The first day of school

Yesterday was the first day of school in the large, urban district I work for. I spent the day organizing my office, cleaning out files, etc. There won't be a lot to do with kids until we get rolling with child study team meeting next week. However, I did have an experience with a child I will recount here. I sent this in an email to a couple of siblings and as I was writing it I thought, that would make a good blog post! So here ya go.

Kenny's* First Day

So, I'm sitting here having my lunch (leftover pizza) and thinking about my day so far. I'm supposed to be here by 8:40, but I always come early. Today I got here at 8:00 or so, and as I walked down the hallway, I saw a young boy sitting forlornly on the bench outside my office door. I went to my office as I had some things in my hands, then came back to sit beside him and visit. Kenny is in the 3rd grade, new to this school. He looks like he's about 8. Kids are not supposed to be at school before 8:30 (if they are eating breakfast) and if they aren't eating breakfast, they aren't to be here before 8:45 (the bell rings at 8:50), thus the reason for my conversation with him. I wanted to know why he had come so early to school.

Kenny told me that his mom and dad leave for work at 2:00am, and that he has an older brother, 17, who's supposed to be taking care of him. The brother leaves for high school at around 7:15. This means Kenny is alone from then until time for him to walk to school. Did I mention he's 8 years old? So, on this, his first day, at a NEW school, he was here at least 45 minutes early. No parent to walk him to his class, to give him a goodbye hug, to tell him to have a good day, to reassure him that things would be just fine here at his new school. That responsibility fell to me. And so, the little boy with the longer, curly brown hair and freckles, and sad eyes became my friend today. I asked Kenny to help me bring in some things from the car, and I introduced him to our counselor, who visited with him about what route to walk to school, and when he should leave in the morning. I found his teacher and told her the story, and she came to meet him and reassure him that she would make it a great day for him. After I have the last bite of pizza, I'm going to find him in the lunchroom to see how things are going with him. I don't know anything about Kenny's parents, and I'm trying so very hard not be judgmental. But they missed a special time with their son today that I had the privilege of having. I wonder if they know that.

*Not his real name

Belt Tightening

In the next couple of weeks ahead, the spouse and I are going to be taking a look at our financial situation and examining once again, our buying habits. At least for us, this is never a pleasant process, so it's not something I'm looking forward to. Because I worked only part time several years while I went back to school, we amassed some credit card debt as well as school loans. Three years ago or so, he got a second job to help pay this debt down faster, and although we are doing okay, we do not seem to making progress. I think one of the reasons is that we haven't been budgeting as carefully as we should so we're spending close to what we make, and not applying everything we could to the debt we've accrued. Also, although we aren't big credit card users, we do once in awhile-when we think we have to. We haven't, as many financial advisors insist, cut them up or closed our accounts. And, I think there's a universal principal in force here, and that is, no matter what you make, whether it's 6K, 60K, or 600K, if you aren't careful, you will tend to live at or above your means.

To this end, I've been reading and listening to a number of experts on this issue-Dave Ramsey (both on the radio and online), Suzi Orman (on cable 53 and I picked up her latest book at a thrift store (ha!), and then lately, I've been reading a book by Mary Hunt called "Debt-Proof Your Marriage", and looking at her website, www.cheapskatemonthly.com. Managing a budget and living within your means is NOT rocket science, yet, all three of these people have considerable financial wealth bestowed on them by people like me, who want to learn how to handle money better. (Ironic, isn't it...)

So, we now are asking those tough questions that you must ask when you reassess your money situation-do we need a newspaper subscription at 16.00 a month? How about cable (we have the basic package, or maybe one tier up). Internet? Bottled water? Soda pop (even if it's diet)? Going out to eat with family on Friday nights? We're fortunate in that we drive old cars, and don't have a car payment or high insurance/taxes, but one of these days, one of those old cars is going to bite the dust. Then what?

Since there are people who make 600K struggling financially, as well as those who make much less, I don't know that it's a matter of how much money you have coming in-however, there are many families who are really experiencing some economic hardship these days, battling continual price increases of both gas and food. I visited with a woman yesterday who came in to our church to place an order for Angel Food. She said she has a good job (she works at Spirit Aerosystems), but supports 5 kids and a disabled husband, who is not able to work right now. She was grateful to be ordering a couple of units of food, which was going to be helpful for her and her family. We also had some Hawker Beechcraft strikers come in to order, and we welcome them, but that's another topic for another time.

Anyhow, time to go make breakfast on this Sunday morning. I'm grateful for the ability to work, for a job to go to tomorrow morning, for family, for old cars that run, for old houses that are liveable, and for life itself. May all of you reading this have a blessed week!

Porch Update

So, we just got back from Wisconsin, having gone to retrieve our youngest son and his belongings. He spent the summer with a farm family, trying to find work in Green Bay and getting to know better a young lady that someday may join our family. He was unsuccessful in his attempts to find a job, however, the relationship he went to pursue seems to be another story. But we're glad to have him back here, and are encouraging his efforts to find work and get his own place.

