It's cool, cloudy, and finally, a nip of fall is in the air. I'm glad to see it - although I love warm weather, I'm not sure I could live in summer all the time as some parts of the world do. One of the things I've always loved about Kansas is that we have 4 distinct seasons here.
It was a difficult week, as I put my 55 year old brain power to work trying to work on a functional behavior assessment for a student who already, at the tender age of 10, doesn't seem to care about the choices she/he makes. This student has a lot of people who care (mainly at school), but I think environmental influences at home are going to get her/him. I spoke with a relative last week who does understand that the situation is gravely serious, but, who also tends to make excuses-and frankly, I might do some of that too if someone were speaking to me about my kid, but there's a host of help around if only this family would avail themselves of it. We'll see what happens this next week. Compared to what this kid finds exciting and an adventure, I'm sure 4th grade math and reading are not in the running for what captures her/his attention.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Family Relationships
Warning: personal reflections to follow, not necessarily job related. I know some people read this blog for school psychologist perspectives, and that's fine, but as with all of you, I'm more than my job. And that "more" sometimes presses for expression.
I'm thinking about things right now which have to do with relationships - both familial and friendship. I was having breakfast today with my daughter and her husband and my oldest son, and the topic turned to the value of relationships with siblings, parents, and with extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I don't think my son in law would mind me sharing this (if he does, it's too late...), but one of the things my daughter told him before they were married was that if he did not establish positive, warm, relationships with her family, all of her family, she would not continue in a relationship with him. She considered that to be a dealbreaker. I was surprised that she placed that sort of value on this group of 35 or 40 people we call family, but I was pleased that she valued that in her life and saw it as essential.
My husband has often spoken about the relationship he has with his brother, or perhaps doesn't have with his brother, and how he wishes it could be different. He views it as a situation that is not likely to change, both of them going to their graves with regrets. When my oldest son heard these comments, his comment was, "I do not want to live like that. I'm not doing that." He said it with such a look of determination and passion that we listening were silenced. Perhaps that's why he spends time cultivating a relationship with his sister and her husband and his "adopted" brother, Bob. He sees that, values it, respects it, and it has a place in his life.
When children grow up, roles and relationships change. It's sometimes difficult to find your way around when navigating relationships with adult offspring, and I'm still learning how to do that. But I'm glad that my kids have the model before them of family - of flawed people loving each other in spite of idiosyncrasies and diverse viewpoints of life. It's up them whether or not they will take that baton and run with it - and some seem to have already done that. I can only hope, for the sake of their generation and those that follow, that they will do so joyfully and with purpose. In 40 years or sooner, who knows, I won't be here. I won't leave a lot of material possessions and money to any of my kids. What I do leave them, however, is a heritage of faithfulness to the God who created them, and a love indescribable for family - for people that God picked to surround you with at birth. My children will not be able to take advantage of this heritage until they take a hold of it and begin to make it a part of their lives and it's a priority for them. As life goes forward, every Friday night that we eat together, every time Rebekah and Jason come over to play dominoes or cards, every time the cousins get together at Scott's house for games and fun, every time I drive to Hesston to visit Mervin and Wayne and Clara, every occasion we worship together, every time I drive out to Kevin's or Jay's or they stop in at my house, and also, I'm including those weekly or more often chats with my sister - all of those are building blocks, strongly and sturdily standing on the foundation of forever relationships - it's an amazing and humbling experience. Those brothers I don't see often because they live away - I know one phone call and they are here. There's nothing more valuable to me than that.
May my children and grandchildren yet to be born share in that same rich blessing of extended family. I want to be able to look down from heaven someday (if we can do that from there) and see a whole roomful of Planks, Basses, Simmonses and Elwells - spending time with one another, loving one another, and continuing to build on that foundation already laid for them. Trust me, all you family who read this, you won't regret it. I don't know of anyone who on their deathbed said, "You know, I wish I wouldn't have spent so much time with my sister. I wish I wouldn't have cultivated a relationship with my brother." Right? Amen!
