Warning: personal reflections to follow, not necessarily job related. I know some people read this blog for school psychologist perspectives, and that's fine, but as with all of you, I'm more than my job. And that "more" sometimes presses for expression.
I'm thinking about things right now which have to do with relationships - both familial and friendship. I was having breakfast today with my daughter and her husband and my oldest son, and the topic turned to the value of relationships with siblings, parents, and with extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I don't think my son in law would mind me sharing this (if he does, it's too late...), but one of the things my daughter told him before they were married was that if he did not establish positive, warm, relationships with her family, all of her family, she would not continue in a relationship with him. She considered that to be a dealbreaker. I was surprised that she placed that sort of value on this group of 35 or 40 people we call family, but I was pleased that she valued that in her life and saw it as essential.
My husband has often spoken about the relationship he has with his brother, or perhaps doesn't have with his brother, and how he wishes it could be different. He views it as a situation that is not likely to change, both of them going to their graves with regrets. When my oldest son heard these comments, his comment was, "I do not want to live like that. I'm not doing that." He said it with such a look of determination and passion that we listening were silenced. Perhaps that's why he spends time cultivating a relationship with his sister and her husband and his "adopted" brother, Bob. He sees that, values it, respects it, and it has a place in his life.
When children grow up, roles and relationships change. It's sometimes difficult to find your way around when navigating relationships with adult offspring, and I'm still learning how to do that. But I'm glad that my kids have the model before them of family - of flawed people loving each other in spite of idiosyncrasies and diverse viewpoints of life. It's up them whether or not they will take that baton and run with it - and some seem to have already done that. I can only hope, for the sake of their generation and those that follow, that they will do so joyfully and with purpose. In 40 years or sooner, who knows, I won't be here. I won't leave a lot of material possessions and money to any of my kids. What I do leave them, however, is a heritage of faithfulness to the God who created them, and a love indescribable for family - for people that God picked to surround you with at birth. My children will not be able to take advantage of this heritage until they take a hold of it and begin to make it a part of their lives and it's a priority for them. As life goes forward, every Friday night that we eat together, every time Rebekah and Jason come over to play dominoes or cards, every time the cousins get together at Scott's house for games and fun, every time I drive to Hesston to visit Mervin and Wayne and Clara, every occasion we worship together, every time I drive out to Kevin's or Jay's or they stop in at my house, and also, I'm including those weekly or more often chats with my sister - all of those are building blocks, strongly and sturdily standing on the foundation of forever relationships - it's an amazing and humbling experience. Those brothers I don't see often because they live away - I know one phone call and they are here. There's nothing more valuable to me than that.
May my children and grandchildren yet to be born share in that same rich blessing of extended family. I want to be able to look down from heaven someday (if we can do that from there) and see a whole roomful of Planks, Basses, Simmonses and Elwells - spending time with one another, loving one another, and continuing to build on that foundation already laid for them. Trust me, all you family who read this, you won't regret it. I don't know of anyone who on their deathbed said, "You know, I wish I wouldn't have spent so much time with my sister. I wish I wouldn't have cultivated a relationship with my brother." Right? Amen!
4 comments:
There's no way I can add any more wisdom to this. Well said.
Thank you for writing this. I became very emotional reading this, but in a good way.
I am blessed to have a wonderful family, and I hope carry on the legacy of the Planks, and everything we stand for. I pray that everyone will read this wonderful post.
I agree wholeheartedly! We are so very blessed to have the extended family that we do! It is such a privilege to be a part of it!
-Deanna
Just know, Marianne, that I appreciate very much your interest in visiting us here in Hesston. It means much to me to have extended family near by, especially since all of my family of origin is gone except me. You people are all welcome here anytime and always remind me of who we are and the common relatives we share. Thanks for writing.
Post a Comment