We got back yesterday afternoon, and so last night we took our 3 adult children out for dinner and just enjoyed being together. After dinner we came back here and played Bananagrams, plus, I got to introduce them to a game from my childhood, ta da! "Stadium Checkers"! As you might guess, they no longer manufacture this rather odd game of strategy - this one I bought from an EBAY seller was made in 1952. It consists of several concentric plastic rings, each one larger than the last-hence, it looks like a minature sports stadium. Each ring has several "pockets". Players put 5 marbles in the "nosebleed" section of the stadium and begin taking turns moving the rings and dropping the marbles into the pockets. The goal is to get all your marbles dropped in your correct tunnel in the very center of the rings, and to thwart your opponnets efforts by causing them to drop their marble into the wrong hole down at the bottom, and thus, starting over at the top of the stadium. My techno-savvy, 21st century offspring thought this game was extraordinarily fun. I couldn't believe it.

We then sat outside on the porch in the dark and waited with our daughter for her husband to pick her up as he was attending a function at Century II. The weather was perfect- a little breeze, and temps in the lower 70's - and the talking and laughter probably disturbed the next door neighbors, although we didn't intend to. What a great evening! I wouldn't take a million dollars for that time we spent together last night. Once again, the porch became a place which created a good memory for all of us.

The power of water

One of my more ambitious projects for the summer has been to get our screened-in porch more usable. When the kids were younger it became a repository for skates, muddy shoes, bikes, and various projects in progress. As they became teens, the porch was a place where many evening and late night talks occurred. There was just something about sitting in the dark that fostered communication, and all our kids had many "opportunities" to visit with mom or dad or both about life issues out on that porch. When our kids had friends over, they gathered on the porch. Several "rat boys" (my son-in-law is not among that group!) came calling on our daughter and visited her on the porch, and who can forget Joshua and his friend Nathan hanging around out there, talking about girls, jobs, money, and whatever else.

We've always had a grill out there and used it a lot. There are no mosquitos or moths as the old man did a good job of building screens for it. In the summer, it's shaded all the time except for first thing in the morning. I've stood out there and watched torrential rain, sleet, big fat snowflakes come down, and blizzards - unless the wind is blowing hard, it's a dry porch. For that reason, it was not only a good place for our inside cat to go and hang out out (she thought she was actually outside) but it sheltered strays (remember the gray cat that had kittens?) and was a great place for a furry wet dog who was afraid of thunder to hide out on.

The old man has never had a workshop to put his tools, so, the porch became his tool shed. In recent years, the clutter on the porch has just made me sort of crazy, SO, to that end, we bought a new shed with a workbench which was installed for the man in the backyard. He has most of his things moved out there at this point, and most of my garden stuff is out there.

Last night, he installed a swing in front, and as we sat there, I told him that we need to start thinking of the porch as another room to our house, and to that end, it needs cleaning and sprucing up pretty badly. So this morning, I hauled out the garden hose and turned the nozzle to "jet". I took all the plants off the porch and with the power of pressured water, did a little cleaning. Down came the cobwebs in the corner, off came the mud, dirt, and grime from the screened in window sills, as well as PAINT. Yes, when you clean, you discover other problems you didn't know you had. The paint peeled off the sills in droves, so that's a fall project waiting to happen. I jetted the welcome mat and around the front door. I squirted the windows in the front room that look out to the east side of the porch. I tried rinsing the screens but wasn't too successful. And, I set the plants out in the front and gave them all a nice soaking shower.

Water from a nozzle-it took me only a half an hour to clean filth that had accumlated for 20 years. There ya go.

Opinions please?

So how are you? I hope my readers are doing well and enjoying the summer. Some of my readers are also bloggers who have not seen "Blogger Dashboard" in a very long time and you know who you are. Get to work! Post something! Please?

I told my sister that I was going to leave Todd Bentley alone (just temporarily) and "rant" about something else, and actually, I have two things to mention today. First, I saw in the newspaper yesterday that the coach of the KU Jayhawks, Mark Mangino, received a little raise for the new season. How does $800,000 a year sound? That puts Mangino's salary at $2.3 million annually, and a contract extension to 2012. If he wins another championship, he earns another $225,000. I'm just as big a Jayhawk fan as you are, and was thrilled that they were victorious in the Orange Bowl, and I get that we should pay our coaches competively-I get all that. This reminds me of a recent conversation on a back patio regarding the "must win at all costs" value that colleges place on recruiting the best athletes and on the success of their athletic programs, while academic programs end up on the short end of the financial stick in terms of hiring the best professors, funding research programs, and encouraging students in more scholarly pursuits which may better society as a whole, i.e., cancer research. What do you think? Michael, I especially seek your input-as a rabid Jayhawk fan who probably feels Mangino is worth every copper penny he's paid. Help me, a middle-aged woman who is only a rabid fan of table and card games, understand this (!)

The second rant will wait another day, but it deals with the column recently written in the Eagle by columnist Brent Castillo. Here's a link for you out of towners:

http://www.kansas.com/opinion/castillo/story/465759.html

You may have to copy and paste-I don'tthink I've got the hyperlink thing going here.

Don't be deceived

It's been so cool here since Saturday maybe...that I've not had the AC on. I'm sure WestStar Energy hates this weather just like the gas company hates moderating weather in the winter time. I pulled weeds out of the front flower bed early this morning and since then have just kind of puttered around. I've got some things to do, I just don't have a lot of energy.

