A Three Act Play

Just when I think I've about got a handle on understanding my eccentric oldest son, I get to experience a new high. Imagine a parking meter post, without the parking meter. In other words, a pipe sticking out of the sidewalk where a parking meter used to be, about 3 inches in diameter. As you will note, the pipe has no end cap. This post is located in downtown Wichita near a busy street corner. And so, the story begins.

Characters: Mom, Bruce, Rebekah, Joshua, Daniel

Setting: Downtown Wichita, 12:30 pm, corner of Waco and Douglas

Occasion: Three adult children, grateful for their father's influence, guidance and fun times over the years, decide to take him out for lunch along with their mother and give him the Father's Day gifts they have purchased.

ACT 1

Scene 1

Mom: Here we are kids. This is where your dad would like to eat lunch.

(Parks the car along Waco, heading north.) Let's wait on the corner for him as he will be walking from work.

Kids: Swell!

Mom: Here comes father!

Kids: Father! (Hugs all around.)

Scene 2

Rebekah: Here you are dad. Presents new portable CD player.

Joshua: Here you are dad. Presents new coffee cup.

Daniel: I already gave you my gift ON the day. (A pair of khaki shorts.)

Bruce: Thank you! I'm so grateful for such wonderful children!

Scene 3

Mom: Joshua, why don't you take the gifts and put them in the trunk of the car. Here are the keys.

Joshua: Okay. (Walks to trunk, opens it, puts gifts in trunk. Closes trunk.)

ACT 2

Scene 1

Mom: Joshua, what are you doing? Let's go eat! (Pointing to the Broadview Hotel across the street.)

Joshua: Um, I have a problem. (Looking in parking meter pipe, laughing.)

Mom: What is it? (walking over to Joshua)

Joshua: I, um...(points in pipe).

Mom: Aaauuggghhh!

Scene 2

Mom surveys pipe. Keys are down in the pipe about 8 inches from the top of the pipe. Joshua is attempting to stick his hand down the pipe to retrieve the keys.

Mom: (Too dumbfounded to use any words to express thoughts.)

Daniel: HA HA!! Let me take a picture!

Rebekah: What have you DONE, you dork!

Bruce: Well, we gotta think of SOMETHING...

Scene 3

The family walks to the restaurant. Joshua is made to understand during the walk that he must figure something out to retrieve mom's keys. While waiting to be seated, Joshua asks the desk clerk for a wire coat hanger, and is informed that they only have wooden hangers in their hotel.

Joshua: Hmm. I guess I could walk back to the house and get a hanger.

Mom: I guess you could.

Dad: I'm hungry! It smells like chicken in here!

ACT 3

Scene 1

Joshua arrives about 30 minutes later with a wire hanger.

Dad: I'm going to watch this.

Daniel: I'm going to watch this.

Mom: I'm too nervous to watch.

Rebekah: I'll stay with you.

Scene 2

After several minutes, the men come back in the dining room triumphantly exalting over the successful fishing expedition.

Joshua: Look! (Waves keys at mom)

Mom: Great.

Joshua: We also fished around in the pipe for other stuff...(tosses a single key for some sort of briefcase on the table.)

Mom. Great.

THE END