I'm thinking about things right now which have to do with relationships - both familial and friendship. I was having breakfast today with my daughter and her husband and my oldest son, and the topic turned to the value of relationships with siblings, parents, and with extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I don't think my son in law would mind me sharing this (if he does, it's too late...), but one of the things my daughter told him before they were married was that if he did not establish positive, warm, relationships with her family, all of her family, she would not continue in a relationship with him. She considered that to be a dealbreaker. I was surprised that she placed that sort of value on this group of 35 or 40 people we call family, but I was pleased that she valued that in her life and saw it as essential.
My husband has often spoken about the relationship he has with his brother, or perhaps doesn't have with his brother, and how he wishes it could be different. He views it as a situation that is not likely to change, both of them going to their graves with regrets. When my oldest son heard these comments, his comment was, "I do not want to live like that. I'm not doing that." He said it with such a look of determination and passion that we listening were silenced. Perhaps that's why he spends time cultivating a relationship with his sister and her husband and his "adopted" brother, Bob. He sees that, values it, respects it, and it has a place in his life.
When children grow up, roles and relationships change. It's sometimes difficult to find your way around when navigating relationships with adult offspring, and I'm still learning how to do that. But I'm glad that my kids have the model before them of family - of flawed people loving each other in spite of idiosyncrasies and diverse viewpoints of life. It's up them whether or not they will take that baton and run with it - and some seem to have already done that. I can only hope, for the sake of their generation and those that follow, that they will do so joyfully and with purpose. In 40 years or sooner, who knows, I won't be here. I won't leave a lot of material possessions and money to any of my kids. What I do leave them, however, is a heritage of faithfulness to the God who created them, and a love indescribable for family - for people that God picked to surround you with at birth. My children will not be able to take advantage of this heritage until they take a hold of it and begin to make it a part of their lives and it's a priority for them. As life goes forward, every Friday night that we eat together, every time Rebekah and Jason come over to play dominoes or cards, every time the cousins get together at Scott's house for games and fun, every time I drive to Hesston to visit Mervin and Wayne and Clara, every occasion we worship together, every time I drive out to Kevin's or Jay's or they stop in at my house, and also, I'm including those weekly or more often chats with my sister - all of those are building blocks, strongly and sturdily standing on the foundation of forever relationships - it's an amazing and humbling experience. Those brothers I don't see often because they live away - I know one phone call and they are here. There's nothing more valuable to me than that.
May my children and grandchildren yet to be born share in that same rich blessing of extended family. I want to be able to look down from heaven someday (if we can do that from there) and see a whole roomful of Planks, Basses, Simmonses and Elwells - spending time with one another, loving one another, and continuing to build on that foundation already laid for them. Trust me, all you family who read this, you won't regret it. I don't know of anyone who on their deathbed said, "You know, I wish I wouldn't have spent so much time with my sister. I wish I wouldn't have cultivated a relationship with my brother." Right? Amen!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
What's wrong, what's right
It's been an interesting week. Already. I've done a little gang education with two 4th graders who were using gang signs during a math class - yes, that's right, 4th graders. I'm in the middle of evaluating a child, who, it has been discovered, English is her/his 3rd language. I would tell you the first two, but that's too much identifying information. Nevertheless, evaluating the academic progress and ability of a child who has not sufficient aquisition of English is certainly challenging. I met with a parent regarding her concerns for her child, recently diagnosed with Autism. And, I listened to a staff member who came in my office in tears about a difficult situation, again, with a parent. Did I mention I've been doing a functional behavior assessment with a student who has severe ADHD, however, is unmedicated and in my opnion, unparented? This child is alone after school, and spends time riding her/his bike in the neighborhood, and hangs around a friend who also is unparented, and together, they go to a nearby park to occupy their time as well as other places, unsupervised. Doesn't seem to bother either of them - and as long as they are home by 8, it's "no problem!" Did I mention it's dark at 8? Did I mention that they are 9 and 10?
That's one reason I like this job so much. Every day is different. Every day is a challenge. Every day is an opportunity to sharpen skills and try to make a difference in the life of somebody. Every day brings heartache, but also at times, joy. To balance all of the above, while I was driving to work this morning, I stopped behind a school bus and waited for kids to load up. I watched a dad waiting with his son at the bus stop. Dad hugged his boy, waited while he boarded the big bus, and, as the bus pulled away, waved to his son, who was waving at the bus window. Both had big smiles. The connection between father and son was evident. I know that kid had a good day - but, if for some reason he didn't, I know dad is there for him - and you can't buy that with all the money in the world. I love to see examples of good parenting. It uplifts me and helps me know that not all is wrong in the world, when often, that's all I do see during the day.