I have to go back to work REALLY soon, and my carefree days will come to an end. If I recall, last year, I was ready to get back to work. I came to a point where I sort of missed my colleagues and not only them, but the work that I've been trained to do. Most of the time, I enjoy my job. I'll be starting my 3rd year at the same two schools, and with every evaluation I do, my skills improve. I did not graduate knowing how to do the job. School doesn't teach you time management or setting priorities or discussing sensitive topics with expertise, or getting along with principals - that comes with actually working. The National Association of School Psychologists says it takes 5 years of experience to become a well-versed, competent practitioner and 5 more years to become an "expert". I believe it.

I read an interesting article yesterday from a little newspaper called "The Chronicle", published here in Wichita. The article was on a fast growing ministry in Lakeland Florida headed by a man named Todd Bentley. Apparently, this charismatic preacher began revival meetings on April 2, and intended only to be there for a week, but on July 9 finally wrapped things up. This man has some strange ideas which are rather controversial and which deserve a second or third glance. Some of his claims: he has been visited by many angels, he has seen Jesus in the flesh, he has visited the "third heaven" and seen the Apostle Paul's cabin, where, just in case you were wondering, Paul told him that he and Moses together wrote the book of Hebrews. Oh, and did I mention the angel "Emma", who visited him and sprinkled him with some sort of gold dust, indicating he would achieve financial success as well. Just 3 weeks after the visitation, he received the largest offering he had ever received to that point in his ministry, thousands of dollars (he declined to be specific).

His ministry also claims to be healing people. A local pastor from Hesston went to Florida and states he was healed, as well as several of his congregants - the pastor himself made two visits.

Google Todd Bentley and you will find info on Wikipedia about him, as well as the FreshFire website, and http://www.toddbentley.org/, which states that he is a false prophet (I guess those that put the website up decided to capture that domain using his name before he could, knowing that people will search there first.)

Come on, people. There will be many who come in Jesus' name, and who will dispense false teachings, telling people what they want to hear instead of the truth. Mr. Bentley is in the same ranks as Creflo Dollar, Joel Olsteen, Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, and many others who teach questionable doctrine, but yet, who are laughing all the way to the bank with your money. Be wise as serpents! Know what you believe! Test everything you hear, even from your own church pulpit. Your church leaders should welcome the opportunities for people to scrutinize and examine what is said - and question it if necessary. Don't accept "warm-spit" doctrine.

Family

One of my siblings told me recently, "You get behind in writing in your blog, then you spend a whole paragraph apologizing." Well. Ok. No apologies coming!

The last couple of weeks I've been getting ready for a 3 day yard sale - it was actually at my daughter's house, but I contributed a lot of my "junque" to it. I didn't sell nearly as much as she did, but I got rid of some stuff. That's a lot of work. THEN, we left last Tuesday for a trip to Wisconsin to pick up my youngest son and to head to Michigan for our annual family get together at my oldest brother's place. We had a great time, and are back 8 days later, today. Tonight we got together with our kids who couldn't go and visited about our trip, and ended up playing several rounds of a new game I got-"Bananagrams".

There are six siblings in our family. We are all married, and we all have children. Three of my brothers have grandchildren, so our family is growing-it seems that every year or two, we welcome new additions, either by birth or by marriage. If I counted right, there are 44 of us in this large extended family - 30 came to the reunion this year. With this large of a group, there is much opportunity for visiting and sometimes,
interesting discussion ensues. It became rather apparent at this reunion during some of discussion time that between the six of us siblings who were all raised by the same parents in the same church, there appears to be some pretty diverse viewpoints on several key doctrinal issues.

The six "in-laws" that married into this family bring their own opinions and viewpoints as well, and, our children and grandchildren as they become adults certainly will decide for themselves what they believe. What they choose may be very different from the religious teaching they received from us as they were growing up.

I was a little taken aback by some of the beliefs one of my siblings shared during our visiting. I think that those participating in the discussion were able to do so without offense, but I would never ever want to allow these differences to pull us apart. That's what scares me about these kinds of discussions. It's a challenge to not respond from your emotions when the foundational beliefs you hold true are being questioned. I ended up feeling ill-prepared to defend those core truths my whole belief system rests upon, and that's not a comfortable feeling. But I think it's good for me to feel that way.

I continue to pray for all 43 of you in this family - Max, Sherri, Kyle, Kerry, Theresa, Caley, Regan, Dennis, Ruth, Sherrill, Gary, Greg, Wil, Reid, Debra, Mark, Luke, Haley, Chris, TK, Chandler, Tatum, Jay, Pat, Michael, Katie, Scott, Laura, Rachel, Gabriel, Bruce, Rebekah, Jason, Joshua, Daniel, Linda, Terry, John, Anna, Kevin, Deanna, Nicole, and Michele. You are important to me.

Sorry I've been remiss

So my sister says to me, "Are ya gonna blog sometime, or am I gonna have to quit going to your page to check it out?" She should talk, she blogs about once a month. So yes, I need to blog. I've been pretty busy, but all the same, it's time to get to writing.

I have been in a cleaning project, trying to get some things ready for my daughter's yard sale, and just going through stuff. I've thrown some things out (do we really need to keep receipts for car repairs on cars we haven't owned in 2 or 3 years?) and a few days ago, I coerced the Man into sitting at the desk and going through a large pile of keys-I found several sets in the desk drawers, and a few behind a partition in the top drawer-like a secret stash. And lo and behold, what should appear from behind the partition-a lost set of keys to a Ford van we owned several years ago. I remember looking everywhere for those keys, and now, 5 years later, I find them.

