Angst

So I was thinking about anxiety yesterday. I even looked it up on wiki to see a synopsis of this state of mind - like you, I've had my struggles with it. I realized that one way I've coped with anxiety over the years is to snack. To look at me, you'd probably guess that. But it became clearer recently what my trigger points are and I thought I'd share a couple of those with you. One happens Sunday evenings. I'm in the "getting ready to go back to work" mode, and I'm gathering up materials, thinking about my schedule, planning on lunches for the week, looking at my calendar, figuring out what my priorities are, and if I have anything scheduled which is causing me some concern such as a meeting with difficult parents, then the worrying about that begins. Sunday evenings find me restless and going into the kitchen about every 10 minutes as I get ready for a new work week. This has become obvious to me as I've been on a weight watchers plan, and it's gotta stop.

Another source of anxiety is, believe it or not, walking Lydia in our neighborhood. After we first got her, two loose dogs attacked her as we were getting out of the car from a trip to the vet. My daughter remained calm and decisive, I went into panic mode. Normally, I'm not afraid of dogs-I've always been an animal person, but this little event really fostered some fear in my brain. Since then, I've walked her a little in the neighborhood, but mostly at a nearby park, however, when it rains, the park path is muddy and puddled. The thought of getting out her leash and walking her around here scares me, but I hate hate hate being ruled by fear, so what to do...

What to do indeed. For the dog problem, I bought a little canister of pepper spray, took some lessons from "The Dog Whisperer" (a TV show in which the guy 'rehabilitates dogs and trains people'), and worked with Rebekah who did a lot of training with Lyd when I first got her and continued to encourage me. My anxiety made Lydia fearful, so now the goal is to be relaxed-to know what to do if we encounter loose dogs on the walk helps. You would be amazed, or maybe not, about how many irresponsible dog owners we have in this city who just let their pets out the front door unleashed and unrestrained. It is astounding to me. But I digress.

The anxiety that occurs on Sunday nights is getting better. But there are oh so many other little things that I let ball up inside me-concerns about my kids, friends who are going through hard times, problems with an administrator at work, and oh yes, let's not leave out how each and every day I never meet my own expectations. Ever. To know me you might not realize I'm so self-critical, but I battle that demon too.

Is there a cure for anxiety? More later.