That's one reason I like this job so much. Every day is different. Every day is a challenge. Every day is an opportunity to sharpen skills and try to make a difference in the life of somebody. Every day brings heartache, but also at times, joy. To balance all of the above, while I was driving to work this morning, I stopped behind a school bus and waited for kids to load up. I watched a dad waiting with his son at the bus stop. Dad hugged his boy, waited while he boarded the big bus, and, as the bus pulled away, waved to his son, who was waving at the bus window. Both had big smiles. The connection between father and son was evident. I know that kid had a good day - but, if for some reason he didn't, I know dad is there for him - and you can't buy that with all the money in the world. I love to see examples of good parenting. It uplifts me and helps me know that not all is wrong in the world, when often, that's all I do see during the day.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
It's only been 2 months
I have needed to blog for the last several weeks, but every time I sit here, I cannot seem to get my thoughts together. Many times I feel that no one really cares what I think, or observe, or comment about. Other times I don't have words to describe what I'm feeling or what's important to me.
I know people check this blog frequently for postings and I appreciate that some of you hang in there with me with nothing appears for weeks and weeks. I know this is good therapy for me, and a good way to practice self-discipline - but if I were REALLY disciplined I'd be writing a journal on a Big Chief tablet with a fat pencil. (Remember those?) You could never tell this by looking at me or my house, but I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. You don't know how many times I don't write because I think it won't be good enough - and that's sort of the way I live my life. If I can't be "good", I don't want to attempt it at all. In the same way, my blogs never ever meet my standard of what's good enough. But, like any other vice, this twisted thinking can be mediated - however, the only mediation is actually performing the task.
There's a lot going on with my life that's right, and some that's not. I gain comfort from simple pleasures - and, like most of you, I struggle. Recently I've walked through the arboretum in Hesston and took some pictures. I'm not a good photographer by any means, but what a jewel of a place - and what a privilege to experience what feeds the soul.
Feeding the soul - taking care of the spirit - centering yourself - being quiet - listening for God's direction - being thankful - exercising the mind and body - writing in a blog - - why is this so hard, but yet so necessary?
My daughter and I went shoe shopping yesterday - and we laughed until our sides hurt. The poor man at the shoe store surely thought he had gone nuts but it seemed that we were able to turn a chore of drudgery into an opportunity to enjoy life, to make fun of ourselves, and to bring bemused forgiving smiles to other shoppers. I won't soon forget that experience - and of how God brings those wonderful moments to us - how they feed the soul, lift the spirit, and help you know what's important in life.
I love you all-
I know people check this blog frequently for postings and I appreciate that some of you hang in there with me with nothing appears for weeks and weeks. I know this is good therapy for me, and a good way to practice self-discipline - but if I were REALLY disciplined I'd be writing a journal on a Big Chief tablet with a fat pencil. (Remember those?) You could never tell this by looking at me or my house, but I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. You don't know how many times I don't write because I think it won't be good enough - and that's sort of the way I live my life. If I can't be "good", I don't want to attempt it at all. In the same way, my blogs never ever meet my standard of what's good enough. But, like any other vice, this twisted thinking can be mediated - however, the only mediation is actually performing the task.
There's a lot going on with my life that's right, and some that's not. I gain comfort from simple pleasures - and, like most of you, I struggle. Recently I've walked through the arboretum in Hesston and took some pictures. I'm not a good photographer by any means, but what a jewel of a place - and what a privilege to experience what feeds the soul.
Feeding the soul - taking care of the spirit - centering yourself - being quiet - listening for God's direction - being thankful - exercising the mind and body - writing in a blog - - why is this so hard, but yet so necessary?
My daughter and I went shoe shopping yesterday - and we laughed until our sides hurt. The poor man at the shoe store surely thought he had gone nuts but it seemed that we were able to turn a chore of drudgery into an opportunity to enjoy life, to make fun of ourselves, and to bring bemused forgiving smiles to other shoppers. I won't soon forget that experience - and of how God brings those wonderful moments to us - how they feed the soul, lift the spirit, and help you know what's important in life.
I love you all-
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