As part of this cleaning out, I've found several old cassette tapes and have been listening to them-one of my mother and my daughter when she was about 2, another one of New Year's wishes from I think 1982 when some of our family was gathered at my mother's sister's home, one titled the "Plank Family Singers", one of a conference call between us siblings in 1984, and one that my dad made in 1982 talking about his early years. I'm going to give them to my brother, who says he can digitize them and burn them cd-tapes are pretty fragile after 20 years. I don't know if my children will even be interested in listening to these, but I was fascinated to hear my dad's voice again, telling stories about riding a horse to school, about their first car in 1917, and of my mother and my aunt expressing their hopes for the new year in 1982.

Between these tapes and reading my brother's post about sounds he remembers at night from the home place, I'm feeling pretty nostalgic. Hearing those sounds and being comforted by them is what drives me to escape from the city-I hear owls and trains where I'm at, but it's all the other stuff that crowds in that I don't wanna hear (and see) which makes me crazy. Recently I've heard a loud car drive several times up and down the street, heard yelling between car windows as two cars passed by each other in front of my house, and saw (and heard) a man relieving himself in my neighbor's yard after too much to drink. There are days I can't stand it, and then, I make myself say, "I choose to be content where I am and with what I have, until such time that I am moved..." And that's the end of that story.

Independence

The first week of "vacation" has come and gone, and here it is, already Tuesday of the second week. The past couple of days my son and his serious relationshipee from Wisconsin, the lovely Dara, have been visiting, and we have enjoyed seeing them. On Sunday, our congregation also enjoyed hearing him play Handel's "Largo" on the organ, and an arrangement of "Sanctuary" on the piano for the offertory. They are on their way back to Dara's home, and probably some cooler temperatures than what it is here in Kansas.

I've done some yard work yesterday and today, but as usual, it was a frustrating experience. I did spray for weeds and plant some flowers, however, I did not complete 2 tasks I had in mind. The first was to start the tiller and plow up a little spot out here in front of the house for more flower planting. You would think that a grown woman, with relatively normal arm and hand strength, would be able to start a 2 cycle tiller. It's one of the little ones that you see elderly people pushing along in advertisements. Try as I might, however, I was not able to rip the cord with enough power to start the engine. I even read the directions regarding priming, and where to place my left hand, yadda yadda, but to no avail. Now the lawn mower, I do have problems starting it-it's a bigger engine and I have to yank really hard. It takes several tries, and I'm exhausted by the time it's running. But this tiller-I'm just disgusted that I can't start it. I stood out there and wondered what I would do if I had no spouse or son to call in order to help me get it going. It happens that Josh will be over tomorrow to mow, so I'm going to have him give me tiller lessons, but sheesh.

Secondly, the Man told me this morning before he went to work just where I could find a box of edging to finish a project I had started. I thought, well, if I can't till, I can work on that. Did I find the edging? No. Is it where he said it was? No. Is in anywhere on our property? No. I spent time looking for that, and again, failed in my quest. By now, it's 10:00 and getting warm out, so I guess I'm done outside for the day until evening.

I really hate being dependent on someone for something. I think to myself, the last thing I want to become, if something happens to the Man, is a woman who cannot mow, trim, start tillers, replace toilet seats, caulk, or change furnace filters. If I had to do it by myself, then I'd better know how to do it. It's nice to have someone to do it for you, if they don't mind, but there's something to be said about living independently and managing your own business if you are physically able to do so. My young friend Candace, a single person, bought a house a couple of years ago. She told me a few months ago that if she doesn't do the repairs, they don't get done, so she's learned to do a lot of that maintenance stuff all on her own. I admire her and that streak of independence. Although I loved my mother, I think she was semi-helpless when it came to taking care of stuff like that. If my dad would have passed on before her, she would not have been able to do a lot of that herself, but-then again, maybe she would have surprised me (and herself).

In my quest for independence, I'm going to sign up for tiller lessons from my son. Maybe along this line, I'll have him show me how to check the oil in my car (I have a vague idea) and put water in the radiator. I am woman, hear me......bleat like a sheep when things need done. Will that be my theme?

All Done In

It's about 7:30 in the evening, and I don't mind telling you, I am DONE. I'm hot, sweaty, and tired, and if I were to give you a litany of what I've accomplished, it probably won't seem like a lot. I picked up a couple of things at WalMart, took my mileage book downtown so the school district can pay me for the miles I put on my car last semester, and mailed a couple of letters. I went to the church to pick up the perishables I put in the church's fridge last night because our refrigerator was on the blink. (Thank you Jay, for coming by and helping us not only decipher what the problem was, but also, for helping Bruce fix it, thus, we avoided an expensive refrigerator man service call.) I cleaned out the furnace closet, and tried to use my carpet spotlifter machine to get mud out that was tracked in yesterday all over my freshly shampooed carpeting during the refrigerator crisis. I thoroughly cleaned both bathrooms. I cleaned the ceiling fan blades in the kitchen, and gathered up trash. I did 2 loads of laundry. I'm just flat tired, but it seems I should be able to do more than this without petering out.

