologist reports.

And yes, I missed two critical pieces of evidence that a more seasoned psych would have followed up on in this evaluation. I will have to go back and do some more testing and assessment of this young student, but as I wrote in a note to the higher up downtown person, I look at this as a great learning experience for me. I don't know that there's another new psych on internship here in Wichita (and there are 10 of us) who has had a case go to administative review and appeal. It's painful, but necessary for growth.

There are days that I think that I cannot do this job and it weighs upon me. There are other days that I love what I do - I enjoy meeting parents and most of all, I'm able to confidently present results at a meeting-I can actually contribute an answer to the mystery of why their kid is not succeeding in school. That makes it worthwhile to me. At a staffing last Thursday, a parent cried during the meeting. She was just grateful that we thoroughly took a look at her kid, and were able to help her figure out what to do next.

The job could be all consuming, so setting priorities in my own life is something I need to take a look at. I'm a caregiver, and operate in this role at school, in my family, and at church. But I'm going to become a worn out caregiver if I can't get a handle on taking care of me. Maybe that's why when I go to the Symphony with my youngest son, or recently with my brother, I sit there and soak the music up into every pore. I allow it to wash over me and permeate my brain. It is a gift of healing from the Musician who orchestrates this universe and I readily accept it. It's truly a God-given balm for the weary, worn, and bleeding soul.