Tomorrow morning, Bruce and I are going to see the new exhibit at Exploration Place - it's called, "Our Body-The Universe Within". It's a little controversial because the exhibit features real human cadavers which have been preserved through infusing them with liquid plastic. The cadavers are then posed and in some cases, sliced in order for visitors to get a unique glimpse into how our bodies function. It has been noted that visitors to this exhibit often exclaim wonderment at the creation of the human body, and are amazed at what an awesome "tent" (as the apostle Paul would say) we live in. I am looking forward to going, and will write of my impressions after our visit.

It's a breezy evening, cooler, but very humid. We didn't get any rain today, which is good, and I'm hoping the yard will be dry enough to mow. The neighbor has mowed hers so that's a good sign.

I think I'm ready for a shower. Tomorrow is sort of a "vacation day", not only are we going to the exhibit, I think we're going to see Prince Caspian. My daughter blessed her dad with some theater tickets for his birthday, so tomorrow might just be the day to use them. After that, we need to come home and do some yardwork-I've got some flowers and bushes to plant.

Here's to that good, tired, feeling you get when you've accomplished something-I'll sleep well tonight I'm sure.

Lost and Found

School is out, and officially, summer "vacation" has begun. We ended things at both schools on a frantic note, with many evaluations and meetings held in May. I am feeling relieved, and am ready to think about something else for awhile. I feel as if I have a lot to accomplish this summer and I'm certain the time will fly by fast.

So my big brother had to "rescue" me Friday evening. I'm sure he'll be blogging about it, so I'll beat him to the punch. His very nice home and backyard sit next to a walking trail which goes around Pawnee Prairie Park. My husband and son and I were out there Friday evening to help him move some furniture to his basement, and after the chore was done, I invited my spouse to come with me for a walk on the trail. Off we went, intending to go 10 or 15 minutes and then turn around and go back, getting in a nice 30 minute stroll. However, as we walked down the pleasant trail, instead of turning around, we elected to take a path to the left, thinking it would loop around in fairly short order and we would end up back at his yard. That was the first of several mistakes on this expedition. Pawnee Prairie is a densely packed tree and brush-laden park, and when evening falls, it gets dark along the path rather quickly. As time went on, we tried to follow confusing markers and several times stopped to decide where we should go as there seemed to be many paths, forks, and choices to make. My son was also with us, and has, unfortunately, not a lot of directional sense. On and on we went, trying to get our bearings as night fell. It was rather comical to me as I wondered how we were going to explain to someone that we were lost on the walking trails. I could envision helicopters with lights shining and police officers on horseback scouring the woods for these 3 dumb people who were unable to navigate around this large, forest-like park in the middle of the city. After an hour of walking, we finally came by an opening in the tall chain link fence surrounding the park- an opening at the beginning of a bike path. We immediately went out and landed on an intersection in a residential neighborhood, and had no idea where we were. My spouse, not a lifetime member of the Boy Scouts of America, thought we were somewhere near Tyler and the parking lot, turns out, we were close to Maize Road not anywhere near where he thought we were. We called Jay on our cell phone and he came and got us, several blocks from his home.

Today I googled Pawnee Prairie, and got the map the city puts out, and then I looked on Google at the satellite view. I can see how we got lost-it is a maze of major trails, minor paths, and forestation. It's also a BIG park-to walk around it completely would be 5 miles or more.

I was never panicked, but I did feel, at times as we were walking in the dark along a dirt path, trying not to trip over limbs and brush a little forsaken. Especially, when it was all over and I asked Jay, so, we've been gone longer than an hour-were you concerned about us? His answer was, "No, I thought you had come back and gotten in your car and left. I never missed you."

So there really are people in life who come and go, who leave familiar places and go somewhere else, or even who die, who are never missed by anyone. I think about what a lonesome life that must be-to be in this world and not be noticed, to not have a true friend, or family who would miss you if you weren't around. In the movie Shall We Dance, the character who protrays Richard Gere's wife says that is one of the purposes of marriage-to be a witness to what happens in someone's life-someone that you love and care for above all others. I'm thankful for that person in my life-my "not a Boy Scout" spouse, nevertheless, life without him would be unfathomable.

To teach or not to teach...

I have been very busy the last 2 weeks, and haven't had time to think about posting anything. It is difficult to explain to others what this time of year is like. My job has consumed my thoughts the last several weeks, and I am looking forward to some relief. After today, it'll be better. After Monday it will be a whole lot better. And after next Thursday, it will be glorious!

I need to do something to try to get back to normal, and after a few sleepless nights, maybe one of the things I can do is rest. I'm running on caffeine, baby, and it's not a good situation, but all I can do for right now.

I've heard from my now Wisconsin transplanted son that he's doing fine just fine and everything is peachy, so that's good news on the northern front. I haven't had time to miss him, but I imagine after school is out, I will really note his absence.

I met with the WSU prof who would be overseeing me as I teach that undergrad class this fall, IF I decide to do that. She gave me some materials and the textbook. I promised her I would look them over and give her a reply quickly. I just cannot make my mind up about what to do-even after meeting with her yesterday, I can't decide. The easy thing to do would be to say no, then I wouldn't have to think about it anymore. But there's something in me that always wants something more, something different, something else in life, and somehow, these opportunities manage to find me. But I have walked through open doors before and been elated and I've walked through open doors before and have had a ton of regrets. The thing with this is, if I hate it, it's only one semester, 15 weeks. If I like it, there may be other opportunities for me to do more. How do I know unless I try it? As one wise man said, "What could go wrong?"

So I think I'm leaning toward saying yes. If I bomb, I bomb. The worst that could happen would be I would never be asked to teach again, all the students would gripe about me on the evaluations at the end of the semester, and, I would fail to meet my own expectations. I think that last thing is the worst. I can overlook faults in others much easier than I can those same faults in myself. I have had teachers that have not met my expectations, and classes that I didn't like, and I've filled out evaluations that weren't complimentary of the teacher of the class. News flash: Those teachers are STILL teaching.

So, there you have it. If only I could tackle other problems in my life with this same tenacity and attitude...

So much to write about, so little time...

I wrote in earlier posts about a staff member I was having difficulty with-in terms of her wanting things a certain way and making decisions about the way I did my job that she had no right to make. I have stood up for myself the last couple of times that we have had to handle certain situations, so now she has taken to emailing me and questioning MY decisions. She cc's the principal and that's ok with me-I've got nothing to hide about anything I've ever done. I'm always polite and professional, but then I come home and get cranky with those I live with.

The person from the other school district who contacted me by email about a job offered a salary of 8K a year less than I will be making next year. I politely declined last night-see, I can be polite when I need to be. We'll see if there's a counteroffer or not. I would guess not.

On a different subject, I went out and cut some lilacs from the bush and brought them in the house last night. These lilacs are spring late bloomers, and, they are minature ones. These few are sure making the house scented. I noticed the peony plant is a lot bigger than it was last spring, and it has several buds on it. I would like to move it but am not sure when the best time is to do that. Somebody who knows about peonies needs to let me know that.

I've got a busy day today starting with a staff meeting at 8, an evaluation at 9:15, and another meeting at 3:00. Hopefully between times I will be testing testing testing kids. I shouldn't be this busy the last 3 weeks of school, but I am. I've already told the team that I'm NOT doing this next year - we're going to have to make some changes in how we schedule things. So, I'll be going. Have a great day, everyone.

Math and the simple brain

It's a very cool, breezy Saturday. I heard yesterday that Kansas had SNOW in the western part, around Goodland-good grief! It's the first of May! Thursday night we had a lot of rain, and a lot of hail. My brother said there were still hailstones in the yard of the place where he works when he went in Friday morning. And last night was flat cold. I wore a coat to work, had the car heater running, and turned on the furnace when I came home later in the evening. I will be SO GLAD for warm temperatures. When I leave this morning, I'm going to need my hoodie and again, the car heater. The sun's out, but it's windy AGAIN, and chilly.

So today I'm going down to the church this morning to practice the piano-Dan and I are doing "special" music tomorrow morning, and then I'm rehearsing with a soloist. She's singing an old standby, but she wants it in a different key. Whereas people like my son can quickly and efficiently transpose music with what appears to be minimal effort, I have to think about it, and write down chords.

Transposition is a mathematical function, and back in elementary and high school days, math was something that not only confused and bewildered me, but caused me a great deal of anxiety. It's hard to explain to a person who sort of automatically understands the concepts how it feels to not be able to "get it" right away. One's brain gets muddled and confused when one doesn't have that automaticity.

This was one of the reasons I became a school psychologist. I understand those kids who look at me blankly when I ask them to solve what appears to be a simple math problem. I was working with a 3rd grader yesterday who had difficulty, even after repeated instruction and practice with his teacher, understanding the concepts of fractions, whole and mixed numbers. The teacher was semi-exasperated when talking with me about it later. "He just doesn't get it!! I try and try and he doesn't get it!!" That's right, he doesn't. I remember struggling with fractions some. And, I remember my first piano teacher, Mrs. Brown, trying to explain to me the concept of quarter notes, half notes, and whole notes. Her examples involved trying to picture a whole apple, cutting it in half, how many pieces do you have, etc. I'm a visual learner. I needed her to bring me an apple and a knife, and show me. Then I needed to do it myself. Then I needed to draw it out, then, I might be able to understand. This third grade student I spoke of earlier needs a lot of visual input, which, this teacher does some-she draws pictures on the board etc. But he, like me, is a slow processer. I saw her yesterday, standing at the board, in front of the drawings, calling on him, and the agonizing 20 seconds or so it took him to think about the answer, while the other kids squirmed in their seats. I felt his anxiety, and his embarrassment when after all that time, he gave the wrong answer. I saw the other kids laugh to themselves.

And I saw me sitting there, 45 years ago. I knew exactly what he was feeling. I walked over to his desk later, put a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye. I didn't say a word, but I think he understood. I'll be working with him next week, and we'll do just fine together.

Potpourri

It has been days since I have written. One reason-I am working many hours in the week, trying to get it all done before the end of the year. Many evenings I have been at school until 7:00 or so, working on reports, and it will continue to be such until the last day.

Other things clamoring for attention and time are just waiting for me-and, at this point, waiting until school is out, I would imagine. To update you on recent happenings, although I am extremely busy at work, things are going well. I am enjoying my work at both schools. This week, I have been visiting schools with special programs-one, a self-contained program for MR (mentally retarded) students, and one a special day school for those children who have significant emotional disturbance. We are trying to determine placement for some of our special 5th graders who may need what these programs offer.

I attended a meeting at another elementary school and enjoyed meeting staff there. So far, this week, I've prepared for 5 staffings (I've gotten to hold 4 of them, we had a no show parent for 1) and tomorrow I have two more scheduled. Next week, I have "only" 3 scheduled.

And, to make life interesting, another school district has contacted me about possible employment. I was not seeking work in another district, but sometimes, these opportunities come up and we need to consider them. In this case, it may not be a hard decision for me to make. I'm not sure they can exceed my current salary, and, the district is located several miles away, resulting in a pretty significant commute. I'm still driving my old gas guzzling Ford Vic, so this may be a no-brainer.

I'm sitting up here in my office, listening to wonderful music coming out of my youngest son's room. After he leaves, it will be very quiet up here. His music will be something I will miss extraordinarily. He's still on track to move to Wisconsin here in a couple of weeks, and I'm feeling okay about it, but...there are times that I will feel his absence, I'm sure. He is planning on playing a concert at our church on May 10, and I get to play with him on 2 or 3 numbers.

I am so blessed to have good relationships with all of my kids. My daughter and I work together at church in the Angel Food Ministries program, and I recently enjoyed a day at the zoo with her. My middle kid stops in frequently (usually around dinner time...) and I like seeing him as often as I do. It's hard to think about one not being around, as close as we are, but, you know-everybody has to fly sometime and it's Daniel's time to do just that.

One step, then another.

I slept until 9:00 today. Normally, I do not do that. I rolled over, squinted one eye toward the clock (I am blind without glasses), and finally made out through blurry vision that it was 9:05. I couldn't believe it.

Anyway, while the coffee is brewing, I will ruminate (to meditate or muse; ponder). Next week I will be attending an autism conference Wednesday and Thursday, and Friday, we are out of school for "conference release day". That leaves Monday to be at one school and Tuesday to be at the other one. From next week on, I will have 3-4 staffings a week in order to get all the work done that is scheduled. It is a grueling last 5 weeks of school, and I will be putting in a lot of hours each week. I have been working on things at home on the weekends and that will continue.

I am reminded of a lesson brought in our women's Bible study at church-it's one step at a time. I intentionally have to think that way at work. If I looked at all that needed to be done between now and May 24th, I'd freak out. Each day, however, I make a priority list and focus on what needs to be done this day, and sometimes, this minute. If I take all the little steps in the correct order, I should be able to complete the assignments, given enough time. The problem comes in when other things not expected crowd in and plans for the day erupt. I really have no built in grace or leeway, which would allow a sick day, a car malfunction, or a family crisis. Not only that, but my priority list doesn't allow others any grace time either. If I have planned testing sessions with little Johnny next Monday, the ONE day I will be at that school and little Johnny is not there, then...well, then we punt. We reorganize everything and start over.

Speaking of first steps, my youngest is planning on moving out of state in a couple of weeks. He'll be going from his hometown, his family, and his roots to another community Yahoo says is 858 miles away. This is a big step for him and us. I will miss him big time, but he probably needs to do this. He says it's an opportunity he can't pass up, and so, what can we do except wave goodbye and hope for the best for him.

Take one step at a time. It's good advice.

Working with people is a challenge

We are in the downhill slide to the end of year, which means that there is more work to do at both schools than ever. Some teachers are upset that children they have referred for evaluations have not qualified for services, and other teachers are upset that we have accepted some for evaluation we will not get to this year, and they are on our list for next fall - I've got 8 so far at one school.

Then, the situation I wrote about on April 3 concerning the winner of the power struggle is not good, in that the woman who took matters into her own hands and did not follow the procedure I recommended has gotten us into hot water with the special day school we were working with. I had a visit with that psychologist yesterday, and she and I will be the ones to try to clean up the mess.

I thought about visiting with her, and if she were the kind of person to say, "I see what you mean, I'm sorry that happened...yadda", that would be one thing. But she will never ever say or do that. In the book "Working With You is Killing Me", the author says that one key to moving past something like this is to realize and accept that these people are always going to be this way, and no amount of discussion with them will change that. It's up to me to figure out how to deal with her, knowing what she's capable of. And then, something else occurred when I worked late Wednesday night, which I will not relate here, but it was a confirmation of the fact that those who seem trustworthy, may not always be.

In my last post, I related the story of an irresponsible dog owner, who was appealing a city council decision to put down his pit bull, Mr. Bonz. Mr. Bonz had bitten a young niece so severely on her face that she had to have many stitches and plastic surgery to fix her injury. Update: thankfully, the owner dropped his appeal, and Mr. Bonz was euthanized before the meeting took place.

As we go about our business in this topsy-turvy world we live in, let's reflect on a statement made by Senator Hillary Clinton, introducing her husband Bill Clinton at a rally for gun control legislation: "Part of growing up is learning how to control one's impulses."

Now, THERE'S an example of a guy that knows how to do that. The "maturity" he exhibited in his personal life while he was president of the United States impressed us all. Happy Friday!

Take responsibility

I opened up the newspaper today, and an interesting article caught my eye. Apparently, on Tuesday, the Wichita City Council will decide the fate of a pit bull named "Mr. Bonz", to test the city's new dangerous dog ordinance. Mr. Bonz bit his owner's 5 year old niece on the cheek back in February, requiring 26 stitches and plastic surgery. No one disputes that. However, the mitigating facts in the case are that there were no adults in the room when the attack happened, and, the little girl may have provoked the attack. After the bite occured, the dog was impounded. Animal control officers decided the dog should be euthanized because he had bitten his owner once before on the hand, and because the owner did not have Mr. Bonz licensed or vaccinated. The owner is, of course, appealing that decision, writing in a letter to the council that Mr. Bonz is "a loving, family dog", and that "He has never shown aggression to any human being young or old, to people he knows or strangers that he sees for the first time."

Several years ago, my husband walked in the front door of our house, carrying a small fluffy object in his hands. "Look what the kids found," he said as he handed me a ball of fur. I held out my hands and immediately fell in love with a 4-5 week old puppy, who had been abandoned in a nearby park. We named her Coco, and a subsequent visit to the vet confirmed that she was almost 100 percent red chow, complete with a totally black tongue and that thick fur that chows are known for.

Chows are also known for their sometimes aggressive, territorial behavior. However, we decided to keep her, and my three young children were thrilled. We began the vet visits, the shots, the licensing, the spaying, the dog food buying, and all that which goes along with pet care. As she grew, I would mention to my husband periodically, that at the first snap, growl, baring of teeth, or aggression to our children, and this dog would have to be put down. We continued to watch her carefully, and when my young nieces visited, we supervised them, never leaving them alone with Coco. Even after a year or more and she never ever showed any aggression, still we watched. Our kids grew, and the frequently visiting nieces grew. Coco grew, and became a full grown chow, with a wagging tail and playful disposition. We did, however, see her aggressive side. She became a terror to all the oppossums in the neighborhood. Woe to them if they came in our backyard. With one snap of her jaws, they were gone. And, because of this behavior, we continued to watch and supervise. Every year she had shots and a vet visit, and every time she was around small children, we were there.

Coco lived happily with us for 10 years, never, not one time, ever, showing any aggression to anyone. The man who owns Mr. Bonz spoke words about his dog that are not true, and not only is he not being truthful about his own dog's violent behavior, but he is not a responsible dog owner. He failed to meet even the rudimentary requirements of dog ownership by not obtaining a license and vaccinations for Mr. Bonz. However, these words do describe Coco, and I want to use them here: She was truly a loving, family dog. She never showed any aggression to any human being, young or old. She merely barked at strangers, and always made friends. Our mailman brought her treats every day and she enjoyed a scratch behind the ears as she stood up on the fence. She was a loving, faithful companion.

Looking ahead

Easter Sunday, twenty-eight years ago today, at 8:30pm, I gave birth to my first child, a daughter-with a smattering of brown hair, blue eyes, and a healthy set of lungs. My life forever changed with the advent of this little girl, who grew up to become a wonderful young woman. We had some rough times during her teen years and early twenties, but she has turned her life around and I am blessed to be her mom.

She has never had her birthday fall on Easter since the day she was born, and it won't be on Easter again until the year 2042. However, April 5 will be Easter Sunday 3 times before April 6, 2042, in 2015, 2026, and 2037-I don't quite understand how this works, but, oh well. Let's see, in 2042 she'll be 62. I'll be 88. I hope I'll be here to help her celebrate her birthday on that momentous occasion, but I also hope I'll be in good enough health to enjoy it. By the time I'm 88, I can't even imagine what things will be like. That's only in 34 years - and it'll go by fast.

Bad and good news

Leaving the train discussion, it's time to comment about other things. I told someone that this has been the worst work week I've had since school started in the fall. I am in a situation at one school where there's a power struggle, and the "winner" of the power struggle, which wasn't me, managed to go behind my back and set up two meetings to take control of a situation which was my responsibility to take care of.

This person managed to convince 3 people higher on the food chain than either her or I that she could handle the situation and that my input was neither needed, wanted, nor welcomed, and hence, two meetings were held without me and sort of behind my back, during which major decisions regarding a particular student were made. I wonder what is written in the blank beside my name on all of the paperwork where it says, "psychologist". Even as I type this, I can hardly believe that someone was devious enough to do this to not just another person, but to ME, a person who has gotten along with 99% percent of the people I've ever worked with my whole life.

So of course, my reaction is one which rock and rolls from being aghast, to being amused, to being angry, to being hurt. I need to figure out what to do, and to that end, a book I picked up on my recent train trip from a store in Michigan is being helpful. The book only cost me 3.00, it was on clearance, and because it looked like an interesting title, I bought it, never dreaming I would be reading it so soon. The title is, "Working With You Is Killing Me." I'm reading about strategies which can be used to deal with all manner of people that make you crazy in the workplace, and so far, it's been helpful. Right now, the strategy I'm learning about is how to "unhook" from the situation the controlling annoying person tries to put you in.

In other news, this weekend our church is having its annual "women's retreat", a yearly gathering of women, sort of like a big slumber party, but also with a spiritual emphasis. I've been helping to plan these now for 10 years and I always say, about this time, I'm not doing this again!, and then somehow, I always do it again. These retreats have been wonderful, and this one promises to be no exception.

My oldest turns 28 Sunday. She was born on Easter Sunday, April 6, 1980, and I'll have to blog about her next. She's something else!